[Judged] gonna stick to my guns, like you taught me

[inkbone]

CAINE vs SERAPHINA

@CAINE- Total: 83/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 24/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism:  10/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 13, Health 8, Attack 12 (Not used in battle, per character agrement -> magic: dream illusion + weapon: silver dagger)

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.) 

• FIRST POST (intro)
  
  • This post paints a lovely comparison of the past to the present - Caine's homeworld to the one he inhabits now. Overall, this post laid out the atmospehere in an excellent sense! Interesting choice, too, to fight in the midst of a downpour ;)
    

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive: From the initial phrasing in Sera's post, I read it as she's not quite *that* far away from Caine when she starts her initial 'attack'... so Caine's seemingly prolonged wait read a little odd. It's hard to tell who is at "fault" for this one - you for misjudging the distance, or Jeanne for actually misrepresenting it in her last post. However seeing him mentally fumble in reaction to his timing of Sera's attack was both good and bad - not something I would expect of an assassin, but not necessarily bad as it shows his mental train of thought.
  • Offensive: I LOVED his offensive reaction! Yes he may have fumbled the timing to manage a clean get away from her bite/nip, but attempting to go chest-to-chest to knock her off balance
  • Mechanics: Breaking the ".. reacting than attacking outright. Despite what his occupation may suggest." sentence seemed like an odd break to me. I did appreciate the sentence(s), though, as it gave a nice glimpse into what his strengths and weaknesses are (which are realistic for his profession).
  • Notes: The snarky "Am I really that delicate looking?" comment definitely gives way to the type of relationship they have. I'm always a fan of sassy banter ;D

• THIRD POST
  
  • Defensive: Once gain, the use of a disadvantage (sopping wet, heavy wings) to his advantage makes a massive difference in both the outcome and creativity of the dodge. Quick thinking; I'd honestly expect nothing less of Caine!
  • Offensive: This 'attack' felt like lackluster in comparison to the momentum of his dodge, in both writing and realism.. and one thing I caution you to avoid is perceived powerplaying. While I know both you and Jeanne's writing style well enough to know it wasn't meant as such - since you're both responsible and considerate of one another and others - the "his teeth clamp down on the white hair" could have been easily interpreted as such to an unfamiliar party.
  • Mechanics: I thought this post was very well written, grammatically and in regards to physical mechanics! His seemingly withering/snarky indignation at her soft blows is wonderful, too.. as well as his genuine concern for Sera's freezing hesitation/fear that he witnessed.

• FINAL POST (exit)
  
  • This was a good closure to an awesome spar!

---

---

---

@Seraphina - Total: 81/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism:  23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 13/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 3/5, Mechanics:  2/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 51, Health 17, Attack 23 (Not used in battle, per character agrement -> magic: greater telekinesis + weapon: enchanted sword + armor: leather/steel with steel arrow)

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.) 

• FIRST POST
  
  • Defensive: While this post didn't have any typically defensive moves, such as a dodge, it did include her evaluation of Caine. Reading how Sera tensed up when Caine bowed and moved back seems fitting for her character.
  • Offensive: I really liked reading how she considered her options, weighed them against Caine's winged advantages. The idea to try and pin him back against the wall is an interesting one, although I find it most appealing in that it read almost as a "mock charge."
  • Mechanics: Your post, as all your others, reads like a gorgeous story. However you did start with a sentence or two that read a little weird to me, but not innately wrong - particly the "'Rain' is perhalps..." sentence. It seemed to be a little cumbersome on the tongue. Likewise, the "though the rain drips down her lashes and threatens" was a little bit of a run on that could have been more easily read if cut up properly. And while appropriate, the word 'rain' was used quite a bit; a synonym or comprable word would have helped it sound less repetitive. This, along with some other words/phrases like "she can barely make", took a point or two off of the writing score due to their repetitive use.
  • Notes: I *loved* reading Sera's almost knee-jerk reaction to the flashbacks of her battle with Raum. It really made her character come more alive in this post, and put her development out there in all its raw glory! That and her hilarious reaction to his familiar braidwork makes her character seem that much more three dimensional.

• SECOND POST
  
  • Defensive: Once again, reading how the traumatic past affects her in the present is refreshing to read. It's a league away from the usually compose soldier that many expect Sera to be, but that's what characte development is all about.
  • Offensive: So I'm torn about this one.. I fully understand her stumble in regards to his onslaught, however it seems a little odd/off that she would have the distance/space to actually rear up afterwards? It may just be how I'm reading it, but I feel like Caine would have too much forward momentum for the distance between them not to be lost. However upon reading Caine's next post, I did have my confusion cleared up!
  • Mechanics: This post was a little comma-heavy, but overall better on the front of run-on sentences. It read well and listening to the duality in her personality - from the raw pain of her previous defeat and near-death to the snarky relationship that her and Caine share - is always a good read.
  • Notes: "Too worried about like, scratching him to actually fight him" is FAR too true, lmao

• THIRD/FINAL POST (exit)
  
  • Defensive: Not much in the way of defenses in this post, but that's okay! I honestly wouldn't classify Sera's bracing as a block, but given that it seemed pretty readily apparent that Caine's "bite" attack wasn't very aggressive ... it doesn't seem unrealistic for her not to fight back.
  • Offensive: Nothing offensive in this post, since all attacks were already used.
  • Mechanics: A few little typos here and there, like "(wither) expression" instead of "(withering) expression," but nothing major! Overall this was an incredibly emotional post - out of all the ones in this thread, I'd say the most emotional. There's a lot of vulnerability in her words, her actions, her past and present... I'll never be sick of reading Sera's character develop and blossom into what it has become today.
  • Notes: I really love the dynamic between Sera and Caine. 'Nough said ♥

---

---

---

Closing Remarks: Overall this was a really close spar! And even if there was no menace or aggression behind the attacks - from either party, really - this thread felt like an exploration into the characters that both Sera and Caine have become. And I'll never get tired of seeing them together and am convinced I'll ship them to the ends of the earth ♥