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Judged  - Hellbent for leather

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Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#1

Fight Type: BATTLE
Prize: Nothing besides your standard exp/signos rewards
Contact Made: Yes

Character #1: @Raymond
Bonded: No
Magic: No
Armor: No
Weapons: No
Stats: 10 EXP | 8 HP | 12 ATK

Character #2: @Pavetta
Bonded: No
Magic: No
Armor: No
Weapons: No
Stats: 10 EXP | 7 HP | 13 ATK







Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crown
when the man comes around


It was two days' walk from the Dawn Court festival grounds to the steppes. Pavetta must have had time to sober up, but the red stallion had a hunch that even a 1-year sobriety chip would not have been sufficient to sway her decision. He wasn't worried about hurting her - if he'd ever had any misplaced notions of chauvinistic false chivalry, they had long since crumbled under Calliope's tempestuous gaze - but he wasn't quite ready to be accused of assault yet either.

Raymond chose an arena that would be as fair as possible for both of them. The ground was level and as clear of debris as one could reasonably hope, and they had arrived on the battlefiled sometime around mid-morning with the sun already well-advanced in a bright, cloudless sky. Summer was nearing its end, a fact felt more than seen as a vigorous breeze blew in from the east. The cool comfort of the late-summer morning promised dry heat later - but this would not take so long as that.

The red stallion stood now with his back to the wind, sunlight casting a bright coppery sheen across his hide. He had already limbered up for the fight and his bruised chest from the clash with Asterion had long since healed, leaving him hale and healthy for another bout. 

Tipping his head towards the grey-striped mare, he called out, "Are you certain of this?"

His voice rang of steely confidence and a stormy sort of calm.






Summary: It's a cool mid-morning with a strong breeze from the east (not like gusty/windy levels of strong), with clear skies overhead. The battlefield is relatively level and free of obstacles to the benefit of both characters involved. Raymond is standing facing west with the wind at his back, warmed up and ready for shenanigans, and hails Pavetta before the battle begins.

Attack Used: 0
Attack(s) Left: 2
Block Used: 0
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 06/05/2018
Tags: @Pavetta, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow








aut viam inveniam aut faciam





Played by Offline Pres [PM] Posts: 55 — Threads: 9
Signos: 0
Inactive Character
#2



p a v e t t a - - -

Perhaps Pavetta ought to reconsider her drinking habits.

Short of murdering someone, she was game for just about any “activities” when under the influence of whatever contents those sparkly goblets held. Acton, Raymond…the mysterious men she met at extravagant evening festivals was really starting to add up. But who’s counting? She was freshly widowed and eager to explore the wide world, the possibilities—to find who she might really be in Novus without the expectations of the past dragging her down into the deep.

And here she was, on the Steppes of battle, her blood just as hot without drink poisoning her veins. The green summer grazing on the way had rejuvenated her body and the two day walk made her feel conditioned and strong.

Did she question her judgement? Practically challenging a devil with a blade on his tail? Certainly. But her late husband had not admired her for her wise judgment; he had loved her fury, her wrath, the nature of an unpredictable storm in her heart. And so she cast out her judgement, her logic. Adrenaline, instinct, desire. Primal. Simple. Wild.

I’m certain.” She squared her shoulders, pawed the turf, noting the even ground, the sandy soil beneath her hooves. Slick. She would need to be careful, but how careful? Pavetta had never been one for caution or restraint. Already it was difficult for her to hold back, to plan. She merely wanted to rip and tear, desired the taste of metallic blood on her tongue for it had been too long since her last battle. She had been alone, in the swamp, a monster on her trail…

Survive.

Those are what her instincts told her, and that is what she had always done. This training session would be no different if she treated it as though she was back in that swamp in the Rift, alone, hunted…prey

But this time she would be the predator.

Pavetta charged with the wind in her face and sand spewing behind her hooves as she pounded against the earth towards her opponent. She did not plan, did not think, she could only act. She didn’t rate her speed; she flew. Foolish perhaps, but she couldn’t contain the storm in her lungs, the tornado in her hooves. Head arched and lowered slightly to her right, ears pinned flat against her skull, she fully intended to barrel into him, her left shoulder against his left. 

And then she remembered the blade on his tail and the range it might travel. At the last possible second—whimsical as the wind in her hair—she spooked right, stumbling slightly in the sandy footing, but sending her hindquarters and sharp cloven hooves flinging towards his ribs in a last second buck, a slash of pure elation, of euphoria—

I am free.

She may not look a warrior, or even battle like one, but she felt like one. 

a pearl in pigshit, a diamond on the finger of a rotting corpse,
creature in whom nothing, but nothing, remains of an elven woman ---






Summary: Pavetta confirms challenge and doesn’t waste any time getting down to business. She charges in a full out gallop, feigning to barrel into his left shoulder with hers before lunging right and swinging her hindquarters in a bucking kick towards Raymond’s ribs. :)

Attack Used: 1
Attack(s) Left: 1
Block Used:
Block(s) Left:
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 6/2
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow







ALL THE WAYS I GOT TO KNOW
YOUR PRETTY FACE AND ELECTRIC SOUL






Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#3

As expected, Pavetta wasn't interested in changing her mind. There was no world in which Raymond's reaction could be construed as surprise, or disappointment: he'd walked here for a fight and was rather short on mercy, and a five minute conversation with the striped mare was enough for even a particularly inattentive individual to see that she was too fearless and proud to change course once committed.

There would be a melee, then.

Fortuitously, Raymond and Pavetta were more or less evenly matched, neither one giving the advantage of height to the other and both built rather similarly. This would be an honest contest, and it began entirely without bravado. She charged headlong toward him with no heed given to the wind or even what she'd do with the red stallion once she reached him. Her boldness itself was cause for intrigue, though he didn't have nearly enough time to fully digest it as the mare barrelled pell-mell into the wind.

When it became clear she was on a collision course with his left shoulder, Raymond did what any horse in his position might have done. He shifted his weight back onto his haunches, pivoting around his hind feet to the right away from the charging horse aimed squarely for his left shoulder. Had a body slam been her intent, she may still have connected with his hindquarters as they supported the spin, but Pavetta braked instead to throw an explosive buck his way instead despite the potentially dangerous prospect of skidding to a stop in this dirt.

It reminded him somewhat of Asterion's move - the one that had done quite a number on his chest, but proved ineffective at deterring the true threat of facing Raymond in open combat.

Pavetta's hind legs rocketed out as he spun away, and her momentum carried her far enough that the pivot he'd executed to avoid getting body-slammed wasn't quite enough to also pull him out of reach of her hooves. The grey mare's left hind foot connected with and dragged hard at an angle along the meat of his left shoulder. A low, half-grunted whistle rushed out between his teeth.

However, a chain of events had already been set into motion. Raymond had not taken his eye off Pavetta when he turned and had seen her last-moment change of direction in the wide sweep of his peripheral vision. Even as he'd pivoted away, he had swept his bladed tail up and away in a wind-up arc. Now he released that pent-up energy, adding the momentum of his spin as he swung the blade back around in a diagonal arc, and aimed for the open expanse of her left side. Ribs, haunch, shoulder, leg - what part of her body ended up in the way of the blade's sweeping arc didn't particularly matter to him. If she was still stretched out or collecting herself from the buck, it would be difficult to react in time, and even more difficult to properly see his attack properly if she'd also put her head down for the attack.

He had turned the blade just enough that he hoped it would prevent serious injury if it connected, but he had not done her the same favor he had done Asterion in presenting its flat side. This was an exhibition, not a training match.

She'd wanted to know if his blade was useful for more than woodcarving; perhaps she would not enjoy the answer.

The red stallion followed through with his pivot and set himself down, favoring his left foreleg so he could test the integrity of the injured shoulder. As he kept turning to his right, making almost a full circle as he fought to keep a bead on Pavetta, he tested his weight on his left fore for a few ginger steps.

Yeah, it hurt, but nothing seemed broken.

But he had already taken his opportunity to retaliate in the window Pavetta's own attack had opened. There was no need to chase her on three good legs, and he had no intention of doing so. Having had to turn into the wind and having no desire to be molested by the elements as he faced the mare's next attack, he half-trotted and half-limped southeast to keep her on his uninjured right side and force her to charge into the wind yet again if she wanted to close with him.


Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns
when the man comes around




Summary: When he realizes Pavetta is going to body slam his left shoulder, he pulls up slightly onto his hind legs and pivots to his right to avoid it. Pavetta's last-moment direction change and buck connect with his left shoulder, causing some deep tissue damage in the muscle there. As he is pivoting away, he swings his tail in a downward arc from his right to his left, aiming for whatever along her left side is within reach. He finishes his rightward spin and then continues turning toward his right, favoring his left leg as he's unsure if it has been injured. He makes nearly a full circle and then strafes southeast, trying to keep the wind at his back to force Pavetta to move into it again if she wants to close with him. He does not give chase in order to save his leg.

Attack Used: 1
Attack(s) Left: 1
Block Used: 0
Block(s) Left: 1
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 06/04/2018
Tags: @Pavetta, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow








aut viam inveniam aut faciam





Played by Offline Pres [PM] Posts: 55 — Threads: 9
Signos: 0
Inactive Character
#4



p a v e t t a - - -

The contact felt good, really good.

It wasn’t a secret midnight caress, the tender touch of a lover that caused her heart to pound and blood to run hot. No, it was the rawness of violence, of aggression, the slash of her sharp cloven hoof contacting Raymond’s shoulder that brought Pavetta euphoric glee. She had missed this; the dust on her skin, the sweat rolling down her sides, the fire of adrenaline in her veins.

A high better than any drug, a buzz better than any drink.

But the blade came abruptly, violently, with all the force of a battle axe and cut her elation short. She had not seen it coming, had not been quick enough to collect herself after her strung out attack to maneuver into a suitable position to block such a violent onslaught. She could only shy away instinctively, collecting and arching away from the blur in her peripheral vision, the whistle of a honed blade cutting through the air.

She was quick, but not quick enough.

Pavetta felt the reality of the blade slashing her skin, cutting deep and true along her ribs and arcing down her left haunch. She smelled the blood, the metallic tang on her tongue before she felt the sting of flesh exposed to air. It was not deep as it might have been; for she strongly suspected he had pulled the blow. 

A lesson.

She hissed, pinning her ears, the whites of her eyes flashing bright. To any onlooker they might be confused, for her teeth were bared in a delighted, wolfish grin. Blood had splattered her muzzle, flecked her lips. She managed to keep her balance and hooves beneath her as she collected and loped away, tail flaring like a proud banner in the wind.

A white flag perhaps? No, not yet.

She pranced to a stop, facing him. Raymond was smart. He did not pursue, merely waited. Surely he hoped for another reckless episode from Pavetta. He looked a little roughed up, but mostly he seemed amused and unfazed. The blow had been precise, clean, and practiced. “So you do know how to use that thing after all,” she called to him, a playful taunt while she plotted her next move. She felt the wind in her face, the sand shifting and blowing beneath her hooves. She maneuvered so she might confront him square, face to face.

Blood stained to the sand. Drip, drip, drip.
The sound of labored breathing, the stench of sweat.  

After taking a few moments to steady her breathing, Pavetta charged once more. For all appearances, it seemed as though she was repeating her first attack: a reckless headlong assault into the wind towards his uninjured shoulder. Instead of feigning and slashing out with her hind hooves like before, she slid to a stop directly in front of him, sand and blood spewing forth. 

Her injured haunch screamed in resistance, but she ignored it and reared, head tucked to her chest protectively, staring down her glittering silver horn at him. I also have a blade to wield. Her cloven hooves pummeled dangerously through the air, lashing at his face, chest; any resistance she might meet she intended to bruise, batter, crush.

a pearl in pigshit, a diamond on the finger of a rotting corpse,
creature in whom nothing, but nothing, remains of an elven woman ---






Summary: Raymond's blade slashes her left side, ribs to haunches. She takes the blow and lopes away to reset and recover. The cut is deep and painful and hinders fluid movement. She taunts Raymond playfully while planning her attack, assessing her wound, and taking some air. She moves to face him square and then charges once more in an effort to imitate her previous attack. Instead of feigning and bucking out with her hind quarters, Pavetta slides to a stop last second and rears, head tucked so that her horn is angled protectively and her hooves slashing at Raymond's chest and face.

reason for edit: odeen politely reminded me that I need to make an attack! x)

Attack Used: 1
Attack(s) Left: 0
Block Used:
Block(s) Left:
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 6/6
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow







ALL THE WAYS I GOT TO KNOW
YOUR PRETTY FACE AND ELECTRIC SOUL






Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#5



Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crown
when the man comes around


His mentor, Agatha - a storm-grey mare with an even stormier bearing - told him once in his youth that wielding the blade was easy. Any moron can swing a sharp object and draw a little blood once in a while. But mastering the blade - choosing where to maim, when, and how severely - that was the trick. That was the art. Woodcarving with its precision and delicacy was a sore comparison to the inherently freeform nature of swordplay, but Agatha firmly believed that a bladefighter who could not confidently do one could not be trusted even practicing the other.

Thus it was that Pavetta was bleeding now from predominantly superficial wounds, and neither unharmed nor dying.

So you do know how to use that thing after all, the striped mare said as she turned to face him. Raymond responded by pulling up one corner of his mouth and flashing a brief lopsided smile for her benefit. He didn't need to gloat; he was not so insecure.

Fresh blood painted the air with the heavy scent of copper as a moment of deceptive stillness stretched between them. Raymond stood still presenting his uninjured right shoulder, unwilling to present an opening for her to take an advantage in attacking it a second time, and Pavetta faced him directly, fearless despite her own life's blood marking the passage of time with its steady drip, drip, drip onto the ground.

The moment passed.

Again Pavetta closed ground with a headlong charge, and certainly by now he could not doubt her heart. This time, though, she braked hard and pulled herself into a rear. Raymond had only as long as it took her to steady her momentup and rise up to evaluate his options.

Had his left shoulder been uninjured, he would simply have balked sideways or pushed off with his front legs and pivoted around his hindquarters to completely avoid her. Now, in order to do anything similar, he would have to pick up his left fore and plant his right, leaving it vulnerable if she decided to come straight down on him. Were he to obey his base instincts and rear up to meet her, he would still have to take whatever attack she intended full on the shoulder with no real opportunity to put weight and power behind a bladed counterattack.

All this flashed through his mind in the bare moment afforded him by Pavetta's maneuver. He committed to lifting both his forelegs and lunging sharply forward on his hind legs instead as though spooked by a predator from behind. He wanted to distance his front end from the strike zone rather than directly answer the mare's assault. However much longer remained of the battle, the red stallion did not intend to go home hampered by injuries to both sides of his front end.

That was an excellent way to go lame.

The power in his densely-coiled hindquarters was not quite enough to get him completely out of trouble, and when he came back down on his front end he compensated by landing predominantly on his uninjured right fore and angling his hindquarters in an arc away from Pavetta's slashing front hooves. He felt the churning air as she reached for him, but she couldn't make up the distance he had opened between them.

Raymond didn't rest on his laurels. Taking advantage of the circular momentum that swinging his hips had built up, he again wound up and released his wicked tail blade, this time swinging his tail in an arc aiming for the left-hand plane of her left shoulder, neck, or cheek. The angle wasn't ideal; with him turning around to her right side, he had to convert the natural flow of his tail's momentum to make that leftward arc, and if the blade connected it would not have the same brutal power as the first blow that had gone clear along her side. However, given the choice between an imperfect shot with the blade and a right-legged blow with no force behind it due to a lack of proper anchoring on his left side, he would choose the one that might leave a more lasting impression.

Following through with the horizontal tail swipe, the red stallion proceeded forward, passing Pavetta's hind end with an uneven gait before pulling up to look over his shoulder at his opponent. Regardless of the outcome, she had fought well and honestly. With a respectful tilt of his bloodied blade, the swordsman said, "the name's Raymond, by the way."






Summary: Raymond keeps his right side facing Pavetta to shield his injured left shoulder from exploitation. When Pavetta charges again and opts to rear up, Raymond spooks forward and angles his hindquarters away from her, favoring his injured left fore. The movement forward and out is enough to pull him out of range of Pavetta's rearing kicks and he follows through, angling in an arc toward Pavetta's right side and swinging his tail in a mirrored arc to try to cut somewhere along her left shoulder, neck, or cheek. Once the attack has concluded, he limps past her, stops to salute her with his blade, and introduces himself because they totally hadn't done that yet.

Attack Used: 1
Attack(s) Left: 0
Block Used: 1
Block(s) Left: 0
Item(s) Used: None

Response Deadline: 06/08/2018
Tags: @Pavetta, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow








aut viam inveniam aut faciam





Played by Offline Pres [PM] Posts: 55 — Threads: 9
Signos: 0
Inactive Character
#6



p a v e t t a - - -

She hit nothing; hooves slashing and slicing naught but air. Her blood churned, she felt foolish and denied the contact she desired. He launched forward and arced around, deftly avoid her cloven hooves. She was still on her haunches in a half-rear when the blade came. This time she was ready for that deadly extension; the edge gleamed in the sun as he swung it around in a smooth, practiced manner towards her face and neck.

Pavetta blocked the momentum of the sharp edge with her horn, tucking her nose towards her chest to meet the oncoming blade—the sound was like two swords clashing. That’s going to be a headache later, she thought wryly, somewhat stunned she didn’t feel the edge of the blade cutting into her face or neck. It had been a brazen, almost foolish move, but what else could she do?

She fell back to all fours, her legs quivering. Excitement or weariness. She didn’t know which. He saluted her and named himself as Raymond.  “Pavetta,” she introduced herself, somewhat breathlessly, with a foolish, elated grin. “What do you say we find a watering hole, Raymond? I can take a look at your shoulder and maybe I can coach you through stitching me up a bit.”

Her expression became shadowed, overcast, as if she’d remembered something unpleasant. And then she was back to reality and it was hard bone to swallow. She was not a warrior, no, just Pavetta, the healer of Dawn Court.

a pearl in pigshit, a diamond on the finger of a rotting corpse,
creature in whom nothing, but nothing, remains of an elven woman ---

art by the lovely sid





Summary: After Raymond moves out of reach of her front hooves, she uses her horn to block his oncoming tail while still in a half-rear. She then falls to all feet after the block, introduces herself, and suggests they go have a beer or two. 

Attack Used: 0
Attack(s) Left:0
Block Used:1
Block(s) Left:0
Item(s) Used:none

Response Deadline: all done
Tags: @Raymond, @kay, @sid, @inkbone, @Lauren, @Sparrow







ALL THE WAYS I GOT TO KNOW
YOUR PRETTY FACE AND ELECTRIC SOUL






Played by Offline Odeen [PM] Posts: 175 — Threads: 29
Signos: 1,315
Night Court Soldier
Male [He/Him/His] // 12 [Year 492 Winter] // 15 hh // Hth: 22 — Atk: 38 — Exp: 59 // Active Magic: Spell Warding // Bonded: Ruth (Tarrasque)
#7


Now that the battle-fog had lifted from between them, it was easy to slip back into the comfortable trappings of sociability with Pavetta. He was not like some to let the Wrath rob him of his senses, and where like method actors some horses might lose themselves in the glory of bloodshed and the need to destroy he could thoroughly take or leave it. Fighting was something he practiced because sometimes fighting was his only option; he preferred to avoid it where he could.

But he didn't mind a good test of wills.

He chuckled at the grey mare's response, noting but not remarking upon the dark microexpression that darted across her features. There was a time and place for everything, and here and now were for coming down off a fighter's high and forging the bonds of fellowship in the most timeless and time-honored fashion: with blood. The meat of his injured shoulder had already begun to fill slighty from the blow, and he favored it visibly as he turned a couple of steps to address her more directly.

"Come with me to Terrastella, then. I don't fancy the walk back to Delumine on this leg, or with you leaking everywhere."

With that he turned toward the borderlands marking the end of the Steppes and the edges of Tinea swamp, waving his tail like a banner to beckon her along.

Raymond.
and at his feet they'll cast their golden crowns
when the man comes around




Just a closing post, will pick up in a new thread in Tinea!







aut viam inveniam aut faciam





Played by [PM] Posts: N/A — Threads:
Lauren
Guest
#8

RAYMOND vs PAVETTA


@RaymondTotal: 79/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 25/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 5/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST (intro)
    • battlefiled (battlefield*), late-summer (late summer*)

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: I love how you took Pavetta’s attack. It’s very rare to see just *one* hoof connect with its target, even though I’m sure that happens all the time in reality! (My caution here is to watch how you word things so it doesn’t seem like you’re power playing.)
    • Offensive: I would be disappointed if you DIDN’T use Raymond’s tail in an attack, and the use of it here when Pavetta is moving away from him is well done. Also liked that you pointed out he’s using the sharp edge, rather than the flat side as in his previous battle.
    • Mechanics: A little bit of awkward wording where your sentences just got a little heavy.
    • Notes: Enjoying the observation of Raymond and Pavetta’s build/talent against each other. Also loved the little sass with the woodcarving comment.

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: (block) Definitely a different defense, but I like the reasoning behind it. That being said, I don’t feel like it is very realistic to have Raymond jump forward *and* be able to pivot his hind end away from Pavetta. I think for him to achieve this he would need more time than allowed by an imminent attack.
    • Offensive: I like that you address the bad angle for your attack. The way I’m picturing them placed in my head it would seem very difficult for him to reach her left side with his tail (especially since he is passing turning on her right side).
    • Mechanics: momentup (momentum*)
    • Notes: It’s great how he really thinks like a warrior! Lots of evaluating in such a short time.

  • FOURTH POST (closing, doesn’t count)
    • Some awkward wording. Also lol at the “leaking” comment!







@PavettaTotal: 69/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 18/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 11/15, Realism 6/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 3/5, Mechanics 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 7, Attack 13

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST
    • Offensive: I like that she really flung herself into the fight, and the way that she changes her mind when she realizes the danger of Raymond’s tail. (Yikes!) The attack itself isn’t wildly unique but the thought process behind it added a little something extra.
    • Mechanics: festivals was (were*), “on the Steppes of battle” —??, head arched and lowered (neck arched and head lowered*)
    • Notes: I didn’t really get a sense of “euphoria” throughout the post until you said it at the end.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: I’m having trouble seeing how well she can shy away, considering when his attack comes her legs are presumably still up in the air, or at least on their way down. I think I might have written it just a bit differently, namely describing a little more the transition from offense to defense. Though I like the idea of blood spatter on her muzzle, it doesn’t make sense with the angle of Raymond’s attack, as his blade would be moving away from her head. This definitely threw me off. I also do not understand how she has received a cut “deep and true” and yet she runs away from him delighted and, honestly, acting rather unharmed.
    • Offensive: I like the attack on the whole, but I feel like you missed the opportunity to use the sand/blood spraying as a way to blind him. You say it sprayed but there is no intention there. Also, you say “I have a blade to wield” then it’s her hooves intending to “bruise, batter, crush.” I like all the wording, it just doesn’t really go together.
    • Mechanics: Would have said “sprayed” rather than “spewing”
    • Notes:

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: (block) I’m just a little confused on how she caught his blade. I’m guessing she angled her horn so the blade and horn met each other, though I would have pictured the placement being more of his tail itself being the part to meet her horn. Also not very logical of a defense *because* of how much danger it would pose to her face.
    • Mechanics: avoid (avoiding*)
    • Notes: I like the banter as they introduce themselves!






CLOSING REMARKS: Overall a very smooth read. Nothing further to say really than what I wrote in the comments on each post. Glad to see a healer not afraid to get her hooves dirty ;)












Played by Offline sid [PM] Posts: 59 — Threads: 4
Signos: 6,425
Administrator
#9

RAYMOND vs PAVETTA


@RaymondTotal: 73/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 18/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 9/15, Realism 12/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 8, Attack 12

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST (intro)
    • Hello Raymond, nice to see you as calm, cool, and confident as always. A couple of small typos(like “battlefiled”, but a good intro post. I like that there’s background to it.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: I really love that you were realistic here, and that Ray didn’t see her change of plans until her change of plan occurred, and reacted based on that.
    • Offensive: I love seeing his tail blade come into play; and how multiple things are happening at once. It makes sense to both be reacting to her attack while also forming his own, it’s what horses in the wild do while fighting! I love his commentary throughout this.
    • Mechanics:
    • Notes: I really appreciate his taking a second to compare himself to Pavetta; it’s just as tactical and analytical as I would expect from him, and it draws me into his character more and more. I like his flashback’s to the recent attack with Asterion, as well!

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: I was a little confused by what he was trying to do, whether he was running into her or away, based on their positions, so I’m not entirely sure how realistic this would be. But incorporating his dodge and attack seamlessly gets bonus points from me.
    • Offensive: I had to go read the summary before I really understood what he was trying to do; I have a hard time seeing this play out in my mind, though the way he uses his body and tail is definitely creative.
    • Mechanics: A couple more typos (“momentup”) and a run-on sentence, but it all ties together pretty nicely.
    • Notes: I have to say, I love how much background you give; you bring in memories, and refer back to previous posts, and it really paints a story in my mind. I also love how calculating he is, it plays true to his history as a warrior to be able to analyze her in milliseconds. I would like to see him react more than plan in such short notices, but he’s staying true to his character and I can appreciate that! I also really like that you included a fourth post with his reaction to her dodge, and some additional commentary and dialogue. It’s a nice way to wrap up the battle. c:







@PavettaTotal: 84/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 14/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 10, Health 7, Attack 13

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST
    • Defensive: N/A
    • Offensive: Okay I really love this attack. I love how you set it up, I love how she switched plans last-second because of his tail. It’s reckless and reflects her impulsivity quite well. Including her slip on the sandy footing, I can see this playing out very well in my head, as well.
    • Mechanics: A few confusing sentences, but for the most part this read clean and easy and I can’t pinpoint specific errors.
    • Notes: Oh sweet Pavetta, seeing this more brutal and impulsive side of her is very nice. I especially love how you first talked about her being brash, and struggling to come up with a plan, then executed it nicely in her attack.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive: No true block used, but I enjoyed reading her reaction here, as well as the realism employed with her not having time to dodge, only to react to the blade.
    • Offensive: This attack may not have been creative, if it wasn’t for the way she described it. I like that she basically sets up the same attack she did before, but this time doesn’t waver and confronts him face to face. I’m not sure how well the horn would play out in such close contact, but I do like that she’s employing it!
    • Mechanics: Some tense switches between past and present, nothing too distracting, and no typos that I could see.
    • Notes: I love Pavetta’s commentary here, it’s almost like she’s rediscovering herself… which, as I recall, was a point made not only in the first post of this battle, but also a few other posts from her I’ve read, and I love that she’s experiencing a full on character arc! I also really appreciated that you took the entire post to detail her reaction and attack, rather than leaving it to a couple sentences and filling the rest up with fluff!

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive: Oml how dramatic, she blocks his tail blade with her horn and I love it, it’s like they’re crossing swords and is so much more creative than simply dodging or running away. I love that her block is just as reckless as her, it’s like she realizes in hindsight that it may not have been the smartest move, but hey if it works it works.
    • Offensive: N/A
    • Mechanics: A couple of strange wordings, I understand your intent but a few places may have been better rewritten. Such as in the second sentence, “she felt foolish and denied the contact”, it reads to me as if she’s the one denying him something, whereas in actuality she’s the one being denied her intended hit. If that makes sense? c; Also a few other weird mishaps, like “avoid” vs “avoided”, or the way “Excitement or weariness” is it’s own sentence, that make it a bit harder to read. However I still like the flow overall.
    • Notes: Her reaction to missing him is A+. That is all.







         






Played by Offline sid [PM] Posts: 59 — Threads: 4
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#10

DICE ROLL

 
@Raymond:
152 (battle total) + 20 (HTH + ATK) = 172
172 * 1.10 (10 EXP) = 189 (rounded down)
 
@Pavetta:
153 (battle total) + 20 (HTH + ATK) = 173
173 * 1.10 (10 EXP) = 190 (rounded down)
 
189 + 190 = 379
 
1-189 = RAYMOND, 190-379 = PAVETTA
 
#1: 2 (RAYMOND)
#2: 255 (PAVETTA)
#3: 291 (PAVETTA)
#4: 233 (PAVETTA)
#5: 99 (RAYMOND)
 
Proof of dice roll is in Novus Discord's "Contest" channel @ 8:03 PM EST on July 10th, 2018, or at this link.
@Pavetta wins.

 
 

All damage taken in the thread is still applicable and cannot be retconned!
 


Participate in a Battle or Challenge: +1 EXP to Raymond, +1 EXP to Pavetta
Win a Battle: +1 additional EXP to Pavetta
Total: +1 EXP to Raymond, +2 EXP to Pavetta
 
Asterion's and Raymond's official experience has been updated to reflect these changes, so there's no need to post in the Experience Updates thread!
 
This thread is now locked and been archived.
 





         







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