I think I might be scared of the world and the way it makes you feel afraid and how it gets in the way
There are bodies everywhere, brushing up against me, rushing past me. I have lost mom somewhere, in the crowd, and though Diana is here somewhere I have no idea where. We came to look for her and, now, it seems as though I am the lost one. I pick my way across the meadow, in-between the huge bonfires, my oversized double-pair of wings all but locked to my sides.
If Diana were here, she would probably be dancing, and running, like the other kids. Like the adults who are leaping over the fires. I wonder if she would be feeling my uncertainty or my fear, which I’m pretty sure is plain in my golden eyes—though they are reflecting the mesmerizing, multi-colored flames. I begin to recite the chemicals and compounds I know are making the colors as I walk.
Phosphorus makes blue-green, calcium makes orange, sodium makes yellow, potassium makes purple...
It calms me. I don’t realize that I’m whispering the words repeatedly under my breath like a mantra, my heart is so loud in my ears; my apprehension is so loud in my ears. The meadow is huge; it seems to stretch on forever, bonfires as far as the eye can see. I realize that I am never going to find my sister, let alone mom again. I should have stayed home.
The desert I know. The desert I understand.
The things I do not know, these places that are unfamiliar, are dangerous. So I creep, I tiptoe. I am cautious around every body, every flame. My tail practically drags across the ground, like an uncertain dog. Diana would liken me to Casper, probably. She often says he is too afraid of everything. I am braver with her next to me.
My pulse is racing. My ears are ringing with the sounds of laughter and conversations I can’t make out. My chest is too-tight and I hitch in a hard to take breath. I don’t stop whispering, because if I stop whispering I might get lost completely. “Phosphorus makes blue-green, calcium makes orange, sodium…”
If Diana were here, she would probably be dancing, and running, like the other kids. Like the adults who are leaping over the fires. I wonder if she would be feeling my uncertainty or my fear, which I’m pretty sure is plain in my golden eyes—though they are reflecting the mesmerizing, multi-colored flames. I begin to recite the chemicals and compounds I know are making the colors as I walk.
Phosphorus makes blue-green, calcium makes orange, sodium makes yellow, potassium makes purple...
It calms me. I don’t realize that I’m whispering the words repeatedly under my breath like a mantra, my heart is so loud in my ears; my apprehension is so loud in my ears. The meadow is huge; it seems to stretch on forever, bonfires as far as the eye can see. I realize that I am never going to find my sister, let alone mom again. I should have stayed home.
The desert I know. The desert I understand.
The things I do not know, these places that are unfamiliar, are dangerous. So I creep, I tiptoe. I am cautious around every body, every flame. My tail practically drags across the ground, like an uncertain dog. Diana would liken me to Casper, probably. She often says he is too afraid of everything. I am braver with her next to me.
My pulse is racing. My ears are ringing with the sounds of laughter and conversations I can’t make out. My chest is too-tight and I hitch in a hard to take breath. I don’t stop whispering, because if I stop whispering I might get lost completely. “Phosphorus makes blue-green, calcium makes orange, sodium…”
![[Image: 27092483_OXKc9V3WJVpPTMw.png]](https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/27092483_OXKc9V3WJVpPTMw.png)
we start with stars in our eyes
we start believing that we belong
we start believing that we belong
