It's taken awhile to reach the the oasis that lies in what I now call my homeland. I'm most definitely exhausted as fuck. I've been traveling for so long now (days? weeks?) that my body barely can function. Or at least, that's the feeling that overwhelms me. I'm sure my body could hold out a little longer if I asked it to, but let's not. I reach the lowest pool of the oasis, and stop at the edge. I stand there staring at my reflection beyond the ripples, my mind full of dust. I'm sure if you peeked inside you'd see tumbleweed passing by. I try to summon thought after a moment, but the gears are slow to move (creaking, rusty, needing oil). My knees bend, body crumpling to the ground, only softened by the depth of the sand around me.
I dip my nose into the water, and it seems to awaken thought within me. I have not found the relic - only a small red stone that I have kept with me since I was with Weir at the Dusk Court. Perhaps there is no relic, and it was all talk. Perhaps it is still out there, or maybe someone else found it. Either way, I am not in possession, and therefore cannot use it to barter with the Gods for them to bring Damaris to me. Tears threaten to break again on to my face, as they had when I first arrived in Novus. But they won't come - I'm too exhausted. The setting sun warms me, not to overheating, but enough to make me warm on the sand. A languished sigh slips out. I don't know what I can do but hope and wait. I lay my head down on the sand and close my eyes, hoping that a moment of rest will clear the sadness, clear the murky mire of thoughts, and bring some sort of relief to my exhausted mind, soul, body.
It's been so long since i've had a place to call home, that i've honestly lost track of all time. How had I grown up so quickly? I mean, I know time has something to do with it but.. When did I mature into this almost full grown mare? With a sigh I keep going, not really sure where I am other than it's called Novas. Making my way through all the sand reminded me so much of home. Yep, I am actually homesick for the place where I an just another one of the Sultan's daughters. Look at me now! I am a no one in a strange place and there isn't a single one of my family around to help me or stop me from doing something incredibly stupid. But since this place reminds me so much of home, I have decided to call it just that. This is my new home away from home, whatever this place is called. It will never be as awesome as Dragon's Throat, but it will do. For now.
It's as I get close to the oasis that I see him. That same stallion that I met with that awful rude mare. I start to head closer, even as he sinks to the ground. In fact that only made me pick up the pace until I was only a few yards away. "Rostislav?" I call gently, half wanting to make sure he is alright the other half not wanting to disturb him if he simply wants to be alone. After a couple moments I move forward until I reach the water's edge. It's the first time i've stood and looked at myself in a long time. I have to admit, I see now what Mama said about me looking like her Mama. My face markings are a bit different, but I have my Grandmama's eyes and strawberry roan coat. My white markings down my neck and across my rump are different too.
I feel myself relaxing and I think a snooze might be coming on, despite the sadness that penetrates deep within me. No better way to avoid your emotions, your 'real life problems' than by taking a nap. After all, when you're unconscious you can't be worrying about all the daily struggles. (Not entirely true, for such worries can visit in dreams, but it's more successful than staying awake.) Just as I think that I might start to drift, a voice calls my name, questioning. I exhale a sigh I didn't even realize I'd taken, and for a moment I hope that the stranger just goes away. I'm trying to rest, escape, and can't be bothered with conversation right now. But my curiosity gets the best of me, and I lift my head enough to look over my shoulder, seeing a young mare approach. I recognize her from the mountains as the youthful Victorina. I sit up a little, but stay lying on the ground. The sweet thing has been so polite that I feel no need to stand on ceremony or present myself as formidable stallion. No, her presence is peaceful and relaxing, and she seems kind enough to not mind me staying recumbent.
"Ah Victorina, it's just you." I smile at her reassuringly, for she seems wary of approaching me. "Come over, I was just resting. Quite a different place to see you, than the mountains." A chuckle escapes me, for what I say is perfectly true. Even though being in the oasis offers some relief from the heat, and the spring weather keeps the sun's rays more mild than blistering, it is still quite different from being at the peak of a mountain. I motion to the crystal clear water that I've previously dipped my nose into. "Have a drink, if you're parched." I watch the young roan for her reaction, wondering if she came to visit, just happened upon me, or if perhaps she has some sort of question to ask. She is completely unfamiliar to me, though I try to rack my brain for memories of her. She said she was from Helovia after all, so she must have known some of the poor souls I once knew. But I was gone for so long and she is so young, there can't possibly have been a crossing of our paths.
"Ah Victorina, it's just you. Just me? Was he hoping for someone else? Ah well. He's stuck with me for now at least. He smiles at me before speaking again. "Come over, I was just resting. Quite a different place to see you, than the mountains." I make my way over, still unsure how to act in a place where I have no family or friends to speak of really. In fact the only thing that bonds Rostislav here and I together is Helovia. "It is, but it's this place that reminds me so much of home so far..." Okay, my voice had the slightest hint of sadness that time. I really am trying to be positive about all this.
"Have a drink, if you're parched." Instead my green eyes just look down into the waters. I wasn't really thirsty, more lost in my own thoughts. But I lean on down and take a drink anyway. One, because I honestly am not sure the last time I stopped to rest and drink. But two, this place is in the middle of a freaking desert. I don't want to get overheated or anything.
When I left my head, I look over to Rostislav. "So uh, where did you call home when you were in Helovia?" Yeah, might as well cut to the chase. I really wanted to know more about the only other being here in Novas that seemed to know about my home.
Victorina seems a little bit timid around me, still! And yet I can't fathom why. Despite the pointy things that cover a couple parts of my body I'm actually quite soft and snuggly. I shrug mentally. It's not my problem if she's going to act like a delicate flower. I notice a hint of sadness as she speaks of home... clearly I am not the only one suffering from homesickness.
Though to be fair, it isn't homesickness that has me down. It isn't the Hidden Falls that I miss nor even Helovia! There are just certain characters in it that I wish perhaps had survived the destruction. Like Damaris, Kiara... I know Midas did not survive because I was around when he died. That was before 'the end'. And yet here is Victorina. The thought creeps through the recesses of my mind. If she made it, perhaps others have made it, too. I can't say for certain, and I'd have to admit that my mind is so riddled with doubt it looks like Swiss cheese.
I watch her lips part as they reach the surface of the water, her reflection distorting as her muzzle disturbs the stillness of the liquid. When her green eyes turn to meet my silver ones, I think that I see hope and longing in them. Beyond her simple question of where I'm from, she wants to know what connection we might have. Desperate for something to tie her to home, like a living memory of the place she can never return to. It makes me hesitate in my reply, not because I have to think of what to say but because I am filled with some unidentifiable emotion.
"The Hidden Falls, with Midas and Seele, for a time." My voice is soft and kind. "I left before you were born, I believe. I came back to find Helovia in ruins." Regret tinges my words, knowing the choices I made may have saved my life, but also may have left a rift between me and those I cared about. There's nothing I can do now to change the past, but that can't stop the feelings I feel.
WC: 361 Tag: @Victorina Comments: just an FYI that I did revert him to his original Helovia age, not the age he left at. When he left he would have been probably 8, I started him back in Novus as 6. Sorry that makes timelines wonky!
I have to admit my ears prick up big time at the words "Hidden Falls". The names Midas and Seele mean nothing to me. After all, the Hidden Falls wasn't even a herd by the time I had come along. I find words falling from my lips before i've really had time to think. "My mother was born in the Falls, right before a big invasion. But by the time she had me, Kaos had been causing enough problems that the Earth God abandoned the Falls. That's part of the reason she had me in the Dragon's Throat instead." Crap. Why am I spilling part of my damn family history to a complete stranger?
I mean, sure he kind of looks like what Mama had described as her papa... But who knows how many males out there could share some of the same looks that he did. There a part of me that wants to keep asking him questions about Helovia, but instead I fall silent for a while and think. I seem to be spending a ton of time thinking for one of my build. I'm build more like a warrior, but the mind of an intellectual.
I finally allow my knees to bend for the first time in a very long time, allowing my frame to sink to the sand. I have to admit, i've missed this feeling most. The sand will always be my home I think. It reminds me so much of the oasis of the Throat, which also happens to be the exact place I was born. My thoughts drift to my Papa, and my newborn siblings. Did they make it out? Did they make it somewhere safe and were looking for me? How far have I actually wandered from Helovia? Will they even be able to find me anymore?
Okay, i've got to stop thinking.... I think entirely way to much...
It would appear that my words have left her in as much confusion as her words leave me. I do remember an invasion of the Falls - by the World's Edge and Aurora Basin herds. It left a bitter taste in my mouth, because that was when Midas passed away, too. A lot of good horses were wounded or killed. It was around that time that my own daughter Vitani was born. Though of course at the time we didn't know that there was about to be an invasion. What a terrible moment to be born into! That part of Vitani's story stirs memories - but this 'Kaos' and news of the Earth God leaving the Falls! Not only is that blasphemy but definitely not something I have any knowledge of.
The young girl sinks to the sand beside me, and seems to immediately relax. I wonder if she is so tired on her feet, or if she really loves sand that much. It's not for me to know or decide. I reach a muzzle forward toward her shoulder intending to brush her shoulder with my lips, trying to offer her comfort, for she seemed quite distressed. "I don't know anything about this Kaos. But he sounds truly horrible to intimidate the Earth God to leave the Falls - and for the herd to disintegrate all together!" I shake my head in dismay. The idea is so foreign I can hardly imagine it, and it seems surreal. "However...." I hesitate, still trying to organize the memories in my mind, so they might make a readable scene. "I had a child around that time, too. A lovely daughter." A smile slips onto my face. I didn't know my daughter well - for I had not spent much time with her and her mother after the birth. It wasn't for lack of desire to, but just... being occupied elsewhere. They stayed away from trouble, and as one of two Legatus I was involved in a lot of war-related action. And then, of course, the invasion happened.... For whatever reason the memories are faded, perhaps I was trying to bar the pain and sadness. Soon after that, I left Helovia, grief-ridden and mourning. So much must have happened in my absence.
A sigh slips past now, and I realize I've been staring off into nowhere. I look back at Victorina, and suddenly begin to wonder... Vitani. Victorina. Could my daughter have grown and had a child while I was away? It was painful, to think that I'd missed that much of my family's lives. What had happened to Kiara? To Vitani? Who was this Victorina - really? Finally, after thinking about it for awhile, my voice finally reacts. "...was... your mother Vitani?"
He knows nothing of Kaos. This tells me for a fact he must of left Helovia long before the Gods had brought new lands from the rift. His muzzle brushes my shoulder, the first contact i've had with anyone since Helovia. It was nice, to feel like someone cared for a moment. I listen to his words before filling him in. "My Mama told me she stayed in the Falls after the invasion, looking for her parents. Each of the Gods, seemed to leave for a short time, returning with a new land from some place called the rift. But each land also had a god of its own.... A god that Helovians ended up killing. Those four gods, became... Well they became Kaos." I paused. "Mama said the Earth God left the herd, to better protect all of Helovia..... But all the Gods left in the end. They all, fell." The idea that the gods that had made Helovia, could fall....
But then he surprises me with a fact that caught my attention. He had a daughter, around the time of the invasion.... Could it be? Na, there is no way. We sit in silence for a while. It seemed we both were process everything. Could he be... No, no way. Mama had said there were other kids her age. Maybe one of them was his. But when he speaks again, my jaw drops open. My green eyes stare in shock. When I finally regain myself, I answer him. "My parents are Volterra the Indomitable and Vitani..." I paused for a moment before rushing on. "Was, was Vitani your daughter?" Are you, my Grandpa?
I listen to her explanation of this "Kaos." Would I have been able to prevent anything from happening that did? No. Without a doubt I would have been as powerless as the other citizens of Helovia. Could I have maybe encouraged some to leave before the end? Maybe. The beating muscle in my chest tenses just as the muscles in my hindquarters might tense before a leap. Realizing as she continues speaking that this filly might be my granddaughter makes it all that much more painful. But the look on Victorina's soft face tells me -- yes. The 'maybe', the 'could it possibly'... the answer is.. "Yes." I nearly choke on the one word. More emotion that I'm used to expressing welling up inside my throat. My heart pangs, my lungs ache. My nostrils burn and my throat is tight. For a moment I can't meet her emerald eyes, my own staring at the ground. Another moment later and I bring my gaze up. Speech is difficult, but I make it happen. "Vitani was my daughter. Her mother Kiara." I blink back what must be tears forming, and hope that I can avoid showing such weakness in front of this impressionable young thing. What would she think of me for leaving her mother and grandmother to die?
Suddenly I stand, disturbing the grass and sand around me, and I turn my bulky form away from her. "I.. I didn't know what was going to happen." My voice is deep, gravely, distorted by disbelief and pain and... I can't identify all the emotions, in fact no coherent thought at all is going through my mind. I am shamed to be in Victorina's presence. The next words are so soft they're barely audible. "I'm sorry." There's nothing that can be said to erase what I've done - what I HAVEN'T done. I can't beg her forgiveness nor even promise to atone for my sins of abandoning my family, for I cannot guarantee that somehow the same thing won't happen again. I have never claimed to know the future and have always found it wise to avoid doing so. What will she think of me? How can she even stand to look at me?
