ISRAFEL vs THEODOSIA
@Israfel - Total: 76/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 20/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism: 15/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 28, Health 22, Attack 18, +Phoenix Bonded, + Pyromancy (Vexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 20/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism: 15/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 28, Health 22, Attack 18, +Phoenix Bonded, + Pyromancy (Vexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I like how detailed you are in describing the setting for this battle; imagery can always be a good way to set the scene/mood. I also appreciated how Israfel drew similarities between herself and Theo to strategize her attack.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Her magic made sense in the scenario, and I am glad she chose to utilize it—in a scenario like this where time is of the essence, I like how you write it as less of a conscious decision and more as a calling.
- Offensive: While a good use of her horn, this attack would have made much more sense stationary. As it is written, I think the force of the collision with Theo would pull on her horn upon contact, so the fact she sustains no damage or pain after the attack renders it pretty unrealistic.
- Mechanics: I am often guilty of writing long sentences myself, but many of the ones here distracted from the actual content of the post.
- Notes: I enjoyed your description of the imagery here.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Not very creative, but closing her eyes is a pretty realistic reaction to the attack, so I can’t blame you for going this route.
- Offensive: I am glad you chose to use Solaris seeing as Israfel was temporarily disoriented by Theo’s lightning strike.
- Mechanics: The beginning of this post reads choppily to me: the description of Theo’s injury doesn’t flow well into Isra’s reaction, perhaps a different transition sentence at the end of the first paragraph would have helped. The repetition of some words in close proximity (determination, ozone, etc.) were distracting, as well.
@Theodosia- Total: 85/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 24/30, Realism: 24/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 10/15, Realism: 15/15
WRITING: Creativity: 5/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 12, Health 10, Attack 10, +iron chestplate/bracers, + Stormcalling (Discipuli)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: I like the incorporation of the setting outlined by Sparrow in Theo’s use of the setting sun; the attack is well-written and gives a good sense of the movement and positioning of her body while still sounding eloquent.
- Mechanics: In the first paragraph you describe her “scabbed over knuckles,” which maybe would have been better replaced with knees for a horse.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: I appreciate how you explicitly mention the effort involved in her steering away from Israfel’s fire columns as it adds to the realism of Theo’s post. The damage taken is realistic for her health, as well.
- Offensive: Your description of the strike as a reaction of Theo’s magic to the pain of being cut is both realistic and a creative use of her stormcalling.
- Mechanics: A few comma splices, but nothing major stood out to me here.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: She doesn’t use an actual block here, but with her fatiguing attack and relatively low health/attack levels compared to Israfel, I think this still fits well into the scheme of the battle.
- Mechanics: Some run on sentences.
- Notes: I think the inclusion of her exhaustion after her attack was appropriate and well-placed. The “did I win?” at the end was a cute reminder of her character.
