I learned many things while my family was away.
I learned I was impatient. The moment their sail disappeared below the horizon, I wanted them back. I quickly grew tired of being alone. I hated feeling like I was waiting for something to happen, something big and bad and dangerous. Something to justify how I stayed behind.
I learned I was not as independent as I wanted to believe. I learned my parent’s approval, once discarded with the roll of my eyes, meant more than I ever realized. And I realized exactly how much my sister’s companionship soothed my soul. Without them I felt so very small.
I learned countless other things about myself, things which I will not ruin by sharing. They were not all bad things, but I must admit--
I was very tired of growing up.
The funny thing is: the whole time they were gone, I never considered the possibility that they would not return. If I let myself think about that, even for a second, I would be ruined. Lost to despair. There were some bad thoughts, some really bad thoughts, which were the beginning of a downward spiral, and I knew this was one of those. But when the ship gently docked and I ran at full speed to meet it, all that pent up fear was unleashed with such force I thought I was going to vomit. What if they didn’t make it? What if they died, hundreds of miles from home? I don't even remember exactly how we parted ways, what my last words were. Whatever they were, they would not have been enough. They never could be.
I saw my mother jump overboard, all grace and fierce beauty pouring into the loving sea. My vision became blurry, my heart almost broke with fullness. I was so happy it hurt. A wild, beautiful kind of pain I could happily live inside forever. Still-- a panic was rising in me, barely contained. I needed to see my sister, or I was going to explode. My nervous energy was contagious and Furfur, pressed close to my side, began to howl. A heartbeat later, I raised my lips to the sky, inhaled deeply, and began to howl with him. It was, at the same time, a mourning and a summoning.
Come home, we sang
Come home, come home, come home
or we will burn
all the world
to ash
@Avesta :D
