some simply become it
There's a reason I don't leave Denocte. Okay, maybe several reasons. For one, it's more comfortable. Especially compared to living in a desert (I don't understand how anyone can live in those conditions). Also while I don't know every single Court member, I recognize most of them. I also know pretty much every inch of the land and every alleyway of the markets so it makes getting around much easier. As soon as I leave the gate, it's like a foreign world to me. The last time I did, I met some psycho on the island so that was it for me.
Or so I thought.
For whatever reason, I'm drawn to the mountains where they say others pray (and sometimes speak) to the deities. I had been told that the journey is difficult, but I had shrugged it off thinking I'd be fine. Well, I'm not fine but I've gone too far to turn back now.
The path up is certainly difficult. I can feel the air thinning and the ground looks so far down from up here. I wish I had wings so I didn't have to worry about this so much, but at this point, I'm too stubborn to not finish the trek. I don't need a rumor to go around that I'm weak and couldn't make it. The several stones that come loose beneath me aren't doing much to keep me calm and neither is the snow covering everything.
When I do finally make it to the top, it's pretty I guess. It looks like everything had been carved out of the mountain itself and it's like nothing I've ever seen. The stone columns loom above me and my hoofsteps echo as I take my first steps inside.
I'm not really sure what to do at this point because it just feels empty besides the moon above. It washes the stone in its moonlight, making it all look almost ethereal. I know that many come up here to worship, pray, ask for guidance, etc. Me, I guess I don't know why I came here. I just felt compelled to.
So I walk to the center and take a seat, looking at everything around me. This place looks ancient with all the overgrown plants and moss covering the pillars. There must've been countless others who made this same journey up here so I almost feel out of place. I've never been a particularly spiritual individual. I've just had some moments where they've felt like encounters with Caligo, or close enough.
"Uh, hi," I say, clearing my throat. My voice also echoes off the walls and I don't really like it. "Caligo." As if "she" didn't already know I was talking to her, but just in case I guess. This feels too awkward.
"It's me…" I trail off and question if this is even worth doing. I'm not expecting her ghost to manifest in front of me and talk back. In fact, I'm not really expecting anything from this. Maybe it'll just be good to say that I bothered to come up here and do this, even if I don't entirely believe in the point of it.
"I don't really know what to say, just… maybe some pointers would be nice. You know, like you usually do. Or I guess it's more like you throw me in situations I hate." I think to the colt I saved from frostbite and that feeling burning into me like she was watching to make sure I followed through. Then that same thing happened when Bram was getting attacked by that gryphon. "You know I'm still bitter you paired me with a wolf of all things." I can't help but laugh. My need for revenge against wolves is long gone, but for a while it was a struggle having my bonded be the very creature I grew up hating for decades.
"Would've been nice to get a warning light that Al'Zahra was a waste of time though…" I grit my teeth. I don't know if many believe the deities have a hand in a lot of this stuff, but the bitterness is strong. I will always have a hole in my heart from loving such a woman. More strongly, I hate myself for letting me be so vulnerable. Of course I had my heart broken, I fell way too hard for her.
And now I have Maeve.
My daughter. I love her so much, even if it doesn't always seem like it. I know without Al'Zahra, she wouldn't be here.
I sigh.
"If you are listening, or are there, I don't know. Just…" I feel so silly talking to the air and shadows, but I can feel desperation setting in as I think about all the dangers in this world. "Help me protect Maeve, okay? Give me the strength or whatever. She… means a lot to me."
And that's when I hear the steps of another, but all I see is a silhouette. I narrow my eyes and try not to get too ahead of myself. It simply can't be Caligo. It's impossible.
Right?
@Tenebrae <3
