I listen to her explanation of this "Kaos." Would I have been able to prevent anything from happening that did? No. Without a doubt I would have been as powerless as the other citizens of Helovia. Could I have maybe encouraged some to leave before the end? Maybe. The beating muscle in my chest tenses just as the muscles in my hindquarters might tense before a leap. Realizing as she continues speaking that this filly might be my granddaughter makes it all that much more painful. But the look on Victorina's soft face tells me -- yes. The 'maybe', the 'could it possibly'... the answer is.. "Yes." I nearly choke on the one word. More emotion that I'm used to expressing welling up inside my throat. My heart pangs, my lungs ache. My nostrils burn and my throat is tight. For a moment I can't meet her emerald eyes, my own staring at the ground. Another moment later and I bring my gaze up. Speech is difficult, but I make it happen. "Vitani was my daughter. Her mother Kiara." I blink back what must be tears forming, and hope that I can avoid showing such weakness in front of this impressionable young thing. What would she think of me for leaving her mother and grandmother to die?
Suddenly I stand, disturbing the grass and sand around me, and I turn my bulky form away from her. "I.. I didn't know what was going to happen." My voice is deep, gravely, distorted by disbelief and pain and... I can't identify all the emotions, in fact no coherent thought at all is going through my mind. I am shamed to be in Victorina's presence. The next words are so soft they're barely audible. "I'm sorry." There's nothing that can be said to erase what I've done - what I HAVEN'T done. I can't beg her forgiveness nor even promise to atone for my sins of abandoning my family, for I cannot guarantee that somehow the same thing won't happen again. I have never claimed to know the future and have always found it wise to avoid doing so. What will she think of me? How can she even stand to look at me?
Tag: @Victorina
Rostislav
more than a drunken fool
