RAYMOND vs EL TORO
@Raymond - Total: 83/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 24/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 5/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 43, Health 16, Attack 24
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@El Toro - Total: 86/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 27/30, Realism: 24/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 7, Attack 13
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 24/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 5/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 43, Health 16, Attack 24
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- Nice little introduction, I love how he always has a reason for being at the Steppes, as well as setting up the scene for it all. And his sizing Toro up mentally was a good lead-in to the battle to come!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: I wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing or how it brought him where until I read the summary - but I like the dodge, it was simple but effective and being that it was more instinctual than calculated, definitely something I can see happening in real life!
- Offensive: I looove that his dodge opens up a new route that he takes advantage of, that was a nice note! I think it may have been easier to read had it been broken up a little more, but I like that he moves smoothly from his block to his attack. It was a simple attack, but I like seeing some variety - I’m so used to Raymond attacking with his tail blade that this was a nice change of pace!
- Mechanics: A few long sentences that may have been better broken up - but at the same time they make the whole post read “faster” and really get you into the feel of the battle! Not much I could pick apart grammatically.
- Notes: Oh Raymond, how I have missed your smooth calculations and instinctive attacks. Seriously he reads so smoothly, between analyzing and reacting, each battle I read from him is consistent and constantly improving!
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: I love Ray’s commentary through here… and I really love how he responded in two different ways to two similar attacks (though true, he can’t dodge twice haha). But man, what a hard hit he took! Reading his response to it was everything I expected (though I was a little confused by your wording as to how/where exactly he was hit!)
- Offensive: I love how he again uses his dodge to set up his attack… it flows so seamlessly, and is something I would expect from a seasonal, tactical warrior like himself. The attack itself was everything I was waiting for, as well, and I love that the tail blade came into play, and this being the first time I’ve seen him really try to hurt someone with the scythe was exciting. It was a well-played attack! I do question how well he could have executed it while in pain, but overall a good attack ;u;
- Mechanics: Again long sentences with lots of commas, but you’ve been really consistent with these posts! c:
- Notes: Raymond’s concern is so touching? c’x But seriously, with how long Toro sat there wheezing, I’m glad you took advantage of it and let Ray sit there equally as long watching him. Overall, thank you for such a wonderful battle to read! I’ve loved seeing Raymond at work once again!
@El Toro - Total: 86/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 27/30, Realism: 24/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 7, Attack 13
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Defensive: N/A
- Offensive: I actually had to read your summary to actually understand what was going on here, so I feel some more clarification may have been needed in the post itself. That being said, I love that he uses his horns! His charge reminds me of a bull, even without you directly saying so, and I love that it plays true to his theme!
- Mechanics: You switch often between long, complex sentences and short fragments, which makes for a hard continuous reading, almost like you’re constantly stopping and going. Not too much I can pick apart, other than that!
- Notes: You set the stage for Toro’s attack so well… all that irritation and tension really boils up throughout this post and I love the way it builds!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Okay, I am in love with the way you described the hit he took; it really gets me into his shoes as to how he’s feeling, it’s descriptive and creative and so easy to read. That first sentence started off a little choppy, with me not sure what was going on, but the rest of this first paragraph up here is gold.
- Offensive: With how much time you spend describing his offensive portion, I would have liked to see more descriptive language and time go into his attack! At first I would have liked to see some variety in his attacks, as well, as he charges the same way he did in the previous post - but the “It was all he knew to do” made me stop, and I really appreciate how instinctual and consistent he’s being. Toro really does remind me of a raging bull here, and it’s been a uniquely interesting thing to read thus far!
- Mechanics: Not much I could pick apart! I think the majority of this post read very smoothly and descriptively.
- Notes: “Like some mutant scorpion” yep, El Toro has all of my love now, forever and always. I love that you haven’t forgotten El Toro’s anger and built up tension, seeing it continued on in this post was absolutely beautiful.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Ahh his reaction to Raymond standing his ground was perfect, as was his squeal of pain and overall reaction to the attack. I think the way you handled this was very realistic, and it was a wonderful closer to the whole thread. The timing was perfect, as was the way you used his injury as reason for him to step back from the battle. Although - I am confused as to why he has blood in his eye, when you summarized him as taking the hit to his flank?
- Offensive: No attacks left!
- Mechanics: A few overly long sentences that may have been better broken up, but overall another good post! Only thing I really saw was towards the end: “he’d died standing if he had to”; I assume you mean it more like he would die standing, not as if he already had?
- Notes: This commentary. This commentary. It was so perfect. Thank you for such a wonderful battle to read!
