is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding?
Lasairian hadn't often slipped away from the Bheo even that far in his youth, though he had done it here and there just to see the world beyond it. It truly had felt like an entirely new world to explore, but it had also seemed lacking in so many of the qualities he had sought out while he was young. It still probably was, but Lasairian had chosen to leave his home, telling himself it was for his own good, that his well-being relied upon going. He still believed it, even now when he was further from all of that, from where he had thought he was willing to go. This was further yet, an entirely different direction to step into.
Yet that was what made it so safe from his own concerns of giving into temptations he shouldn't. This was better, because he doubted he would be found here, because who would look in this direction of all places? Of all instances? No, Lasairian doubted that anyone would look here for him. It wasn't the type of place anyone would suspect he would be. Which was why it was such a good cover, why he wasn't fighting against it. Just trying to sort out how this could ever be any kind of home to him. He did not feel it, yet, but he supposed it would take time. Adjustments had to be made, and he was doing his best to make them.
Getting homesick, though, was still a burden to deal with, but he was. Slowly and in small ways, and perhaps in small doses of facing it like this. Looking at the plains and remembering how close to home it was, just that hop and a skip away back then. Lasairian had never been one to show any signs of wanting to leave home -- that had always been Seoras, his older brother -- but in that came more of a shock to the community, that he would leave as well. Of this he was sure. He had been fairly content there, but there was always a breaking point, and that had come to him sooner than he had thought it would. One little mistake made, and he felt the need to leave.
So he had, and all of that had led to this. Standing here, feeling the chill through his fur, still sharp against his skin. Feeling the absence of the magic he had once known, and needing to know how to reclaim some of that. He was reaching for it, urged to keep going, keep learning. He wasn't going to give it up. He couldn't go there, could not fathom such a thing. But today was for memory, for trying to heal his emotional aches, the gaps left within himself from leaving, from ending up in a place like this that he had never dreamed he would fall into. Here he was anyway, and coping with that was not the most easy pill to swallow.
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