SOMNUS vs EULALIE
@Somnus - Total: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 11/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 40, Health 22, Attack 18, +barn owl bonded, + blood manipulation (bexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@eulalie - Total: 81/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 21/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 5/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 20, Health 11, Attack 9, +gryphon bonded
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 11/15, Realism: 12/15
WRITING: Creativity: 3/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 40, Health 22, Attack 18, +barn owl bonded, + blood manipulation (bexillum)
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I like how you elaborate on Somnus’ thoughts about the spar, and his feelings toward Eulalie, seeing as they’re newly married. I did notice a few grammatical mistakes here and there, but nothing too distracting. Overall, this introductory post had me excited to see in which direction the battle would go after Somnus’ rumination on their relationship (which is understandably an unusual one to explore in a battle setting).
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: No true block used. His realization that Eulalie wasn’t going all out made me laugh.
- Offensive: This was a unique attack, and I like how he finds a way to use his wings to his advantage without actually taking off. You mentioned earlier in this post that he would stay grounded and make no aerial attack; this was a creative way of not going in the air but still playing to his strengths. I do wonder if his extended wings would get in the way of staying so close to her, though.
- Mechanics: I noticed a few places where you repeated words in such close proximity that it distracted me from the content, since I found myself needing to go back and make sure I didn’t read the same line twice.
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: No true block used, despite having one left. Considering his analytical ways and the fact he saw the attack coming, I’m not sure why he decided against dodging it, nor do you offer any explanation. A dodge could have given him more room to aid in building momentum for his following attack, as well, but on the other hand, I will say it is consistent with his last defense, lol
- Offensive: A relatively simple attack, but it proves to be effective, and he doesn’t have many options available to him in such close proximity.
- Mechanics: Nothing that I noticed.
@eulalie - Total: 81/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 23/30, Realism: 21/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 12/15, Realism: 13/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 5/5, Mechanics: 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 20, Health 11, Attack 9, +gryphon bonded
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST
- Offensive: This attack confused me a bit in the actual technicalities of its motion. You say her hooves kicked up a dust cloud, but it is unclear if that is from contact with the ground from sliding, or if she kicks upwards to dislodge dirt from the ground. If the latter, I think it would be hard for her to kick out again with her hind legs immediately after. Some more detail would have been helpful for visualizing her attack, here. c’x
- Mechanics: A few simple slip-ups, as in “..the things happening in Novus might taken him from her,” and I found a few places in which I found myself caught up in the wording you chose.
- Notes: I like her coyness here, I think it fits her character and the situation well.
- SECOND POST
- Defensive: No true block used.
- Offensive: A creative attack, and clearly crafted with the care Eulalie would have in mind for Somnus. Not too complex, but effective.
- Mechanics: A few mistakes, that perhaps a once- or twice-over would have caught: “It is the only indication she needs that something is happen that she cannot see”, “the sting of where his teeth has bit down on her hip.”
- Notes: You say: “as though he were her earth, her home, and she the sun being pulled in by his gravity,” but you have it backwards, haha
- THIRD POST
- Defensive: I like how you describe the physical reaction to his attack; the pins and needles feeling is a great detail.
- Mechanics: Nothing stood out to me on this front.
- Notes: “She knows she will hit him before she does, and feels very little joy in her accomplishment. He is making himself too easy a target, and she doesn't know why, but she knows if this were a real fight he couldn't get away with simply taking every hit that is thrown at him.” I love this—it is very realistic and I’m glad you chose to include this. c: I also think you did an excellent job of staying true to her character, and the dialogue at the end was a sweet reflection of their relationship dynamic.
