If he were being honest, Somnus knew that he would prove to be poor company for anyone who might stumble upon his little solitary ’birthday bash’. A derisive snort was the only sound he made at the thought. It was more like a pity party, but he was far too stubborn an oaf to admit it to himself, let alone someone else. He had awoken just before dawn in a surprisingly sour mood, alone and cold in his chambers and grumpy from a listless night. Caelum was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps that was for the best.
It was his birthday. The seventh day of spring… Yet Somnus felt terribly low. It could always be worse, but his heart was surprisingly heavy on a day that should mean a joyous occasion surrounded by beloved family and friends. Alas, here he was, another year older and secreted away in the citadel library with his fourth serving of Delumine grown coffee. Black, no sugar, no cream. Bitter, just like he was feeling at the moment. Oriens bless the patient page who had darted to and fro throughout the citadel to refill his coffee pot when it grew empty. A dusty tome rested innocently upon the ground before his folded legs where he lounged upon warm duvets and cushions with young Alba napping in a comfortable roost between his shoulders, and the Regent would alternate between scanning the letters written in elegant script, flipping a page, sipping at his coffee, or gazing longingly out the window. It wasn’t an ideal way to spend a birthday, but it served him just fine. He wasn’t in the mood for company anyway.
Nightmares had awoken him, of fire and blood and heartache. Of his late-king’s reverent smile. It had been a very long time since he had dreamt of the Fall of Vallen. In a way, he had thought himself over it all, but clearly there were some things that the mind simply could not forget or bury. If only it had waited for another day to rear its ugly head, perhaps then it would not be so bad, but life had the uncanny ability to kick a man when he was down.
Verdant eyes turned away from his book and once more to the window, watching as the colors of dawn chased away the suffocating dark of night. Perhaps a bit of fresh air would do him some good. As soon as the thought popped into his head, however, Somnus immediately drowned it with a sip of hot coffee. No. He was quite content here, thank you very much, hidden away from the world to selfishly celebrate his day of birth alone. It’s what he wanted… But was it what he would have wanted?
Groaning, the tactician’s tired emerald gaze slid closed against the rising sunlight. “… When will you no longer haunt me?” He asked wretchedly to the empty library. No one would answer, the ghosts of the authors of every tome and novel silent. Alba, disturbed by her bond mate’s verbal inquiry, ruffled her feathers in agitation, one black eye slowly sliding open to regard the dunalino with a look of grumpy indignation. The nestling was growing tremendously from the day that he had found her within the blizzard, but they were still figuring one another out. If there was one thing that the barn owl loathed was being rudely awoken. She certainly loved her sleep. He sighed apologetically.
“Apologies, Alba. Go back to sleep.” The nestling gave a ’chirrup’ and did just that, tucking her downy head down between her wings to continue her morning nap. Somnus, for his part, turned his gaze back to that of his book, let out a dreary sigh, and once more continued to read. The day would pass and life would continue, but for now, he simply had to endure and survive.
Somnus is being an uncharacteristic grump on his birthday. Open to anyone who wants to put up with his grumpiness! :D
"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."
Swept up by his duty, serving an endless patrol that he was proud to uphold, Ulric had spared himself little time for friends and relaxation. Delumine itself had been quiet since the day he'd arrived, and from what he could tell nothing seemed bent on changing that any time soon. It was nice, this peace, as it was something the roan had never had the chance to grow accustomed to, but he feared what might happen if he turned his back on the borders for too long.
The Warden could speak endlessly on the possibilities of what might and could happen, how there would always be treachery and war, but not today, for today was his best friend's birthday, and Ulric would do absolutely anything for the man of gold - including step away from his post for the day.
As the darkness of night melted away and was replaced by a myriad of brilliant color, Ulric made his way into the citadel after a failed attempt at finding Somnus anywhere outside. Knowing him, he was either nose-deep in a novel or kicking off the day with his own set of tasks, whatever those even were now that he had been made Regent.
It was the frantic departure of a page from one of the rooms, his scent thick with the bitter smell of coffee, that drew Ulric to the room where Somnus lay. With a tap of his hoof against the cobblestone floor, the silver warrior peeked his head into the entrance, his gilded eyes merry and radiant. But just as the man drew a breath to speak, something caught his eye and he stopped himself short. Who he saw before him was not the Somnus he had always known - warm, sharp, timley and prepared to face whatever the world decided to throw at him next - but perhaps this time, it had thrown too much at him?
With notable hesitation Ulric took a step further inside, brows furrowed with blatant confusion wrought across his dark facade. "Apologies, for intruding." But honestly, if something truly was amiss in his friend, particularly on his birthday, then he was glad to have intruded. "I just came to wish you well on your birthday. It dawned on me a couple weeks ago that it was coming up." He remembered a time in the past when they had celebrated it, but that had been back when they resided in Vhallen. Then, attempting to pry into the real question at hand, the Warden continued. "Hope you're not feeling ill today of all days, Twinkle Toes. I've got the whole day planned out."
If he had known that he would be receiving company, Somnus wouldn’t have been allowing himself to wallow in his heartache and melancholy. As it were he had been confident that no one would know that today was more than just another typical day, and thus, have no need or desire to seek him out. Regent though he may be, Somnus was just as entitled to his privacy as everyone else. He had Alba, coffee, and a riveting book, and that was all that he needed… But when the door to the grand library creaked open ever so slowly, and in peeked the one man who perhaps knew him best throughout the entirety of Novus, Somnus knew that there was no point in hiding his ire.
Sharp verdant eyes darted towards the doorway upon hearing Ulric’s voice. He allowed himself a moment of selfish, impudent silence, assessing his dear friend’s physical state as he did so. While surely tired from the continuity of his patrols, Ulric looked well. The soldier’s physique had not waned, and if anything it had only grown more toned and refined. The position of Warden served him well, and the Regent was pleased of the loyalty and dedication that the roan displayed towards his Court. Just like Vallen, for hearth and home. Ulric was never one to disappoint.
Nestled between his folded wings, Alba’s head emerged from the downy valley of her own feathered appendages, peering at the blue roan stallion through round, unnervingly black eyes. She blinked slowly, something judgemental in her beady stare, before letting Ulric know of her great displeasure at his interruption with a loud series of pops and hisses.
’Sleep!’ she demanded, the echo of her voice in his head, her frustrated emotions swelling within Somnus’ very own breast. The golden sighed, offering the nestling a look. Alba ruffled her feathers and let out a mighty huff in return, but relented and remained awake. That didn’t stop her from shooting Ulric a few dirty looks, of course, as the subject of her current disdain.
“Don’t mind her. She is merely displeased that you’ve interrupted her morning nap,” Somnus stated by way of greeting, ever formal, ever polite. Not that he could blame her, of course, as Alba was a nocturnal creature. Typically Somnus would move to stand when greeting another of the Dawn Court, but Ulric was a very good friend, and he knew that the Warden would not mind his reclining stature. So, instead, he remained where he was, resting upon the duvets and pillows with his keen eyes locked on the concerned gaze of his friend.
The roan went on, and Somnus ignored the urge to roll his eyes. Such an action was horrendously unbecoming, after all. Instead he stared, arching a brow, but then nodded after a moment of internal deliberation. “Thank you, for the well wishes.” But as for everything else… There was an absurd moment where the Regent hoped he could lie, where his silver tongue could fool Ulric like he could effortlessly sway so many others, but the thought immediately soured his stomach with guilt. Ulric was merely concerned, and he was a friend. Perhaps, even, Somnus’ closest friend. He couldn’t bear the thought of treating him so unfairly.
“I fear that it is only a trouble of the heart that plagues me. Nightmares.” The tactician frowned, expression pinched and incredibly exhausted. “It’s been a long time since I’ve dreamt of Vallen… Foolishly I had assumed I was past it all.” Somnus knew that he would not need to elaborate. Ulric had been there. The Warden had seen him at his worst, distraught and heartbroken, but here they were. A different Court, a different land. A different life, but still together.
Deciding that he had quite enough of appearing weak, if only for his own damnable pride, the dunalino finally shifted and ever so slowly unfolded his legs to push himself upright. As he did so, Alba wobbled precariously upon her roost, still too young to fly. Soon, they would tackle that particular step, but not today. Verdant eyes met rich gold once upright, and he cleared his throat. There was no missing the regret that crossed his face.
“You say that you’ve ‘got the whole day planned’, but I fear I will make for poor company, birthday or not. I won’t be offended if you retract your offer, Ulric.”
Somnus' silence was the first indicator that something truly wasn't right.
Stepping further into the room but leaving a respectful distance between them, Ulric looked briefly towards the fledgling nestled within his friend's folded wings, causing dark brows to furrow curiously. He had seen a handful of those lucky enough to share a bond with another species throughout his travels, but it was still odd to see. When had Somnus acquired the owl, who was clearly quite upset with him, in the first place? Had he really been that caught up in his patrols that it had been that long since speaking with his best friend? The roan frowned as guilt began to pool in his chest.
"Can't say I blame her - I'd be upset, too," he responded with a soft chuckle, because damn did a nap sound delightful, but not before greater matters were tended to.
Without being forced to press, Somnus revealed just what was eating him up, and immediately the Warden understood. Vallen... The Kingdom they had both served faithfully, the Kingdom that had helped build them up to what they were now. The Kingdom which had once stood so mighty, an impenetrable fortress, only to be dismantled and destroyed by a single, conniving traitor. Ulric had been there for Vallen's fall, but Somnus had, and he knew not the horrors which his friend had faced back then nor the demons that continued to haunt him today.
Shaking his head as though to dismiss Somnus' words, his dark lips drew back into a frown. "No," he spoke gently, "It's alright. If you'd like... we can talk about it?" Not that he had ever been terribly good at that, but Ulric was nothing if not stubborn, and he'd be damned if Somnus spent any day lost in emotional turmoil, especially his birthday.
"... You miss him, don't you?" Came the question after a moment of hesitation, golden eyes leveled with the emerald of the Regent's own. "His Majesty, I mean."
It was hard to really know what to expect with Ulric. The man was keen and capable, stubborn and loyal, fierce but oh so gentle. He would not be so easily swayed by carefully thought out words spoken patiently or barked orders in anger to leave me alone. Somnus already knew the look he would get, the pensive frown and perhaps a roll of golden eyes followed by a sarcastic remark to just ’stop being stupid, Twinkle Toes’, and so he merely heaved a long, fatigued sigh. There was no point hiding his emotional state from one that he had known for so long, from the one that knew him best.
They both understood loss. They understood pain. Now, more than ever, Somnus was grateful to have Ulric in his life, grateful to have someone who knew him so well, knew his sins and transgressions, and did not judge him for it.
Oriens bless you eternal, my friend.
Even at the following words, inquiring about Vallen’s late-King, the Regent could not hold his Warden’s warrior stare. Emerald eyes, swimming with the agony of loss and heartache, drifted away to focus on a row of books. He stared without truly seeing them. For a long while he was silent, both physically and mentally. It had been a long time since his mind had tried to disassociate, but here he was, like a fool, standing in a very public place while his mind both slowed down and sped up, frantically trying to figure everything out. He was always the man with the plan. Somnus had contingency plans for his contingency plans… But there was no ‘plan B’ for this. It simply was, and he had to rally against the storm.
“... Like the fool that I am, yes,” he murmured in answer, the root of the reason for his poor mood laid bare for all to see, “What’s done is done, Ulric. I shouldn’t be plagued like this. He is gone and we are still here, his last order fulfilled, and that should be enough, but I…” The Regent’s eyes darkened, his face taking on a look of insurmountable pain, then anger, before it all melted away into a look of sheer exhaustion. “... I fear that it will never be enough.”
That it would never stop hurting and burning, that the wound of loss would never scar and instead continue to fester and bleed. When would it grow easy? When would the nightmares stop? Waking to a quiet, lonely room gasping the name of his long-dead King?
Suddenly the grand library felt far too small, like the walls were closing in. Somnus heaved a breath, anxiety bubbling in his chest and making it hard to breathe, and he once more looked to Ulric. Cautious. Desperate. “... I can’t stay here. Please, help me from this place. I need some air.” The stacks and shelves of books, once so soothing and comforting, now seemed to suffocate him. He needed air, fresh air, needed to feel the breeze in his face and the sun upon his back.
we are men amongst mountains, pressing into the night
If Somnus was one thing, he by far was not a fool. The man was clever as a fox, sharp-witted and held the sharpest tongue of any he had ever known, capable of cutting down anyone who stood before him. But no matter what, he was still prone to pain, of holding on to regrets and making mistakes, of being vulnerable like he was now.
Ulric didn’t miss the way that his friend cast his gaze to the side as though he were unworthy to look upon him a moment longer. The warrior’s brows furrowed as he listened, not in anger but in thought, and with a soft breath the roan gave a shake of his convex head. “No, you shouldn’t be,” he offered gently, “What happened in Vhallen… It wasn’t fair. There was no way of knowing what was going to happen, no way to stop it. But you coan’t afford to blame yourself for any of it.“ And no way to bring back their fair and beloved King, nor the other countless lives that had been taken from them on that day. But Somnus knew this, and he feared that speaking on it further would only spoil the golden man’s mood for good.
“He may be gone, Somnus, but we can still celebrate his life and let the world know of him. Of all the good things he did and planned to do. That way, he’s never really gone.”
With those words, Ulric dropped the topic. It had become too much, and if the Regent wished to step outside, then that was what they would do. Nodding his head, the Warden motioned for Somnus to follow as he led the way down one of the many hallways until they found themselves out of the confines of the massive library. There was a persistent nip in the air, but it was an otherwise fair morning with the promise of a glorious day the longer it went on. However, no glory could be had if Ulric failed to pull Somnus from the vice-grip of his memories and find a way to bring at least a little bit of joy to his special day.
Tipping his head back to gaze up towards the red-gold sky, a grin slowly tugged back against dark lips before Ulric shot a cursory glance towards his friend. “Lovely morning,” he remarked, “But… I feel like it’s missing something.” It was here that the Warden turned to face the Regent completely, hoping that he wasn’t being too forward or brash in his suggestion. “You’ve always been a pretty quick flyer, Sommy, but I’ll bet you anything I could beat you to the river.”
"Talk."
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