His gaze was sharp, staring directly into the dawn’s light as it began to cascade over the court’s walls. It stung, no doubt, to look into the sun so freely -- even if it’s light were subdued but it could not compare to the sting in his heart. A sense of failure draped over him like a cloak, the burden on his shoulders too much to bear. It had been a year of interesting occurrences, the rebirth of the courts, the rise and fall of kings and queens -- tumultuous alliances, festivals and what he assumed were the beginnings of love. He grit his teeth, his grip against the stone walls tightening. Did he really wish to let it all go? Is this not what he was supposed to crave? The power, the recognition of being a king?
A voice, as gentle as the spring breeze, answered in his mind. He recognized it, the unwavering firmness of his grandfather but he could not bear to linger on it. He was weak. He had been trying his very best to uphold the court around him, but he could see how it suffered under his care. He was like a child trying to raise another child, and he could not let his neglectful influence continue on in such a way. The ivy clawed its way against his skin, entangling him to the point of strangulation. It had come for him at last, the insanity that he had feared in the furthest corners of his mind.
His sense was threadbare, but he still had time to make better choices for the people. They would need someone, until he could sort himself out. His mind turned to the young emissary, the first to join his court. Ipomoea. He hated to disappoint the lad, hated to show this sort of incompetence to someone who needed careful guidance. He would not place that burden on his shoulders, he wasn’t quite ready although he made glorious strides in such a short time.
Then his mind turned to his regent, the obvious choice. Somnus would take care of the court. He could handle the realm with an efficacy that Kasil was lacking. He had called him here this morning, delivering a sense of urgency to his page that he could tell the boy had been terrified of him. That pained him, but he had to hurry and settle these things before he lost himself.
Liesel was the final thought of his mind, but she was perhaps the most poignant. He had known better than to feel something for her, and yet he could not stop the insistent gnashing of his heart. He wouldn’t have it in him to say goodbye to her. He was too much of a coward, it seemed. The memory of her scent wrapped around him like a warm blanket, trying it’s best to battle away the chill of the spring air but even that was not enough. The king shook his head, yanking away the golden diadem set into his hair, letting it fall to the ground with a clatter. He needed to speak to Somnus, and soon.
He had been in the library when the page had found him, harried and nervous.
’His Majesty has want of you,’ the page had stated, unable to maintain eye contact, ’Down, in the courtyard.’
A frown had pulled at Somnus’ dark lips, troubled and tense, but he had dutifully replaced the book that he had been scouring since the late-night hours. Young Alba, still too small yet to fly, roosted upon his shoulders between the downy juncture of his wings, as was her typical place. The barn owl’s eerie black eyes stared quizzically at the page, and Somnus could feel her confusion leak into a strange place within his breast. Since finding the nestling amidst the horrid blizzard, Somnus had been alarmed to discover that he could feel her own emotions; joy, satisfaction, indignation, irritation, even her hunger or thirst. It was strange, and the Regent had often found himself in the library searching for answers as to how such a thing came to be.
Now, however, his research was halted in favor of not allowing his king to wait.
Together both tactician and owl left the library, taking to the halls at a brisk pace. He nodded to those who he passed, both familiar and unfamiliar, but did not linger upon any morning greetings. Sharp emerald eyes could see the rays of sunlight peering through the windows, and he had a brief moment of surprise that he had trapped himself away in the library for nearly an entire night before he was breaching the citadel doors and stepping into the courtyard. The morning air was bitingly cool, even if spring had begun to chase away the snow and the frost, but it was nothing compared to the harsh freeze of this last winter. The Regent glanced around, mindful and quiet, trying to spot the rich bay form of his sovereign.
It was the sound of precious metal falling upon rough mortar that first caught Somnus’ attention, landing with a surprisingly emotional ’tink!’. His gaze snapped to the side and spotted Kasil further on, standing amidst the receding shadows as the sun slowly crested the horizon. A statue amidst the dawn, draped in shadow and light, he was a sight to behold. At the sovereign’s hooves lay a golden trinket, glinting in just the right light, and with a frown, Somnus began to approach. He recognized the item the closer he drew; the diadem that Kasil wore upon his brow. Unbidden, the tactician’s concern only grew.
The dunalino’s lips parted, brows furrowing as he made to beckon to his King. ’Majesty’ clung to his tongue, poised and prepared and ready, but he withheld the title at the last second. Something about the Dawn King’s posture, something about the grief and emotion that clung to him like a burdensome veil gave Somnus belief that Kasil did not need the company of his Regent at that time, but of a friend.
“… Kasil?” He called at last with a concerned lilt, letting his hooves slowly guide him to the bay stallion’s side. Alba was a silent spectator upon his shoulders, blinking slowly, curiously. “You sent for me?”
@Kasil <3 <3 <3 <3
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."
The sound of the diadem against the floor should have been louder, he thought. Instead it was as though he had stuck his head beneath the Rapax River -- everything was muffled. His thoughts were frantic and erratic, reigned in only just so by his nature. If he’d had hands, they would have shook with violence to rival a hurricane. He tried not to notice the quiver of his own lip, as despair gripped him anew.
The familiar voice of his regent was as the clattering had been, watery and distant. A roar rivaled every sound that should have demanded his attention. For an instant, he could not tear his eyes away from the horizon -- a silent prayer of reprieve to his God leaving his mind. It was a desperate thing and no answer came to him immediately. His dark eyes, burdened with shadow slowly turned to meet the golden stallion.
“Somnus.” He said, his voice lacking the composure that he had hoped would come forth. Silence draped like a heavy cloth across them, though there was no warmth there… A pit of ice had formed in his belly, and his next words took a moment to find him.
“I am leaving.” He said softly, unable to meet the eye of his friend. “You told me once that this mask I wore would falter.” He murmured to the horizon, recalling the very first night he had met Somnus. “And it has. I can not stay in the Court, any longer. My mind...it…” He shook his head, as if trying to clear it. “Something is wrong. I need you...to lead where I can not.”
He was not prepared. Nothing could have prepared him for what was about to transpire. The actions, the words. The sight of Kasil turning to look at him, of those brilliant mahogany eyes typically aglow with cunning and brilliance now dull with shadows of the mind and heart, would haunt him for nights to come. No knowing smile laid on the Dawn King’s lips, no spark of joy with recognition shone in his eyes. His presence was an uneasy one, whereas before it had been warm and welcoming. Standing before Somnus now was just a man, a flawed man, but the golden loved him all the same.
Summoning his courage, the regent took a cautious step forward, lessening the distance between them and hoping that his action would not be minded. Alba was silent upon her roost, the tension keeping her tame. Then, his name. His name, followed by the words that rocked the tactician’s axis to its core.
’I am leaving.’
No. No. Terror flooded his veins in a cascade of ice. Verdant eyes widened minutely, stress and uncertainty pulling at his face as he stared at his King. Leaving? Kasil was leaving? Heartache rose unbidden, staunching his fear, clogging his throat and making it hard to breathe. How many? How many beloved Kings would he be forced to lose in his lifetime? Not again.
Just as quickly as the thought came, however, he cast it aside. No. This was not about him. It was about Kasil, and Somnus, ever the loyal servant, would serve his Sovereign. He swallowed hard, calming himself, pushing away the nausea of fear and uncertainty and instead took the plunge to move up to stand at Kasil’s side. He eyed the other man carefully, thinking, desperately trying to find the right words to say. So silver a tongue, so keen a mind, and the words failed him now when he may need them the most.
Somnus inhaled deeply, calming his racing heart, before allowing himself to speak. He needed to stay calm. Collected. Brave. For Kasil. For Delumine.
“Masks are meant to falter, my friend.” It was a truth. A constant. One could only hold a mask for so long before they grew tired and it would need to drop. “And there is no shame when they do.” But Kasil was not done. With patience Somnus listened, eyes rooted on his King’s rich form, loathing the dejection that seemed to cling to him like a burdensome mantle. If only there was a way that he could help...
The crown weighs heavy indeed.
Then, the switch. The shift. Somnus’ lips pursed at Kasil’s final words, brows furrowing, feeling that weight rest upon his own shoulders. ’I need you… To lead where I cannot.’ He was no fool. He knew what that meant. Night was setting on Delumine’s Dawn King… But another was to rise. Somnus did not think himself worthy. He was an advisor. A tactician. His purpose had always been to serve, not to be served. He did not allow the shock to show on his face, instead forcing his expression to remain a pinched neutral in a politician’s poker face.
“... Since the first day I had stepped into Delumine and into this Court, I have served you. You are my King, but you are also my friend.” He hoped that Kasil understood. Somnus did not give such an honor away so freely. “It aches me to see you like this, Kasil. I only wish for you to be well. If abdication is what will help you, if leaving will mend your heart and purge the shadows from your soul, then I will not selfishly beg you to stay.”
He couldn’t.
Somnus took a deep breath to collect his spiraling emotions. To fall apart would not help Kasil, and Somnus was, as always, a most loyal servant. “I will tend to and nourish this Court in your absence. I will serve them, as I have served you, and I will lead them in your stead beneath Oriens’ knowing eyes. That is my promise to you.”
Then, finally, a moment of selfishness. “... I only wish that I could do more.”
@Kasil <3 <3 ilu Dis
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."
