I don’t know that I’m made for company.
I treasured my friends. Not just them but acquaintances too... Actually even complete strangers I cherished, supported. I only wanted the best for everyone, but only from afar.
I always felt myself apart. And I know, I know I’m not, or if I am I have only myself to blame. When I was a child, I chose to stay behind when my entire family set sail. Why did I let them leave? I know I had reasons, but they all seem so far away, distant as stars…
Fire always made me particularly introspective, and the night of the fire festival, for all its boisterous energy, was no different. Nobody could explain to me the patterns it made as it burned, at least not in a way that satisfied me. I had heard many times, but did not believe, there was prophecy or promise to be found in the flames. I also did not believe the fire was a spirit, and thus of shape and form beyond true understanding. There was some secret there, some pattern of the otherwise-hidden universe laid bare in that flickering dance. I decided I would learn it someday, I would understand what could not be described.
When I turned from the light of the fire, it was with calm resolution. I liked dreaming, the bigger the better. I liked feeling like there was some direction to my life, some path guided by more than chance or chaos. With grace I made my way to the start of the race. I found my place and let my gaze rest, level and calm, on the meadow before me. It was shrouded in night and smoke, the fires spattered across it like strange constellations.
The mental distance between myself and others seemed a gift at times like these. It would give me an edge-- I did not waste my time with socialization, did not even glance to the horses immediately to my right and left. I did not do things in half measures; I was there to win.
@Official Dawn Account
