ASTERION vs KATNISS
@ASTERION - Total: 82/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 10/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 5/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 69, Health 32, Attack 28, +Pallas’ gull Bonded, + Water Manipulation (Periti)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Katniss - Total: 78/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 19/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 10, Attack 10, +Harpy eagle Bonded, + lightweight plated armor
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
Closing Remarks: This was a fun battle! I really like that you guys used all of your perks in some way, instead of just forgetting they exist. Overall you guys should be proud of yourselves for making an excellent battle thread! Good luck to both of you. c:
Dice will be rolled after 1 more staff posts their judging.
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 10/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 5/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 69, Health 32, Attack 28, +Pallas’ gull Bonded, + Water Manipulation (Periti)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- Hungover Asterion, what a change of pace. This post gets me excited for what’s to come, especially with the Dusk King being portrayed in a lighter mood than usual. c:
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Did not use a true block, but I like his reaction to her attack. Also the way you described his pain from her kick is realistic to me, as she is bigger than him and from a draft heritage, it makes sense that what she landed would still sting.
- Offensive: (don’t hate me) I thought this was a kind of bland attack; like it almost mimicked Katniss but on a smaller scale. Also it didn’t make sense for me that he would strike at her forelegs; that’s such a vulnerable area and a solid kick could be devastating, but this is supposed to be a friendly fight.
- Mechanics: “Her eyes not leaving Katniss,” reads strangely to me, I think something more like “without taking her eyes off of Katniss,” would flow better without breaking up the tone. “He only manages between as step and two,” not sure what exactly you meant by this sentence!
- Notes: I like Asterion’s and Cirrus’ one-sided dialogue in the beginning; it’s short but I can really feel their relationship come through. Additionally I thought the way you portrayed Asterion’s restraint worked really well in this post, and that you continued to build the scene by adding in a rumble of thunder at the end.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: No true block used. I like the way you incorporate Cirrus instead of just forgetting her; and also Asterion’s concern and command for her to stay back was a nice read that flowed together really well. Overall his reaction to this attack was well-played I think, and written so well that I can not only see but feel it playing out in my mind!
- Offensive: Incorporating his magic into his attack was a lovely addition (and I love how he’s becoming angry, since this fight doesn’t seem quite-so-friendly as it was intended to be.) But the way you used his magic was really interesting and unique - probably one of my favorite magic attacks yet to be honest! Bravo!
- Mechanics: A few long sentences; they add a nice rushed feel to the overall post, but there’s so many that they become distracting by the end.
- Notes: You continue to set the tone of the scene, and I appreciate that; it gives a bit more body to the post and overall fight in my opinion!
- FOURTH POST (closer)
- It wasn’t until now that I remembered the hangover you described in his entrance post, and I’m a little sad that it didn’t seem to be carried through so much in his replies. There were a couple of typos in this thread, but overall it was a really lovely addition to the scene, and tied things up nicely.
@
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 19/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 10, Attack 10, +Harpy eagle Bonded, + lightweight plated armor
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Defensive: N/A.
- Offensive: I like this attack! I think it started out slightly awkward, since it seemed like she was going to charge but instead just circled him - but I really like how you described her using her body and her reasoning for where she kicks. I also appreciated that it wasn’t just a “she ran up and kicked at him,” but it came across like she was biding her time and took an opportunistic approach.
- Mechanics: “She need to gain experience…” reads awkwardly, “needed” would be better suited. This post switches between past and present tense throughout, but it doesn’t bother me very much in how it reads. “can effect” I believe should be “can affect” as it’s being used as a verb.
- Notes: I noticed that at the beginning, Finnick doesn’t seem to know what’s going on; but by the end he seems aware and is described as knowing when we will be needed. Not a big deal, I just thought it was a bit of an inconsistency in his personality. c: Otherwise I really like how you played with the scene Griffin had set, particularly the humidity and how that plus her own armor was already making her sweat!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: No true block used. I thought it was interested to see her surge into him and his kick. I would have expected her to shy away, but she’s thinking things through very strategically.
- Offensive: I think the pause between her calling Finnick and Finnick’s attack is too long (and her dialogue to Finnick was quite long and composed; not what I would expect in the heat of battle, particularly when she’s just been injured.) That being said, I love the way you used your Bonded in this attack. I’m not sure how much dirt a bird could realistically grab and hold onto, but using this as a distraction was a really fun addition! I don’t often get to see Bondeds used in battle, and I really appreciate that Finnick comes to Katniss’ aid after she’s been injured.
- Mechanics: A few stray typos here and there that break up the flow of the post. “she feels the softness of flesh… which proceeded the smell of fresh blood,” I think you mean “preceded”? And “she sees the wat [way] his body plants.” “My leg is injured and need[s] to remain immobile.”
- Notes: I thought it was funny how she could “almost taste victory” in the very first sentence; the battle isn’t even half over! Even just this one sentence gave me insight into her character, and her determination/confidence to win, and I think it set a good mood for the rest of the post! I do think the ending of the post is a bit odd; it reads like it’s a stop-and-go-battle, one second they’re fighting and the next they’re waiting around without much urgency.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: No true block used. I thought this was a very interesting reaction; she didn’t know the details of his magic, she doesn’t know what it can do or what he plans for it to do; she just braces herself and takes it head on like a wave. It’s really dramatic and I love that about it. Additionally I think her reaction to it is very realistic; he’s much more powerful than her, so the fact that you wrote it as her struggling to stay upright against the force of the wave was a nice read, and I find myself hanging onto every word hoping she keeps her balance.
- Offensive: No attacks left; no offensive strategies used.
- Mechanics: I can’t quite place why the thread feels choppy, but it doesn’t seem to flow quite right. That said it stays in present tense, so I like that you stayed in the same tense consistently as compared to your previous posts.
- Notes: I feel like Katniss has become more and more of a bystander in this thread; you repeat “she watches” a lot and while I like the style and how it reads, I feel like she should be more proactive in a battle, especially being a soldier who is here to train.
Closing Remarks: This was a fun battle! I really like that you guys used all of your perks in some way, instead of just forgetting they exist. Overall you guys should be proud of yourselves for making an excellent battle thread! Good luck to both of you. c:
Dice will be rolled after 1 more staff posts their judging.
