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Fight: Judged  - as long as you love me

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sid
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#7

SOMNUS vs EULALIE


@SomnusTotal: 83/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 25/30, Realism: 22/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity: 10/15, Realism:  14/15
WRITING: Creativity: 4/5, Realism: 4/5, Mechanics: 4/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 40, Health 22, Attack 18, + bonded: barn owl + magic: blood manipulation

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST (intro)
    • I really love the background you give to this post, from their marriage to them traveling to the Steppe together to his contemplating their recent union. I feel like Somnus is slightly distracted going into the battle, but I’m anticipating it being all the more fun because of it c; Really a nice intro post that sets both the scene and, perhaps more importantly, the mood.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive:  Somnus is taking it like a man, I’m proud. c; No true block used, I like the amount of detail you put into his response to her attack, as well as his actually standing there and letting her beat on hi
    • Offensive: I love this attack, the way it’s both playful and tactical. It’s not something I’ve seen really, so I appreciate you giving me something new to read!
    • Mechanics: The “Yes.” then the “No.” in the first paragraph confuse me, like you’re saying he both has and hasn’t seen war. I also feel like there’s a lot of overt description in this post that detracts from the battle, but otherwise a pleasant read and a nice reflection on Somnus’ character!
    • Notes:  I love the theme of his understanding the physical qualities of war and fighting, really plays true to his scholarly character! And, of course, the continual mention of love has me swooning for them.

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive:  No true block used, again taking it like a champ haha. Since it’s a light attack and he knows it’s a light attack, I really appreciate you not using any blocks, as strange as that sounds. Again his reaction to the blow is fitting, and I like that he had been following her instead of just waiting for another strike.
    • Offensive: This attack feels a little rushed, but I suppose Somnus’ window of time was only so long as well, so it’s fitting. I love that he’s literally shoving at her to knock her off balance, again a unique (if simple) approach compared to what I normally read.
    • Mechanics: Some frequent tense changes that were actually slightly distracting, but nothing too glaring!
    • Notes: Lorem ipsum.







@EULALIE - Total: 81/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity: 20/30, Realism:  23/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity:  12/15, Realism:  14/15
WRITING: Creativity:  5/5, Realism:  4/5, Mechanics:  3/5
BEGINNING STATS: Exp 20, Health 11, Attack 9, + bonded: gryphon

Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)

  • FIRST POST
    • Defensive:  N/A.
    • Offensive: I love the way she strikes and evades, it really reminds me of a tactician (which she is!) I feel a little confused about where she’s running at first (wasn’t she by his side? there’s no indication that she was running away then back, or around him, etc), but overall a nice intro attack designed to test Somnus’ mettle, like she intends!
    • Mechanics: A few typos early on (“might taken him from her,”), but I really appreciate that you’re continuing from the scene and mood that Somnus has set in his post, as always their posts are flowing very well together!
    • Notes: “She thinks her adoration for him will always make her feel like a newlywed, because she can only fall in love with him more and more, again and again, each day.” Ummm hello this romance in a battle is everything, I love it so much.

  • SECOND POST
    • Defensive:  No true block used. I love the way she calculates it, how she sees his teeth but still won’t risk injuring him to avoid the bite. Her reaction makes it feel like a love nip and I’m perfectly okay with that (especially since I read ahead and know how this ends, it feels almost like foreshadowing and I’m loving that!)
    • Offensive: Again her calculation is a fun read and I think it plays really true to her character and rank. And the way you describe her circling him literally has me hanging onto every word, hungry for more. She’s still playing it safe, as is he, and I’m appreciating the consistency in your writing and Eulalie's
    • Mechanics: Again a few easily overlooked typos (“something is happen that she…” etc), but a really smooth post to read.
    • Notes: The playfulness from the end of her first post and the guilt at the beginning of this post don’t quite match up to me - but otherwise still a really fun thread to read!

  • THIRD POST
    • Defensive:  No true block used. Like I said above with Sparrow, I really like that neither character used a block because both character’s are taking it easy on each other. It’s given this battle a light and playful feel that I’m truly enjoying. Her response and reaction to his shove is appropriate I feel, and I like the way it leads into her feeling off balanced and flirting. c;
    • Offensive: No attacks left, I like the way you played it that she wouldn’t have continued an attack, anyway. Had I not known you only had so many attacks to use, this would have seemed a fitting end already. c:
    • Mechanics: Easy to read, not going to pick apart mechanics because of how well this flowed as a standalone post, and in the context of the thread overall!
    • Notes: This ending. This ending. This thread has been everything. Eulalie’s consistency through it all has been really refreshing, and a true delight to read. <3







Closing Remarks: What a fun, light battle! Thank you both for a lovely read, I feel like this was a really fitting chapter in their story. <3











Messages In This Thread
as long as you love me - by Somnus - 04-01-2019, 02:44 AM
RE: as long as you love me - by Eulalie - 04-06-2019, 10:30 AM
RE: as long as you love me - by Somnus - 04-08-2019, 06:27 AM
RE: as long as you love me - by Eulalie - 04-11-2019, 06:20 PM
RE: as long as you love me - by Somnus - 05-06-2019, 03:28 AM
RE: as long as you love me - by Eulalie - 05-16-2019, 09:37 AM
RE: as long as you love me - by sid - 05-24-2019, 01:38 PM
RE: as long as you love me - by aimless - 06-02-2019, 06:03 PM
RE: as long as you love me - by aimless - 06-02-2019, 06:09 PM
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