is this a natural feeling or is it just me bleeding?
He still pushed himself to read more, seek out more that had anything to do with the subjects that he was interested in. Going through the rows of books, checking the titles for something that screamed out at him. He wanted something that just called to him for today. It could be anything, Lasairian wasn't passing up anything that just reached out at him right now. Maybe he was just looking for a sign, for something, anything, to direct him on a path that was outside of his norm. Lasairian felt like there was too much that aligned with this place, and wondered if it meant something more, somehow.
He had given up so much getting here, and he ached from those losses, from all that had been lost along the way. He didn't like talking about it, didn't want to go there, but it was constantly lingering on his mind. That much couldn't be helped, no matter how much he had been trying to push it away. Lasairian didn't want to dwell in the past, did not want to be so caught up in what had been that he couldn't see all that was now in front of him. He was worried that was how it would be, how he would keep going. So he tried to throw himself into what he could be here, into trying to be better all around.
On and on he went, searching for that one book that made him feel a certain way, something aside from what he felt in general looking at all the rest of them. Lasairian already had a deep love and respect for knowledge and the books that contained it, so it had to be something that really pulled him in, something that outshined everything else. It could be just a word, or the way a book looked; anything that caught his attention in a way that the others weren't right now. Not that quiet interest he regarded most with, but something more. He had to find that, even if it took all day and all night. So he kept going.
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