Novus
Hello, Guest! Register

Judged  - 'cause the fire can't last and the winter's cold;

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)



Played by Offline Griffin [PM] Posts: 431 — Threads: 47
Signos: 2,258
Vagabond Citizen
Male [He/Him/His] // Immortal [Year 496 Winter] // 16 hh // Hth: 52 — Atk: 48 — Exp: 99 // Active Magic: Water Manipulation // Bonded: Cirrus (Pallas's Gull)
#1


Fight Type: BATTLE 
Prize: EXP
Contact Made: YES

Character #1: @Asterion
Bonded: NA
Magic: NA
Armor: NA
Weapons: NA

Character #2: @Raymond
Bonded: NA
Magic: NA
Armor: NA
Weapons: NA






Asterion
in sunshine and in shadow*


They are always strange, he thinks, the circumstances that see him at the Steppe.
 
First, that scuffle with Florentine, his sister and his queen. Oh, things had been easier then; they had still been children. Even the fight was a game, and he remembers the horror he felt when his hoof connected with the skin of her nose. Only a little blood, and laughter after, and the sun setting on them as they walked home together.
 
Now he feels old – old, but not grown. He feels no wiser than he had been then, but the ground had shifted beneath him, and he had to find his feet.
 
And then Calliope had returned. She was the same as he remembered, lion-hearted with her wicked blade, the last of her kind. Asterion has no name for the way his heart constricts when he looks at her, the way she makes him want to be a kind of more that always eludes him. With her had been Raymond, no less a weapon, no less a teacher.
 
It is Raymond he waits for now, muscles tense in the long light of a summer afternoon. Somewhere there is a bird trilling, and Asterion flicks his tail at a fly that dogs his flank. When he sees a flash of red he stills, and the bay stallion watches, neck slightly arched, as his opponent approaches. Most closely of all he watches the slow sway of the chestnut’s bladed tail, but when they are within speaking distance his dark gaze shifts to the stallion’s face.
 
He says nothing, but he smiles tightly, and then he nods.
 
It is time for a lesson, long overdue.  


@Raymond









Summary: Asterion muses on life, recent and less recent, and mutely greets Raymond on a summer afternoon

Attack Used:
Attack(s) Left: 2
Block Used:
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: NA

Response Deadline: 5/6/18
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#2

The last time Raymond saw Asterion, he had been an eager, frustrated young stallion, desperate to fill shoes that (at least in the red stallion's mind) might not fit hooves like his. He had offered what words he could, but the star-marked boy's path had been his own to walk. Meeting him now on opposite sides of an arena, he found himself studying the marks of that path etched into his muscles, the lines of his brow, the way he carried himself.

It seemed in the silence between them that little had changed.

It also seemed that little remained the same.

Raymond's tail lay in an easy arc. Asterion may have been an opponent, but he was no enemy to be insulted with a display of pointless menace. He seemed driven - ever in search of his best self - and that was a horse he could understand. Did the bay remember what he said about the child he found on the Grenton River? Would such a long memory help or hurt him in this brief exchange?

The copper stallion tilted his blade in the barest semblance of a habitual salute as Asterion nodded, but his mind wandered to Ruth. That wave would have signaled for her to leave him in search of safer ground. She was - had been - undeniably fierce, but so much spirit poured into the mold of such a little cat posed only a liability in battle.

In the end, that caution hadn't mattered.

With a heavy exhale, Raymond stalked into motion, circling until the afternoon sun was at his back. Asterion was taller and more massive than he was despite their similarly lithe builds, but Raymond had the advantage of reach and a far more worrisome handshake. And while Raymond didn't have to think hard about which of the two had more experience, he would have died years ago had he ever stooped so low as to think that would tip the scales in his favor. The edge, then, would be determined by adaptation and split-second strategy.

With the sun at his back and but a few horselengths separating them, Raymond sprang into action. He lunged toward Asterion at a slight angle, tilting a bit toward Asterion's rear as he brought his hindquarters to bear with tail blade arced high and poised to strike at Asterion's face.

But Raymond had no intention of giving Asterion a new facial scar to write home about. While bringing his tail blade to bear, the red stallion shifted his weight to his outside legs and lifted his inside foreleg to rake down the bay's lower hind leg. Ideally, the feint would have...inspired Asterion to plant his rear hooves and pivot his front end away, leaving the hind legs vulnerable to attack. Even a glancing blow might help rein in the power or speed of Asterion's actions moving forward.

That is, of course, assuming Asterion reacted the way Raymond expected.



Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns
when the man comes around








Summary: Raymond charged Asterion with the sun at his back. Feinting a strike at Asterion's face with his tail blade, he actually aimed an attack at Asterion's lower hind leg with his near front hoof hoping that the feint would have caused Asterion to plant his hind feet in an effort to turn away from his blade.

Attack Used: 1
Attack(s) Left: 1
Block Used: 0
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 05/03/2018
Tags: @Asterion, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by Offline Griffin [PM] Posts: 431 — Threads: 47
Signos: 2,258
Vagabond Citizen
Male [He/Him/His] // Immortal [Year 496 Winter] // 16 hh // Hth: 52 — Atk: 48 — Exp: 99 // Active Magic: Water Manipulation // Bonded: Cirrus (Pallas's Gull)
#3

Asterion
in sunshine and in shadow*


Asterion remembers the story. But he is no half-dead orphan, hiding in a bramble patch, and none of them are innocent, here. The currency of Novus seems to him to be strength – who is willing to pay, and how much.

He is not ready to open such a debt, and so he must be ready. That is why he stands, unmoved by the breeze, unmoved by the summer sun, intent on the warrior stalking him now.

But Asterion is inexperienced, and more than that he is still, after all, just a horse. When he sees the chestnut cutting toward him (squinting a little against the afternoon sun) it is the tail he is most concerned about, and it is the tail he shies from, just as Raymond had anticipated he would.

They bay plants his hind legs, and pivots his forelegs, and snakes his head away from that glinting blade.

For his instinct he is repaid in blood: it wells, stinging, from his hock to his fetlock as the red’s hoof rakes him, and as he cries out he knows how lucky he is that Raymond is not an enemy.

It is the first time he has bled from another’s hand, but lessons are not meant to be easy.

It is instinct Asterion continues to follow next; like a rodeo mustang the bay’s forelegs find the earth and his hindquarters lift, shifting from movement to movement. There is little time for Raymond to have moved out of range with his own attack just ending, and his body shifted in: Asterion kicks out with both hind feet and hopes for impact. He would be glad of striking chest or face or forelegs, too, no matter that any impact on his injured leg will draw another gasp of pain.

As soon as his hooves touch ground again he grits his teeth and favors the leg, but he cannot avoid the pain for long. Wary of gopher-holes, aware of Raymond’s likely quickness and that his back leg might not take a rear, Asterion opts to stay put, his focus on shifting to keep the chestnut’s tail-blade as far from his face as he can.



@Raymond









Summary: Asterion acts as Raymond anticipates, shying from the tail blade and taking the blow to his hind leg (we'll say the right). As soon as he plants his front feet from the pivot he kicks out his back feet, looking to hit whatever's in range from Raymond. After, favoring his injured leg, he tries to keep his hindquarters facing Raymond.

Attack Used:
Attack(s) Left: 1
Block Used:
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: NA

Response Deadline: 5/3/18
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#4

The currency of every civilization is strength, even when we don't want it to be. Kings and presidents may play at benevolence and the triumph of good will over base savagery, but at the end of the day any slobbering brute with a big enough stick can swoop in and set fire to the whole operation. Money talks, and strength has by far the highest exchange rate.

Raymond's feint worked as intended. In a proper battle, the red stallion would have supped heartily on the pleasure of that success, but once upon a time Asterion had hoped for something greater, so every action and reaction Raymond analyzed not merely as a tactician but also as a teacher. Perhaps the wounded limb might be lesson enough.

Perhaps not.

They would certainly see.

For now there was no time to write a syllabus. However inexperienced he might be, the bay had good instincts and rebounded quickly from the blow. Raymond was indeed in a poor position for avoiding such a quick turnaround and the momentum he had harnessed to strike at Asterion's hind leg was still drawing him a bit forward. He marked the bunching of the star-marked boy's hindquarters with little time or space to react.

Throwing his head back in an instinctive attempt to protect his face, Raymond rocked back on his hind legs and managed to pull himself halfway into a rear before Asterion's injured hind leg connected with the muscular plane of his chest just below the base of his neck. He grunted with the force of the blow; with their proximity and the last remnants of his own forward momentum, Asterion's buck didn't quite have the space to reach its full extension, and the energy still left to unload from those powerful haunches reverberated through the red stallion's flesh as it pushed him back, threatening to unbalance him. The tightness already seeping into his pectoral muscles promised some sore days to come.

It would certainly cause some real discomfort if he was looking to do some fancy footwork in the closing moments of battle.

But Asterion's action had already written the final chapter. Loath to swim against the current and unbalanced as he was by the bay's bucking blow, Raymond pivoted away on his hind legs in a movement that vaguely echoed Asterion's own first attempt at evasion. Harnessing that circular motion he swung his long tail in a sweeping arc - this time in earnest, the movement accentuated with an audible snarl - that would hopefully catch Asterion along his side as he was regrouping from his own attack.

At the last moment, he presented the flat of his blade rather than the wicked edge. This wasn't meant to be life or death, after all.

Raymond followed through once he fully regained his balance by moving forward away from Asterion, hoping to give the star boy something to chase even if that something happened to be a bit stiff-legged on the front end.



Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns
when the man comes around








Summary: Raymond attempted to rear up and turn away from Asterion's attack but is too close to Asterion to be able to avoid being bucked squarely in the chest. The impact pushed him a bit off-balance forcing him to finish pivoting away to regain his center. As he spun around he swung his tail blade in a horizontal-ish arc to slice Asterion's side, turning the blade at the last moment so he doesn't actually cut Asterion open if the attack manages to connect. Once the attack finished he attempted to disengage from Asterion by going in the opposite direction, trotting a bit stiffly because of his traumatized chest muscles.

Attack Used:
Attack(s) Left: 0
Block Used: 0
Block(s) Left:
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 05/05/2018
Tags: @Asterion, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by Offline Griffin [PM] Posts: 431 — Threads: 47
Signos: 2,258
Vagabond Citizen
Male [He/Him/His] // Immortal [Year 496 Winter] // 16 hh // Hth: 52 — Atk: 48 — Exp: 99 // Active Magic: Water Manipulation // Bonded: Cirrus (Pallas's Gull)
#5

Asterion
in sunshine and in shadow*


It does not matter how well-intended, how studious a student Asterion is; he is a novice and he makes a novice’s mistakes.

He is lucky his teacher is tolerant, if not kind – and he wonders if Calliope will be the same.

There was no time for satisfaction that his kick had landed well (or well enough; the twilit bay counts any strike on the older stallion as a success); like a whip Raymond’s tail comes swinging around, and Asterion thinks that it is a far more deadly thing than even the unicorn’s rapier-sharp horn. It is as quick as a snake, and like a snake striking the bay catches it only in his peripheral vision.

This time it is not a feint.

He has few options, and so he takes what scant opportunity he can: as Raymond pivots Asterion takes a stride forward the opposite direction, and so the flat of the blade catches him on the muscular curve of his haunch.

At first the impact it more surprising than painful, and Asterion squeals like a petulant boy being spanked. It stings too much for him to yet count himself lucky; he bares his teeth in a grimace as it burns wickedly. He knows, of course, that it could have been worse (that it could be his death, any time Raymond wanted it, wielding a weapon like that), but he is no longer in a grateful mood.

Certainly his mood darkens further when he realizes the predicament he’s put himself in – in keeping his head way from Raymond’s uniquely deadly tail, he has allowed them to travel in opposite directions.

There is little to be done about it now but continue to learn. And so he grits his teeth, blood stinging in the shallow scrapes along his back leg, and circles back toward his opponent. Here he is met with another predicament: there is no approach with Raymond that is safe, especially not from behind.

He can only hope the man will once again be kind enough not to mortally wound him.

He extends with all the grace of his thoroughbred bloodlines, and it is enough to catch up within a few strides. Asterion had circled wide enough to approach from an angle, wary of that flashing tail. When he cuts in he does his best to make it abrupt, and use his hand of height advantage to jar Raymond shoulder-to-shoulder, hoping to press him into stumbling.

It is not a particularly invigorating end to the session, but pain is singing sweetly along his skin, and sweat slicks his sides to a sheen, and it is a relief, after he is done, to come to a halt.

His smile is a little less tight, though his leg disagrees. Asterion blinks the sting of sweat from his dark eyes and wonders what, if anything, Raymond will offer him by way of criticism. Perhaps the smack on the ass was enough.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says at last, and takes a step toward home.




@Raymond









Summary: Asterion takes the flat of Raymond's tail-blade to his haunch and realizes they're going opposite directions and feels dumb. He turns, a wide-ish arc, and catches up to Raymond, approaching from an angle to avoid the tail and using his larger size to try to shoulder him into stumbling.  

Attack Used:
Attack(s) Left: 0
Block Used:
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: NA

Response Deadline: 5/6/18
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#6

Raymond never intended to outrun Asterion. It was hardly sportsmanlike, and of course in a real battle there would be nothing he'd love more than for an enemy to try charging straight up behind him. Instead he trotted in a stiff, collected semicircle, marking Asterion's progress as the star-marked stallion regrouped and approached for the final blow.

Again Asterion's instincts seemed good, if the baser of them had done him a disservice at the beginning of their encounter. He wisely chose to be wary of Raymond's hindquarters even when the red stallion wasn't preparing to attack, though it was more than a little tempting to remind him just how far the deadly blade could reach.

Perhaps some other time. The bay was coming for him and he was ready.

The trajectory itself was cause for puzzlement, as any number of attacks could be initiated from such an angle, but Raymond didn't have time to debate the likelihood of one target or another. His brain cried out only for the impending collision that their respective vectors promised. He reined in his reaction as long as he could - perhaps part of a second, but in bullet time it felt like an entire life-age - until the need to respond outweighed the desire to know for sure. If he waited to know what Asterion had planned, he would be learning it by virtue of victimhood. Better to expect him to try throwing his weight around.

At once committed, the copper stallion tucked his head down and away, pivoting mainly on his hindquarters to avoid stressing his bruised chest. Since Asterion had been approaching diagonally from the rear, it did not take much course correction to bring the two stallions parallel. Asterion ricocheted off the broad plane of his shoulder, but with both of them now in lockstep the contact required only minimal bracing to shrug off with no ill effects, and Raymond drifted out only a few inches as a result.

It was fortunate that Asterion had chosen to body check him. Raymond had been mostly blind in the defense, and had he tried at anything else - a planted hoof, perhaps, or his undefended ribs - Raymond would not even have an accurate shot with his blade in retaliation.

But the battle, then, was finished. Raymond drew to a halt, a thin film of sweat turning his flesh a rich dark bronze, and tipped his tail blade downward for a beat before allowing it to settle into its customary loose arc - a rendari gesture signifying a game well played. He huffed against the tightness building in his chest where Asterion had struck him.

I'm glad you're here, the star-marked boy said, and Raymond's smile was dark with the promise of a coming storm. The sky, of course (bright, clear, edging on now toward evening) took no notice; not all storms are weather.

"Excellent; but we'll talk about that blink reflex," he replied. Never had a statement made so chipperly sounded so threatening.

And with that, he turned with Asterion back toward Terrastella.


Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns
when the man comes around








Summary: Raymond circled around from his previous attack, and when he saw that Asterion was on a collision course with his shoulder pivoted far enough away to bring the two of them parallel. Asterion still brushed against his shoulder, but the contact was minimal due to the change in angle.

Attack Used: 0
Attack(s) Left: 0
Block Used: 1
Block(s) Left: 0
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 05/05/2018
Tags: @Asterion, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow, @Roo, @Arahvir










Played by [PM] Posts: N/A — Threads:
Lauren
Guest
#7

ASTERION vs RAYMOND


@AsterionTotal: 65/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 8/15, Realism 6/15
WRITING: Creativity 3/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 23, Health 10, Attack 10

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST (intro)
    • I like the flashback to his fight with Flora, though you maybe could have delved into that a little more. There was some awkward wording and grammar usage that, cleaned up, might have gotten me into your fight intro a little more.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: I like how you explain the reasoning of playing into Raymond's feint (fearing the blade). "It wells" --> indicate the blood as "it" for smoother reading. Could use more detail on severity (or lack thereof) of wound.
    • Offensive: Realistic attack except for attacking with injured leg? Not trying to move away from Raymond when it seems like the injury is a flesh wound seems extremely unrealistic. He's not trying to protect himself at all.
    • Mechanics: they/the*, listening actions with ", and" instead of just normal commas, "it" - ?, "shifting from movement to movement" awkward word choice
    • Notes: I would have said which story he remembers -- we know what Raymond was thinking but Asterion doesn't. Make it seem more like a coincidental thought.

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: Love the description of the petulant boy -- goes well with the teacher/student scene! Confused however on the damage he takes and how it is affecting him.
    • Offensive: I like the assessment of danger (Raymond's tail) and description of his breed/stature and how it plays into everything.
    • Mechanics: twilit/twilight*, it/is*, comma splice, change of tense mid-paragraph, "hand of height"?
    • Notes: Your description of his first wound makes me question again your decision to keep him unmoving in your first post. Overall nicely written but the damage taken in this thread leaves me confuzzled.







@RaymondTotal: 86/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 13/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST
    • Offensive: I love the feint! The cover of course is the most obvious attack. This definitely helps with creativity on this attack. Clever using the sun's assistance as well!
    • Mechanics: You had a lot of vague pronoun/antecedent usage throughout your post up until the attack itself. Make sure it's clear whether "he" is Asterion or Raymond!
    • Notes: I like the comparison between the two stallions throughout the post. ("Little has changed"/"little is the same" was interesting!) Very good examining their physical differences and what might determine the battle.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: Very good creativity and realism with taking that damage. Honestly, it was exactly what I was looking for and reflected a lot of what I was thinking when I read Asterion's post!
    • Offensive: Attack was logical and I like how you're accounting for the wound affecting his attack.
    • Mechanics: This post was infinitely smoother and clearer than your last. I really enjoyed it!

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: (Block) Flows well, enjoying the continued teacher perspective and description of stiffness, plus Raymond's anticipation and analyzing! That being said, I didn't see anywhere where you wrote Asterion brushed against Raymond. I only saw that in the summary! Even when you block make sure you get in all the details.
    • Mechanics: Sentence fragment, semicolon misused






CLOSING REMARKS:
Great fight guys! I know next to nothing about Asterion and definitely nothing about Raymond so this was a little insight into the two of them. I love their dynamic and you guys kept up the teacher/student theme extremely well through the thread. Overall Raymond was just a cleaner, smoother read. The biggest problem I had with Raymond's was in the first post with the pronoun shindig. Asterion I liked but it was really unclear to me the severity of his wounds and how he stood still after his first attack. So, this fight goes to Raymond for me. Again, good job!! :)











Played by Offline sid [PM] Posts: 59 — Threads: 4
Signos: 6,425
Administrator
#8

ASTERION vs RAYMOND


@AsterionTotal: 77/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 20/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 12/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 23, Health 10, Attack 10

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST (intro)
    • I love this intro post, and how it really gives me a feel for Asterion; not just how he is now, but how he has aged, and his remembering characters from past lives and past worlds and how he’s met them again here, the same people but very different than who they used to be. It’s the perfect sort of melancholic if you ask me. I would have liked to see a little more description on the setting, but the bit about the fly made me chuckle a bit and helped me get into the scene.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: Poor Asterion, he was set up just as Ray wanted him to lol, overall despite this not being a true block, it was a very realistic reaction.
    • Offensive: Again, a realistic attack and one that makes sense, especially if Ray is hoping to attack his hind legs. I like that he stays in place after the kick instead of running off, it plays true to his being worried about gopher holes or putting too much weight on his bleeding leg!
    • Mechanics: “shifting from movement to movement” reads strangely; it may be stylistic, but it doesn’t give much of an idea as to what is actually going on. A few misplaced words, like “they” when you meant “the”, or the “he would be glad of”, but they’re few and far between!
    • Notes: I’m not entirely sure what story Asterion is remembering, seeing as Raymond never actually spoke, so some clarification there would have been nice! Otherwise, I really like how well Asterion remained in character, and how his mood carried over into this post as well.

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: “Asterion squeals like a petulant boy being spanked” I love this so much, you have no idea. Also a realistic move, though I’m not sure how well he would have been able to see the tail coming if his back was turned? Your writing certainly dressed up a fairly plain dodge though, I really enjoyed reading this.
    • Offensive: I love the way he starts analyzing his attack, trying to find the best place to charge and the best way to do it. You can tell that he’s still learning, but is making an honest effort and I love it.
    • Mechanics: A few more minor typos, such as “it” instead of “is”, that a proofread may have caught (who am I to speak, I never proofread lol). A few switching tenses between sentences, or within sentences, that caught me off guard, but otherwise a well-written post.
    • Notes: All 3 posts you stayed true to Asterion’s nature and mood; the third one saw him shift a bit more from melancholic to studious, which I appreciated, but I appreciate how consistently you wrote him through this battle!







@RaymondTotal: 82/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 11/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST
    • Defensive: N/A
    • Offensive: I like that you included the sun’s position, and how Ray tried to work that to his advantage; it definitely gives a bit of a facelift to an otherwise plain attack in my opinion! I am confused as to whether Ray actually plans to strike him with his hoof? The lower leg seems a pretty fragile area for a friend to try attacking, but if his motive is simply to get Asterion to shuffle a bit it would take away from his careful positioning.
    • Mechanics: You’ve switched between present and past tense a bit, but it was nothing too distracting. In the first paragraph describing his attack/charge, your sentences became rather long and confusing, I think it may have been easier to read had you broken it up a bit!
    • Notes: I like how you reflected Asterion’s original post; Raymond is far less melancholic, but it provides a nice balance and insight into his character! I also really appreciated that you added how Ray hoped Asterion would respond to the attack; it gives me a better idea of what he’s actually trying to do and shows he has a plan.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: I like how well you described Ray taking the hit, both its positioning and how it feels, as well as the tightness he’s sure to feel in the coming days.
    • Offensive: I love that you included Ray’s blade, whenever a horse has a natural weapon like this I prefer to see it used rather than forgotten. At the same time, it makes total sense for him to turn the blade so that he strikes with the flat side, rather than the edge; it stays true to the intention of the battle, and it’s creative to boot!
    • Mechanics: I won’t lie, the first paragraph threw me off and didn’t seem to fit in overall. Another leading sentence or a transition would have been useful here, as it seemed a little OOC.
    • Notes: I like that you play into the teacher role for Ray; the quips about the syllabus and the tactical assessments brought him to life remarkably.

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: I like how seasoned he is here, like a well-oiled machine that knows exactly how to avoid Asterion’s novice attack. The turn is simple, but definitely stays true to Raymond, and you play it off like a true warrior who’s teaching a younger soldier. I love it.
    • Offensive: Not much offensive since you’re out of attacks, but the way Raymond watches him and calculates Asterion’s next attack is really nice to read.
    • Mechanics: Again some rather long sentences that might have been better reworded to read easier, but maybe I have a short attention span.
    • Notes: This last post felt harder to read, and a little less cohesive than your other posts; nonetheless, I appreciated that Raymond kept up his teacher-mode, and all those small quips were appreciated. c;







         






Played by Offline sid [PM] Posts: 59 — Threads: 4
Signos: 6,425
Administrator
#9

DICE ROLL

 
@Asterion:
142 (battle total) + 20 (HTH + ATK) = 162
162 * 1.23 (23 EXP) = 199 (rounded down)
 
@Raymond:
168 (battle total) + 20 (HTH + ATK) = 188
188 * 1.10 (10 EXP) = 207 (rounded up)
 
199 + 207 = 406
 
1-199 = ASTERION, 200-406 = RAYMOND
 
#1: 372 (RAYMOND)
#2: 309 (RAYMOND)
#3: 121 (ASTERION)
#4: 373 (RAYMOND)
#5: 355 (RAYMOND)
 
Proof of dice roll is in Novus Discord's "Contest" channel @ 6:06 PM EST on July 10th, 2018, or at this link.
@Raymond wins.

 
 

All damage taken in the thread is still applicable and cannot be retconned!
 


Participate in a Battle or Challenge: +1 EXP to Asterion, +1 EXP to Raymond
Win a Battle: +1 additional EXP to Raymond
Total: +1 EXP to Asterion, +2 EXP to Raymond
 
Asterion's and Raymond's official experience has been updated to reflect these changes, so there's no need to post in the Experience Updates thread! Also, an additional 300 Signos have been sent to each account due to the extended wait for the final judgement.
 
This thread is now locked and been archived.
 





         







Forum Jump: