Sol Bestiam
"You're like . . . . as big as a shark. How can YOU not be confident. Even make-believing you are confidence can definitely evolve into confidence. My . . . mother often liked to say that make-believe something and you'll trick yourself into believing it too. Whether it's monsters in the shallows before bed, or emotions you're wanting to feel but can't. As a fry, I'd often tell her I was seeing scary things in the shallows before bed, and she told me it was my imagination playing tricks that I was falling for, but it could work two ways. I can make-believe I'm confident and unafraid as well; and eventually I will be because I'll convince even myself." Sol snorted as he listened to her shock. "At least you didnt say as big as a whale... I will take shark." He laughed as he continued to listen to the mare as she made an argument for make-believe. "I guess my past has shaken any confidence I had. I cant say that I am afraid of much, but I am also not the type to think I can handle anything that the world throws at me without help. Perhaps I should try to make-believe and see if it works." He mused, shooting a grin her way. The tall draft mix was hopeful that he had found a friend in this new realm.
"I can definitely understanding crashing and difficult with balancing. Having come from the sea, I'm still struggling to relearn walking on land. I can glide through the water like an otter, keep up with dolphins, out maneuver a shark, and laze about with the nicer seals, but walking on land is so difficult. Even the little bit of walking I did do was on hard ice and only long enough to get myself fully out of the water. Beyond that, my people lived fully underwater, and it's a different world, a different feel to moving underwater than on land. I'm constantly stumbling over odd terrain. Grass is my weakness, the dirt beneath it changing so frequently. In the water you have to propel yourself forward, pushing off of ground and sand to push through the water . . . pushing off while walking on land just sends you lurking forward - it can be horribly embarrassing. But I'm slowly getting to it. Sand and rock offers no difficulties usually now. It's just the softer, malable grounds I have issues with." Sol nodded, imagining what it must be like getting used to walking on land after being in the water. It seemed that only the usual horses had their worlds all figured out and how to traverse them. "I get that. It sounds like when I first land from the air. I always have to take a minute to let my body adjust to the gravity and feel of the earth beneath my hooves. I am not sure how other pegasi feel when coming to ground, but the gravity always feels so intense for the first few moments, like I am going to sink straight down. I suppose it could be from the fact that I am as big as a shark too..." He chuckled at the last sentence, shooting her a smile. "Not sure that I will ever be brave enough to try swimming, so I cant wrap my head around that feeling." He laughed again as he shook his head.
"It's not so bad traveling in smaller numbers, enough to defend and watch out for each other, but not so many individuals as to make up a large 'come and get us' sign." The ebony, gold, and white stallion nodded his roman nosed head. "Sometimes, being in a large crowd is worse than being alone in uncertain environments. At least, this way we are not making as much noise to attract whatever hides in the forest." Sol spoke honestly, eyes traveling to the dark island before them.
"It's beautiful beneath the waves, but it's a dangerous fish-eat-fish world too. One moment you can be admiring a beautiful reef, the next, a barracuda is charging you from out of nowhere. It's one part admiring the world, and another part watching your surroundings at all times." The words from her lips reminded him of home... of the herd that he had been born into. It seemed like there was a constant underlying power struggle that could cost any horse their life at any time. He paused in his thinking, remembering the near weekly battles for dominance that his sire had been pushed into. "I guess anywhere can be like that... and barracudas can be stallions seeking power." He mused, not realizing that he had spoken aloud. Shaking his head, he continued beside her in silence for a bit. "So are you happy here? I wont ask it if is better than the ocean, but have you at least found a place where you belong?" There was an air of seeking to his words, betraying the fact that he didnt feel that he belonged anywhere.
"I don't think a life-time ban from your home was right. You said yourself, you'd been raised believing you could have anything you wanted. In large-part, that culture you grew up in, the way your parents taught you to have anything you pleased led to your reaction when denied - especially paired with her laughing at you. Did you over-react, certainly; but did your raising have a heavy hand to play in the outcomes; absolutely. Any horse, be they of the sea or land, are shaped by the family they keep. Your parents play a large role in who you are as a foal, and who you will be as an adult. Whether by positive effect, or negative. To merely cast you out after such actions was deplorable. Instead they should have sought to right the wrongs they had caused. Similar situations could have led to you believing it was all the filly's fault for the cast away. She had denied you and laughed at you - and had deserved the punishment. And then you had been kicked out because she'd denied and laughed at you - you could have put all blame on her and grown into a stallion who despised females. Instead you showed your true colors in remorse and regret. You outgrew the teachings of your parents to make a better version of yourself - a very lucky thing for you, and typically what would have only happened had you been 'retaught' under your parents guidance after such actions." Sol listened to her words, feeling a mixture of relief, remorse, and shock at them. "The life-time ban might not be right, but I dont think that my returning would be a positive thing either. If my father is still in power, no doubt he has already named a new heir. If not... Well... Knowing the power players when I left... Lets just say it could turn into a death sentence to return. And in regards to despising females... no. She was right to have a choice in the matter and I was wrong to think that my decision should have been the answer to every question. It was unfair of me to believe that just because I decreed that she would be my mate, she should be happy and accepting of it. Neither of us would have been happy in that pairing and it could have gotten so much worse for her if I would have stayed the same." And he did believe that with all of his heart. He didnt want to get into a relationship that was built on force and would shift to hatred and resentment. Shaking his head, he sighed. "Now my goal is to redeem myself in any way that I can... To help those that need help and to do right by others." His deep voice was dark with emotion as he walked, face angled away from Bel in a mixture of pain and shame at what he had done. "I do have to admit, I was expecting you to want nothing to do with me for it. To hate me for the colt that I was. You are the kind of being that gives me hope that I can be better..." His words were soft and fervent, like a prayer in the darkness.
"The pleasure is mine. Now then, lets' see what this forest holds, shall we. I imagine there must be something exciting with in it, don't you think. We probably don't want to venture to far in, but still we can at least explore the outer edges a fair bit." Sol nodded, shoving the emotions that he had been feeling down to try to make the best of the night with Bel. "The beach and outer edges of the forest sounds like a good place to start... Hopefully that, plus the fact that it is night, will make it a little less likely to maim us." He responded, laughing softly at the idea of being safe in this strange land.
"Speaking."
Notes: She reacted better than he could have expected, so he wouldnt be surprised that she believes it his fault. He was awful as a colt and will admit it himself lol.
