TORSTEIN vs AION
@Torstein - Total: 76/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 20/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@AION - Total: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
CLOSING REMARKS:
Guys this was a close battle! You both had one more creative attack, similar amounts of metric errors, and your balance of realism was fairly even. Like I said, this was so close. I was worried my math would put these at a tie! You both did a good job of describing your and each other’s characters size differences. I would have liked to see Tor’s magical ability at little bit more. Their verbal sparring was the icing on top. Thanks for a good read!
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 20/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I enjoyed his entrance, especially the bit about his hooves being larger than the holes in the arena! Not a big fan of “came the” twice in a row when he speaks, but that’s my pickiness.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Similar to the offensive, standard in creativity, though I appreciated the good description. Pulling his leg away makes perfect sense, and it made sense that it would rip the skin as a result.
- Offensive: Not much creativity, but such is the world of realism, which was great! Logical that Tor would kick out at Aion, just like Aion predicted!
- Mechanics: improper semicolon usage; “purchase” not “perch”; “have drew”?!; “furthest” not farthest.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: (block) I really liked Tor’s take on Aion’s attack, the whole “bull in the china shop” deal. The creativity of the block was average but again, the writing surrounding it was enjoyable to read! I see him jumping more sideways than front, but with his next attack in mind, I see this as realistic prep.
- Offensive: I really enjoyed how Tor uses his horns instead of just his teeth! Also, that he’s hoping to scrape instead of puncture is an interesting twist.
- Mechanics: improper semicolon usage; improper hyphen usage; again, “purchase” not “perch”; along with the purchase bit, you’d want to say “on nothing” not “in nothing”.
- FOURTH POST (closing)
- I love their sly, sassy exchange, and Tor’s unspoken respect!
- Mechanics: “skid”, not “skin”; 3 sentences separated by commas and no conjunctions?!
@AION - Total: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: Going for the hocks with the teeth is definitely different, but I can’t imagine that it would be very realistic. Additionally it was hard for me to understand that as your attack with your writing. Although the jaw strength of a horse is quite impressive, I can’t imagine Aion being able to pull Torstein’s leg out from underneath him. Also thought “body dragging low to the ground” was a strange phrase to use, considering that horses don’t move like that. I might have been more specific toward the neck/head to indicate the slinking motion.
- Mechanics: “with every pulse” not “by every pulse”; improper hyphen use; “into” should be “in to”; improper colon use.
- Note: “Before the sentence finished” confused me, considering what he said was a complete sentence!
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Very much enjoyed the writing and twisting to escape. It was great imagery and fit with the slinking you presented earlier! I think it might have taken him a bit longer to catch his breath, but the way that he took the attack was realistic.
- Offensive: I enjoyed the reference to Tor’s chest cavity, especially since that’s really such a big part of Tor’s appearance. Your description of Aion being “loosed like an arrow” was really pleasing, too! The head-on attack was fairly realistic; wild horses tend to go straight for each other!
- Mechanics: improper semicolon usage (x2), switching between past and present tense.
- Defensive: Very much enjoyed the writing and twisting to escape. It was great imagery and fit with the slinking you presented earlier! I think it might have taken him a bit longer to catch his breath, but the way that he took the attack was realistic.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Not wildly creative, but the description helped make up for that. I was worried at first when you said his body followed his head, since turning the head to one side often moves the horse’s body away from that turn. That being said, you had Tor’s horns catch Aion’s croup perpendicularly, which cinched it for me on staying realistic. Well done!
- Mechanics: just a capitalization error!
- Note: Loved the jabs and description of emotions. Your description of the injured leg makes me wonder if he got kicked in the leg or the ribcage behind his shoulder?
- Defensive: Not wildly creative, but the description helped make up for that. I was worried at first when you said his body followed his head, since turning the head to one side often moves the horse’s body away from that turn. That being said, you had Tor’s horns catch Aion’s croup perpendicularly, which cinched it for me on staying realistic. Well done!
CLOSING REMARKS:
Guys this was a close battle! You both had one more creative attack, similar amounts of metric errors, and your balance of realism was fairly even. Like I said, this was so close. I was worried my math would put these at a tie! You both did a good job of describing your and each other’s characters size differences. I would have liked to see Tor’s magical ability at little bit more. Their verbal sparring was the icing on top. Thanks for a good read!
