DIARMIUD vs ISRAFEL
@Diarmuid - Total: 78/100
@Israfel - Total: 81/100
- Attacks 45/55
- 22/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
- 1st post: Introductary post, and not judged. No offense or defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: I like that he meets her head-on, using his bigger body to body check her. It’s not the most creative of attacks, but the way you describe it helps pretty it up quite a bit!
- 3rd post: The rear directly following his dodge makes this a lot more interesting to read, as well as the war cry he gives (his first since the battle started!) I found this attack fun to read, it stays true to him imo.
- 23/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
- 1st post: Introductary post, and not judged. No offense or defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: Since he does have the greater weight, I can see this actually working to his advantage by shaking her up a bit. It flows pretty well.
- 3rd post: I love that he sits back and then rears up over top of her! It follows his block really well in my opinion, and seems like a good final attack when they’re already in such close proximity.
- 1st post: Introductary post, and not judged. No offense or defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- Blocks 22/30
- 13/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 3rd post: I find it kind of comical that he backs up and finds him nose-to-hoof with her kick lmao, I can just imagine him looking down the bridge of his nose and seeing her hooves fly past his face. It was fun to read! Even though all he did was back up, I was interested and enjoyed the knee jerk reactions.
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 9/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 3rd post: I’m not so sure about the realism, I’m having a bit of a hard time understanding how he could move backwards fast enough to block her kick if he saw it coming after she turned, and earlier he wasn’t able to block her from moving away from him earlier. Either way, backing up to avoid the kick does seem realistic!
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 13/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- Writing Metrics 11/15
- 4/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- 1st post: I love how much insight we get into him, how he’s going back to his roots of battle. Seeing as it’s a pretty standard introductory/waiting post, I like how you spruced it up by providing the internal dialogue.
- 2nd post: I love that he is paying attention to her horn and her agility and how that influences his attack; he’s analyzing her like a real warrior might. It gives a really good insight into him and his experience as a fighter that I enjoy.
- 3rd post: He’s so focused on her and I love it, how he’s watching her moves and reacting entirely to her.
- 1st post: I love how much insight we get into him, how he’s going back to his roots of battle. Seeing as it’s a pretty standard introductory/waiting post, I like how you spruced it up by providing the internal dialogue.
- 3.5/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
- 1st post: N/A
- 2nd post: He stays true to his 10 Health and 10 Attack, seems to maintain a good balance.
- 3rd post: I find it just a little hard to imagine he was able to back up in time to avoid her attack, considering he couldn’t block her from getting away from him just a paragraph before, but I do like that he rears up over top of her! That, especially after him sliding backwards, definitely seems to work~ Also feel like his injury and the way you played it, as well as the ending to the battle, was definitely realistic.
- 1st post: N/A
- 3.5/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
- 1st post: The writing seemed a little choppy here at the beginning of the battle, with simple sentences and few transitions, and made it a bit harder to really get the feel of it. A few grammatical mistakes—a missing period, “for” vs “from” in the 8th paragraph, switches a bit between past and present tense throughout. Overall gives a good feel for why he’s there, and I like seeing the transition in his thinking and how he views his role!
- 2nd post: Switches between tenses, but definitely not distractingly so. I believe in the second paragraph you mean “lips”, not “leaps”? Couple other weird spelling bluffs or weird wording that had me rereading it towards the end.
- 3rd post: A bit of the word choices at the beginning threw me off (pylons? pendant?) but I think your writing really picked up in this post once you had so much to reply to! Again the switching tenses, but not too many grammatical or spelling errors that I could find.
- 1st post: The writing seemed a little choppy here at the beginning of the battle, with simple sentences and few transitions, and made it a bit harder to really get the feel of it. A few grammatical mistakes—a missing period, “for” vs “from” in the 8th paragraph, switches a bit between past and present tense throughout. Overall gives a good feel for why he’s there, and I like seeing the transition in his thinking and how he views his role!
- 4/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
@Israfel - Total: 81/100
- Attacks 48/55
- 27/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
- 1st post: Pretty standard rush, but I do like that you included her wings in there, since she stayed on the ground! Though I do wonder about her starting off so fast only to need to slow down once she gets to him.
- 2nd post: Again kind of a plain attack in and of itself, but your writing gives it a facelift. I like that she turns outward from his bite and kicks at him (while hoping to avoid any kick he might give), and that you aimed at the shoulder she’d already bitten!
- 3rd post: No offense or defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 21/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
- 1st post: For the most part I can envision this actually playing out in my mind
- 2nd post: I like the way you handled this attack, and that you thought to exploit his bitten shoulder.
- 3rd post: No offense or defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 1st post: For the most part I can envision this actually playing out in my mind
- Blocks 20/30
- 11/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 3rd post: I like that she used her wings without actually flying away, like she’d promised him earlier!
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 9/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 2nd post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 3rd post: I imagine a move like that with her wings would bring her up (and thus closer to his attack) rather than to the right, to dodge it? I do like that she wasn’t able to block him entirely, since she saw his attack coming a little late.
- 1st post: No defense in this post, per the standard. Does not count against score.
- 11/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- Writing Metrics 13/15
- 5/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
- 1st post: I love the feel we get for her in the first post, there’s so much attention to detail in her taking in the plains, the scenery, the surrounding lands, and her assessment of Diarmuid.
- 2nd post: Ahh and I thought the last post gave insight on her! Those first few paragraphs are such a perfect lead in for her attack, like I understand her place on the battlefield here.
- 3rd post: The ending to this battle was just perfect, with her trembling a bit from the exertion and fatigue and adrenaline, before turning to face him as a fellow soldier. I really like their interaction here at the end (and her noticing the chunk missing from her mane made me smile).
- 1st post: I love the feel we get for her in the first post, there’s so much attention to detail in her taking in the plains, the scenery, the surrounding lands, and her assessment of Diarmuid.
- 4/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
- 1st post: I like that her attack was a little more bland because she does have a lower stat for that, a simple charge would be accurate!
- 2nd post: I like the detail even in her simple bite, it really pulls the whole thing together for me. The collision too makes sense, seeing as his bigger size would shake her up quite a bit, not giving her time to even try to block, and I think you played true to her stats here!
- 3rd post: I always love reading about character’s missed attacks and their reaction to it! It really seemed to fit her and her spirit, and I enjoyed it. In addition, the way his hooves scraped her flank as he reared over her was a nice touch, and her scrambling out of his way like that would create more of a glancing blow like you described than anything substantial.
- 1st post: I like that her attack was a little more bland because she does have a lower stat for that, a simple charge would be accurate!
- 4/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
- 1st post: I like your balance between her observations of the surroundings and her internal dialogue, it helps to set the stage not only physically, but provide a nice insight to her character. A bit of a strange mix between fragments and run-on sentences. The language use does get a little repetitive in the 6th paragraph and on, but few spelling mistakes that I could spot.
- 2nd post: It seems like your writing style pulled together here, and it really drew me in. A few more run-on sentences, but otherwise good! It was all pretty easy to read and understand what she was doing.
- 3rd post: A few spelling bluffs (such as muscled when you mean muscles, as in his muscles), a bit of switching past and present tense, but overall it flowed pretty well.
- 1st post: I like your balance between her observations of the surroundings and her internal dialogue, it helps to set the stage not only physically, but provide a nice insight to her character. A bit of a strange mix between fragments and run-on sentences. The language use does get a little repetitive in the 6th paragraph and on, but few spelling mistakes that I could spot.
- 5/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
