AION vs LIESEL
@AION - Total: 83/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 14/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 4/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@LIESEL - Total: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 27/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
CLOSING REMARKS:
Well done you two! This little spit between Aion and Liesel was fun to read and I'd love to see them butt heads again. I especially liked the wolf theme that you both contributed to throughout the thread. Your mechanics got way better with each post. That being said, I felt that there was more... content in the beginning. The further along you got, the more cut and dry I felt the fight was. Part of that was that I feel with the injuries they got, they both sort of.. ignored. "Ow it hurts but FIGHT ON!" I'd like to see a better reflection of how their wounds affect them. So try to keep those good mechanics and good feels/story throughout the whole thing! ^_^
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 14/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 4/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- Really liked the emotion and description of the results from his last battle, and what brings him back to the battlefield. Nitpicks: semi-colon/colon usage, (sentence fragments). You breathe in deeply but do you -exhale- deeply?
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: (block) Your defense as well made sense with an easy and straightforward evasion.
- Offensive: I loved this post! It was simple, but I loved his emotion and reaction to Liesel’s devious smile. Your attack was both realistic and I think with the tie in to the smile that he hates, creative as well! This post worked really well for me.
- Mechanics: Change of tense (echoed vs echo), in* not inn
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Again I really liked how you two are running with the “wolf” narration! Excellently done in reception of the attack and the way you described moving away from it as well, with the blood flowing down. I might have liked to see him react a little more to her bite, especially when he forcibly tears himself from her. I would have liked to see a concluding post where you could go in to how this affects him.
- Offensive: This read really well for me! It felt realistic and it has a nice creative touch to it, because so often we find our characters struggling to get away from the opponent. I liked how he stayed up close and personal.
- Mechanics: A bit of awkward wording.
@LIESEL - Total: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 27/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: I liked that she aimed for his lower legs to try and knock him off balance, which is definitely a different opening move from normal. That being said, I find the pivot to be rather awkward and unrealistic. It would make a lot more sense to me if she had slid to a halt and kicked out with her hind legs.
- Mechanics: Its*, oxford comma, “Winter”/winter, use comma instead of hyphen, father’s*, telekinesis*, “Sage”/sage, missing comma, (sentence fragments)
- Notes: I really enjoyed the lead up with a little description of her background and how she carries herself. It gives me a little opening into who she is. Felt like you overused “lithe”.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: Very logical response, aiming to get out of his way. I like that you included how her own attack made it more difficult to avoid his. Not sure I’d describe a scrape like that as a “bruised” feeling, though.
- Offensive: The close proximity of his ass and her mouth makes this a very logical attack. I like that she takes on the wolf-like attack of “sinking her teeth in”, since the wolf is something you’ve referenced throughout the thread.
- Mechanics: sage’s* not Sages
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: Simple yet effective dodge. Not much more to say.
- Mechanics: semicolon/colon
- Notes: “Ass and sass” - loved it! lol
CLOSING REMARKS:
Well done you two! This little spit between Aion and Liesel was fun to read and I'd love to see them butt heads again. I especially liked the wolf theme that you both contributed to throughout the thread. Your mechanics got way better with each post. That being said, I felt that there was more... content in the beginning. The further along you got, the more cut and dry I felt the fight was. Part of that was that I feel with the injuries they got, they both sort of.. ignored. "Ow it hurts but FIGHT ON!" I'd like to see a better reflection of how their wounds affect them. So try to keep those good mechanics and good feels/story throughout the whole thing! ^_^
