[Judged] WARDOGS

[sid]

MARISOL vs ASTERION

@Marisol - Total: 78/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 11/15, Realism:  9/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics: 2/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 19, Health 10, Attack 10, + weapon: throwing spear

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST (intro)
  
  • A good intro - I like how full it is of setting and character. Although that very last sentence when Marisol greets Asterion reads funny - considering Vespera has hooves, not hands. c;

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive:  Maan her response to his magic is so beautiful. I truly appreciate that you wrote in it being hard to breathe - it’s something Id didn’t even consider as an effect of his magic until I read it, and it makes perfect sense. Really enjoyed this part of the post.
  • Offensive: I like that you followed through with the ending of Asterion’s post (them being so close) and really used it to Marisol’s advantage still! It may just be a lunge at him, but I like how well it flows from Asterion’s post and how well you dressed it up with emotion.
  • Mechanics: A bit choppy in the beginning - “She loves Vespera she knows how to love anything”, “a stone’s throw [away]”, “digs in her hooves into”, etc. a little choppy throughout but it definitely picks up about midway through. I’m not going to really dig into the mechanics of either of your posts, your’s was a bit choppy but overall a pleasant read, aside from a few distracting errors as mentioned. c:
  • Notes:  Oh Marisol, it’s always such a pleasure to read her in her fighting element. Really enjoying her in this spar so far, these two play off each other’s energy very well.

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive:  I feel like this dodge would be a little hard to pull off - since they’re literally entangled and both rearing up at each other. They’re in such close quarters I can’t imagine Marisol getting away from his bite cleanly, especially since she’s actively leaning into the attack! It seems a bit strange that she’d go from dropping her weight on him to free in an instant; that being said, I like that she pushes off of Asterion to give herself more momentum to escape. c:
  • Offensive: Ahh I love that she managed to get enough distance between them to use her spar! It’s oddly poetic that she thwarts Asterion’s attempts to corner her in, so I liked this a lot. c: Her questioning herself and her intent to kill or not was also fun to read, but I love where you’re going with the attack! It has me on the edge of my seat, waiting to see the outcome of it in the next post haha.
  • Mechanics: A bit of a run-on sentence in the second paragraph, and I feel as if the third paragraph doesn’t flow so well? You describe her escape in the paragraph before, but then seem to go back and describe it again in a second manner, it threw me off to be honest! Otherwise again a really smooth read, and I can’t pick much else apart!
  • Notes: The “wrestling not fighting” comment made me smile, because this is what a true horse fight often looks like - however, I appreciate it because Marisol is a tactician and a soldier, and definitely more the “strike fast and true” sort of gal. c; Although I feel like Marisol stumbled a lot in this post, which I would not expect from a seasoned fighter like herself.

• FINAL POST (exit)
  
  • Marisol, Marisol, you can’t throw a spear with deadly intent and then be amazed at the result, or relieved that it wasn’t a deadly result haha. This post had a few typos in the beginning, and I’m surprised she doesn’t keep her anger and disappointment from her intro post, but overall a really nice closer!

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@ASTERION - Total: 87/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 28/30, Realism:  23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity:  11/15, Realism:  13/15
WRITING: Creativity:  4/5, Realism:  4/5, Mechanics:  4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 76, Health 42, Attack 38, + bonded: Pallas’ Gull + magic: water

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

• FIRST POST
  
  • Defensive:  N/A.
  • Offensive: This magic use is really intriguing, and I appreciate you taking the time to describe the magic before he even uses it to attack. That being said, this was much more a tactical move than a harmful attack, and I really appreciate the creativity in doing so. Asterion is bringing his best today while staying true to his nature, as far as I can see.
  • Mechanics: I’m not going to pick apart the mechanics themselves, because at the end of the day this post flowed very clearly and painted a very nice picture to me of what Asterion is feeling and doing. A smooth read overall
  • Notes: I’m actually surprised by how much you skipped right ahead to him arriving - Marisol’s post was so full of setting, I really appreciate that instead of re-describing it you moved forward from her post, it really reads like a cohesive story and ties the beginning of this battle together!

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive:  No true dodge used, that being said I’d like to see a little more of a response to her attack.
  • Offensive: Almost like a real horse fight?? I can see this playing out in my head so well, the realism factor is definitely here and I appreciate it entirely. Also the consistency between your two posts is refreshing, in that he keeps trying to keep her close to him.
  • Mechanics: You switch tenses a few times, which makes some transitions between sentences a bit hard to follow. Otherwise still a smooth read!
  • Notes: I cannot recall if I’ve seen a fight quite like this one before; most people would duck or dodge or something to that effect, but I love that Asterion is rising to meet her and still trying to prove her otherwise.

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive:  I’m not sure he’d have much time to consider it and think through a dodge - that being said, I appreciate that you didn’t go crazy and turn it into a complete miss! His shock is perfect, and his response/reaction to the strike feels appropriate.
  • Offensive: I know you didn’t have any attacks left without buying one, but I definitely appreciated hearing Asterion’s reasoning on why he chose to not pursue her.
  • Mechanics: Again flows very smoothly from Marisol’s, so reading it is like reading a cohesive unit. A few typos (“To wear (where) the spear leans”) and long sentences that felt rushed, it made me miss the consistency of your first two posts a bit.
  • Notes: Asterion’s commentary is everything. That is all. <3

• FINAL POST (exit)
  
  • I feel like this post was a bit empty - colored up with nice imagery, but otherwise just a flat close, like the spar built up and up and then ended far too happy haha. That being said, all the rest of this thread has been one of my favorite battles to date, and I thank you for an excellent read!

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Closing Remarks: Like said above, this has been one of my favorite battles. Marisol and Asterion play off of each other’s energy so well - I’ve got to know if there’s a follow up to this thread?? Because I absolutely need to read more of them.