We splashed water at each other, giggling and harmless, surrounded by multicolored lanterns, and although it was a lovely scene I didn’t wholly feel myself. Like I was just pretending to be a girl when really I felt more like a tree, or a stone, or a pile of moss. I guess I had forgotten what it felt like to play, even though I was still practically a baby. But I forced myself to do it for Maeve, and as I repeated the actions they became easier. More natural.
It made me feel good to make her smile. Sadness didn’t suit little Maeve. Maybe it didn’t suit any young girl, myself included, but what could I do. I’d say it wasn’t up to me-- I didn’t want to be sad-- but to be honest I think every emotion is a choice. You can feel it, or you can’t. And to be alive meant to feel, so I threw myself into the feeling.
“Well I think you’re already on the right track, you seem pretty courageous to me.” In terms of courage we both paled in comparison to Avesta, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud. My sister was so courageous, sometimes when I was scared or uncertain I just pictured her there next to me, and I instantly felt safer. Stronger.
Maeve asked me what my wish was, and I smiled sadly. “I wished for the safety of my family.” It was a small lie, and it came out easily. In truth I had wished for my family to be brought back to me. It didn’t even occur to me to specify that they be brought back alive and well, healthy and whole. I felt selfish for leaving out those details, so I fudged the truth a little. “Gods forgive me,” I thought with a glance to the sky and a little smirk, knowing they couldn’t care less. “They went across the sea to bring light to a dark place,” I explained in case she didn’t already know.
It was my turn to change the subject, and I did so swiftly and without remorse. “Want to know a secret? Your momma Morr kind of scares me.” I laughed, remembering the time she had followed Avesta and I into the strange maze. Thinking of how I avoided her (not just her but the others too: Antiope, Moira, Sloane. All the not-Isras) as I slunk around the court like a villain, quiet and brooding. I turned to look behind us at the shoreline, wondering with amusement who the regent was bullying this time. Whatever she was doing, she was out of sight.
- - -
@Maeve <3
