[P] miss these harbor lights [Icarus]

[Elena]

every day it feels like I’m holding back an ocean

It would be lovely to indulge the lie, wouldn't it? That she is nothing, to purge herself and make herself into a shell of what she once once, with an echo of a heart that once lay inside her chest, breaking and assembling only to be broken again. If given the choice, Elena thinks she would forget the good and the bad, because she could forget all of them and the way their hot breath felt on her skin.

The good too, how her parents tucked her in every night and her grandmother awakened her every morning. Forget the thunder of the falls only to have it ripped from her hands like it was some sort of greedy child. Forget the man she should have fallen in love with, but left him with his heart in his hand all the same. 

But, it is a fool’s errand. 

Elena has never been nothing, she is too much. There is too much death (it soils her skin, sometimes she dreams she is rotting from the inside out), too much love, too much ache. 

“Then end it,” the voice had said, it had been dark. Blind, blind. “But I am too afraid.” There is salt on her lips, but she cant feel the tears stinging her eyes. 

The voice hasn't returned. But Elena has her sight once more, and she sees those shadows that follow her, however silent they may be. 

Maybe that is why she travels to Dawn, under the guise of collecting medical supplies for Dusk. She wants to escape these shadows that keep finding her no matter how far or fast she runs. She travels through Dusk, through the humid swamp until she can get to the river. The water, she knows it will be cold, and she carefully moves downstream where there may be spots where it narrows enough for her to cross it. 

How often had she gone to the river in Beqanna? It had been where she had found Cordis and Brinly. Where she had discovered a whale shape shifter and Brunhilde, along with her lion companion. The river had been a place of meetings and new faces for Elena, while the forest had been home to fear and shadows. Faces that got to close to hers, leading to heart tremors and shaking hands. 

So Elena is grateful to Dawn and its meadows. As her feet crunch against the snow, and the sun is almost blinding. Dawn and the day, it was a curious decision why Elena chose Dusk as her chosen path, but perhaps it will become apparent soon enough. She reaches the capital, and moves towards its center. “Excuse me,” she says as faces pass by. “Could anyone direct me to where I may find some herbs. I am collecting medical supplies.” They rush past her, no doubt on the way to some seminars, their books in hand. Elena has learned the Dawn are known for their brains, just as they say the Dusk are known for their kindness. Her ears fall to the side slightly in defeat. “Please, can someone help me?”



* e l e n a
in the dark I’ll pray for the return of the light
the sunflower daughter of benjamin and beylani
medic of dusk.

@Icarus