“Give.” Slam. “Me.” Slam “An answer!” Slam, crack, and an echo that breaks the air that has returned nothing to the screaming woman. She doesn’t know how long she’s been slamming her hooves into the rock in front of her, demanding an answer from the statue next to the rock. Io has prayed to Atara - truly prayed for the first time in years - she’s prayed to Acrux, to Hemanta, to every Deity that she had ever followed so far. And now she was here in the mountains where the citizens of Novus worshipped their Gods. She had originally prayed to each statue, hoping that one of them would answer until, finally, she was here, beating the shit out of a rock until it’d cracked, and screaming.
Io’s panting as she stares at the rock she’s cracked, rage still boiling up inside of her. “All. I want. Is a fucking answer. I don’t care who it comes from.” Raising a hoof she slams it down again, the rock now too small for both hooves, with a loud snort, and the narrowing of her golden eyes. “What happened to me? How do I fix all of this?” Closing her eyes, she inhales deeply to calm the emotions in her, to soothe the ever-burning anger. “Why am I always so angry? When did I get like this, when did I stop feeling anything other than this? I don’t want to be full of rage and pain anymore so tell me, tell me how to fix this. How can I fix me?” Tears have started to well up in her eyes, threatening to fall until she lifts her head up to the sky, blinks them away, and sighs heavily. “Is this some kind of terrible curse? Does the world truly hate me this much?”
She’s so tired, tired of anger, tired of being tired, tired of always screaming and crying, she’s tired of it all. Luvena had been like gasoline poured on a dying fire, igniting it into sudden and violent flames. Io wasn’t angry at Luvena, no she could never be angry at her, but she was angry at herself. Angry that she’d always been refusing to face her problems, refusing to face herself until she was forced into it. Her sister had been the one to hold up the mirror. Even more so she was angry that she'd lost herself along the way by simply shutting herself up and away from the world; she'd put pieces of herself that had chipped off high up on a shelf where she could pretend they weren't there if she pushed them back against a wall.
When was the last time she'd thought about Vander, about Andante, Ezera, any of them? Was it Totem? Maybe it was when she'd seen Oberon? She couldn't remember. Hell she couldn't even remember her age anymore, not after all the times the Gods had decided to ''gift'' her immortality. At this point Io is pretty sure she's around 15, maybe even 16? The golden eyed woman doesn't think of it much, she doesn't want to focus on that. All she knows is that she can feel the weight of her age pulling down on her bones, on both her soul and heart that had slowly been infected; left to rot slowly as she ignored it. Io doesn't like having to acknowledge that something dark has bloomed up in her after so many years but oh god it's there, it's there thriving while she ignores it all. There's a thought that slowly seeps into her mind, nestles itself into the grooves of her brain to whisper poisonous sweet nothings to her. How lost am I? As the thought makes itself at home she slams her hoof into the rock one more time before turning away from it. "You're all like the rest: just pretty little lies we tell ourselves to feel better." Walking down the path her curled ears are tipped back, fighting away tears that threaten to spill over thick lashes. All she had wanted was an answer from a God, just once she wanted an answer. The only one she'd ever gotten was from Acrux and she's sure that she's disappointed even him.
Stopping in her steps Io takes a step closer to the edges of the path, peering over it with a passing thought of how far was the drop? Were there rocks down there? And if so how many, how sharp? How much damage had this path caused? In all those thoughts one sticks out: If I tumbled over where would I go? Into the skies with Acrux again or would I get dragged down by Gwathren or even Fuin? Where do I belong in death now? An even more poisonous thought sinks into her, causing her ears to flatten against her skull and her eyes to clench closed. And who would care besides Gaston? I have no one anymore except him. Io pushes those thoughts down, expels them from her brain to return to the path. Which path she's metaphorically on she doesn't know but she'll just focus on this one for right now. Focusing on this, letting herself rot up, everything she's doing is better than crying again. Better than thinking about the past, than mourning, than feeling the guilt pull at her. Yes, yes it's better to focus on the uncertain path in front of her isn't it? At least right now when others are awake, she'll try again tonight when the moon is out instead.
"Talk."
IO'S NATIVE LANGUAGE, HOVER OVER ME
Thoughts
Tags »
Voice » Liv Tyler as Arwen
OOC »
Roaming through this darkness I'm alive, but I'm alone
And part of me is fighting this but part of me is gone
