[P] I am in love with my sadness [date]

[Elena]

Elena.

When she thinks of her name she thinks of everyone else who has spoken it. How they have spoken it. In hunger, in love, in anger, in frustration, in adoration. She thinks about the first time they have spoken it, and the last time.

She thinks there will be a last time when she says her name, and the thought is neither terrifying nor comforting.

Elena laughs with the words of advice the girl offers. “I have learned that secrets have a way of getting out one way or another, no matter how much you keep them guarded,” she says, admits, before she even realizes what it is that she is saying. Secrets have a way of getting out—she swallows the terror that builds in her throat, blue eyes darting away if just for a moment.

The physical contact, it flares against Elena like hot coals and she quickly pulls away, the discomfort in the girl was more than normal and she watches the girl carefully, curious about the distress she caused her. “Are you okay?” Elena asks her delicately.

“It was never meant to be, it just took some time for me to realize it,” she admits. Never meant to be up to a certain point, because throughout all the regret and the sorrow, she can never feel any of that when she looks onto her daughter, when she sees those blue eyes and that heart upon her brow. “I am not alone at least,” she says and thinks of her daughter, of Nic, of Azrael. No, Elena’s life is full, full, full.

She laughs then (it feels nice to laugh with a new friend). She reaches out to touch her and Elena gladly stills, leans into it, is grateful for such a connection. “Good stories can be so difficult to find, I have been hunting high and low for stories to tell my daughter,” she says. Yes, her baby girl, who reads the words the paints and the pictures, who listens and bring tales to life of what Elena tells her. “Do you have any I may share with her?”

And then she asks.
How is she fairing?

There are a lot of answers that she can give, but she offers none that first come to mind. The blonde thinks for a moment. “I am doing what I can, my daughter and my ward keep me busy enough, they are both full of bright ideas and games to play, it is never quiet,” she laughs. No, just the other night when it was too cold to emerge from the tiny cottage they shared, they sat around a fire and made make believe stories, acting different parts and laughing all the while. Elli asked questions, Nic asked more. “And yourself? I cant help but feel there is…an uneasiness in you today, if I may be so bold to ask you.”

picture by cannon <3
@Sereia