tenebrae
let everything happen to you, beauty and terror, just keep going, no feeling is final
Tenebrae drinks in the soft hues of the girl before him. The warmth of her smile does more than just heat her face and his heart. It warms the very air around them and as the autumnal chill settles itself into the harsher trials of winter, Tenebrae knows he will miss Luvena even more. So he relishes her smile, her gentle mocking. He takes it as if it were a gift that he would open and be reminded of, day in, day out.
He laughs low, “you managed them well. Young men with only fighting on their minds are… challenging. I am not surprised you feel that now is the time to go.” His lips curl themselves into a small, playful grin.
It does not last long, that smile. It slips from his lips as Luvena mentions his goddess and caring. “You are right.” He lies, for the monk has become so terribly good at lying (to his most grievous shame). Tenebrae agrees with her, he does, but not for himself. He does not know if he is worthy any longer, not since he trampled his vows like dust into the ground. Is he worthy of anything at all anymore?
Luvena may not be an empath like Elena, yet just like Boudika she sees a glint within his gaze. She knows something is strange, hidden within him. But the healer lets it pass, drifting away upon the river of his regret. He is grateful she does not ask, one day he might tell her all the ways his is an awful monk. By the gods he wishes he could now. But he knows what is to come and the truth will out then. Shame blooms tangled and knotted as weeds in his belly when he wonders what Luvena might think of him then.
“There is a peace here.” He says gently, thinking of how her past has clung to her, never letting her forget. What has become a place of respite for her, is a place so full of anguish for Tenebrae. “I will guide you from the mountains. Do you have everything you need? It is a long journey to travel alone.”
Swiftly the Disciple dismisses her last comment, “No!” Then laughs low, “I prefer you to visit when you are well. No more dalliances with death in the snow, Luvena. You can have a bed here that is not in the infirmary. Just send word, and i will meet you the next time.”
