ISRAFEL vs THEODOSIA
@Israfel - Total: 78/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 16/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 15/15, Realism: 14/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 28, Health 22, Attack 18, +Phoenix Bonded, + Pyromancy (Vexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Theodosia - Total: 84/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 11/15, Realism: 14/15
WRITING: Creativity: 5/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 12, Health 10, Attack 10, +iron chestplate/bracers, + Stormcalling (Discipuli)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
Closing Remarks: Really well done guys, I enjoyed reading the emotional development of both character’s throughout the course of this thread. I really appreciated that you both stayed true to character, and turned this rendezvous into something a little more dramatic and a little more profound than either character might have anticipated. c:
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 16/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 15/15, Realism: 14/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 28, Health 22, Attack 18, +Phoenix Bonded, + Pyromancy (Vexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I like how well you set the scene; I see a lot of people write short intros because they aren’t sure what to put here, but your commentary really helped get me into the mood for battle. And I always appreciate when the first person sets a scene for the next to reply to!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Well that was one of the fanciest dodges I’ve seen.
- Offensive: I feel like her stabbing another horse in mid-air is just setting her up for an abrupt stop or a snapped horn haha. If she were to actually stab her, the momentum would carry her body forward even as her horn is stopping her movement, and that just sounds ouch to me. Definitely hoping she only manages to scrape her in Theo’s next post, versus stab her.
- Mechanics: Kind of a bumpy ride reading through, I felt like there was a lot of description about Israfel and less so about what she was doing if that makes sense? I’d like the actions to be clearer because it’s a battle scenario, but it was a really lovely read regardless!
- Notes: I’m really enjoying watching Israfel go from political delegate to Warden mode? Her commentary is beautiful, it really gives this fight a little more depth and continues from the scene you’ve set in your first post.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: No true dodge used because you already used your one; that being said, I like how you played out her response to the attack! I don’t really have anything to compare it to (I’ve never been almost struck by lightning myself), but I think you played pretty well to the disorienting effect it would have!
- Offensive: Oh I have been waiting to see Solaris get involved. I feel like your writing itself really helped spruce up this attack, but it feels really calculated, and less spontaneous I think? Which may have been your intent, so ignore this if it is!
- Mechanics: Nothing that glares out at me.
- Notes: I can really feel Israfel’s pride coming out in this post, and I definitely appreciated seeing her bonded come into play!
@
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 11/15, Realism: 14/15
WRITING: Creativity: 5/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 12, Health 10, Attack 10, +iron chestplate/bracers, + Stormcalling (Discipuli)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Defensive: N/A.
- Offensive: I really like this attack - it’s a unique interpretation of a charge that plays true to a pegasus (I’m envisioning like, barn sparrows lunging at and clawing at each other haha before twisting away haha.)
- Mechanics: Some long, complicated sentences that probably could have used a read-over to help refine them, but nothing sticks out to me!
- Notes: I think Theodosia’s dialogue really helps bring this post to life, the way she challenges Israfel and taunts her from the sky.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: I really like the way you acknowledge Theodosia struggling in response to not only Israfel’s attack, but also her own and the repercussions the bolt has on her. I also like that while you didn’t skip over it, it’s also not written about to a distracting length; Theo just jumps on into her attack.
- Offensive: I really like that Theo used her magic instinctually and in response, it plays true to her current tiers and just herself as a character. That being said, I feel like it’s worded in a way that makes it more likely to hurt herself than Israfel? Which can be a fun route to play, but since she’s using her magic as an attack I’d like to see more of a definite attack in there somewhere. c:
- Mechanics: A pretty clear read! Good use of truncated sentences imo, it flowed nicely for me.
- Notes: I really admire that you’re continuing the same commentary/mood from your first post, without repeating yourself or allowing it to become boring. Even though you’ve continued the same thread of thought on her emotions and her connection with the elements, each word is new and exciting and it keeps me hooked.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: I almost wish I had seen more of a true block? I know she’s disoriented, but I feel it would make sense for her as a seasoned soldier to be able to hit the ground and cover her head, so to speak. That being said, I like the way you wrote out her continued disorientation, and her response to the sky borne attack.
- Offensive: N/A, out of attacks.
- Mechanics: A short post (which makes sense without any attacks or true blocks), that I think reads pretty nicely through!
- Notes: That little flashback at the beginning has me really feeling for her. I think it tied up her battle (and her journey through this thread, in a sense) really nicely. Really well done I think. <3
Closing Remarks: Really well done guys, I enjoyed reading the emotional development of both character’s throughout the course of this thread. I really appreciated that you both stayed true to character, and turned this rendezvous into something a little more dramatic and a little more profound than either character might have anticipated. c:
