Fight Type: Battle Prize: None save standard Experience, this is a battle for Theodosia’s promotion to Champion of Battle in Dusk Court. Contact Made: Yes.
Character #1: @Israfel Bonded: Yes, Solaris the Phoenix. Magic: Yes, Pyromancy at Vexillum tier. Armor: No. Weapons: No. Current Health: 22 Current Attack: 18 Current Experience: 28
Character #2: @Theodosia Bonded: No. Magic: Yes, Storm-calling at Discipuli tier. Armor: Yes, an iron chestplate and leg bracers. Weapons: No. Current Health: 10 Current Attack: 10 Current Experience: 12
welcome to my cage, little lover
This was not the first time that Israfel stood upon this uprooted, pockmarked earth. It was not the first time that she had engaged in battle within the vast shadows of Veneror Peak, the highest peak of Novus looming in the distance to the north, and she was confident that it would not be the last. What she did not know, however, was if she would leave here the victor or the defeated.
’I haven’t lost yet,’ she thought, picking her path upon the mottled soil and rock with great care, golden hooves guiding her route with a sturdy elegance befitting her training and station, ’But there is always a first time for everything.’
The day was long, the twilight touches of evening beginning to stain the cerulean skies as the sun sank further beyond the horizon. A cool breeze danced within the air, curling around them upon their warped, eroded battleground. Israfel shivered but did not halt, scanning the earth and her surroundings with fire in her eyes and a wild, rueful grin upon rose-kissed lips. Already the blood was thrumming in her veins, pulse pounding in preparation for a good scrap. It had been far too long. Above her, Solaris circled lazily in the air, her uncharacteristic silence proving that even the Phoenix understood what was about to happen.
They had come from Delumine proper, temporarily leaving the Dawn Court behind and their assigned task of babysitting Atreus for an impromptu test of mettle and skill. Israfel knew that she would not be disappointed in fighting Theodosia; they had far too much in common. Eventually she came to a halt, golden-marked wings reaching out wide as ivory and gilt feathers fanned wide. She faced the south, Veneror Peak at her back to the north.
The area around them told a silent testament to the previous battles and spars waged here, the holes and hoofprints leftover in the hard soil a visible scar. Trees surrounded them on all sides, leaves shifting colors to the more vibrant oranges and yellows of fall. The terrain would not be her ally, as she had learned the last time she was here. Caution was key.
Twisting her neck, Israfel faced Theodosia, vermilion eyes staring hard at her temporary opponent. This was simply a necessity. There was nothing really formal about it, other than they would take a few hits at one another and go from there. As her eyes raked over Theodosia’s pale perlino form and the bright red war paint that she wore, Israfel did what she could to pick out potential flaws to use for leverage, comparing their attributes to try and figure out what leverage would suit her best. It was almost remarkable, how very similar they were in build; nearly the same height, muscle and curves hugging the same places with strong legs and powerful shoulders. Israfel took a mental note to use caution when in close range of the soldier’s antlers, just as she was sure Theodosia was taking into consideration with her sharp, pronged horn. Any blows to the chest would be useless given the iron breastplate that the soldier was sporting. All in all, the Warden wondered if this would be like fighting herself, and hoped to use both speed and the stocky girth of her weight to her advantage. Her grin broadened and she lifted her head, sucking in a large breath of chilly, evening air.
“I’m not going to go easy on you, Theo, and I expect you to do the same.” Then, within her mind she called to the gliding Phoenix above. ’Solaris.’ At the beckon of her name, Solaris shifted her path within the air, her colors beginning to change from the placid ivory and gold to a flaring crimson as white-hot flames overtook her robust body. She twisted in the air, a burning beacon shining in the encroaching darkness, keen lavender eyes scanning the ground below and waiting for her moment to strike.
Orange eyes dancing, Israfel tilted her head and braced herself for whatever first attack the soldier would make. “Let’s go.”
Summary: Israfel and Theodosia have arrived at the battleground. Israfel is facing Theodosia to the south, with Veneror Peak at her back to the north. The temperature is mildy chilly given the autumn evening, and the time of day is growing evening. Israfel is waiting for Theodosia to make the first move as Solaris flies overhead.
Attack Used: 0 Attack(s) Left: 2 Block Used: 0 Block(s) Left: 1 Item(s) Used: LIST ANY ITEMS USED, IF ANY
She was born a fighter, a gatekeeper of an endless war between divinity and mortality -- it was her reckless mortality that has nearly killed her once, twice, a dozen times, her unwanted divinity the only thing that kept her from following the reaper into whatever life awaited after this one. She was born a fighter, with scabbed over knuckles and a crooked grin, fitting into her iron armor like the skin she had never quite been comfortable in, with her blood thrumming in her veins as she approached the battlefield. The pockmarked Steppe is a familiar sight to her weary eyes, a homecoming that wasn’t quite true -- Terrastella would always be her home, but there is something about a battlefield that feels like a warm embrace, like she’s found somewhere she belongs.
There will be no quarter given in this fight, she knows, no mercy between two nearly-identical demigods. Just the thought sends shivers of static crackling down her guard feathers, barely visible in the approaching purple twilight. It will be a difficult fight, she knows -- they’re too similar in build to get any sort of advantage, and any attempt to use her antlers could easily be parried by the gleaming, pronged horn upon Israfel’s head. Her chestplate, inscribed with reaching lightning bolts and the setting sun emblem of Terrastella, would hopefully be enough to ward away any attacks to her chest -- but what of her unprotected flanks and neck, the tender flesh exposed?
Not to mention, she would need to split her attention between the warrior on the ground and the flaming phoenix in the sky.
“I wouldn’t expect you to,” She quips back with an easy grin as they face each other, two identical statues for a brief moment before the cadet throws her weight forward in a sudden, violent feint -- testing Israfel’s reaction time, but instead of connecting, the perlino pegasus twists away and throws open her wings, leaping from the ground beneath to take her place in the sky with a series of rapid wingbeats. “Come and get me, then!” she challenges with the setting sun at her back, a deliberate halo of light intended to help mask her from Israfel’s eyes.
A singular beat, two, then three -- she waits to see if the golden pegasus will take her bait, to bring the battle to the open sky above them, and then she folds her wings and dives with the wind screaming in her ears, her teeth bared and forelimbs outstretched to batter at the body before her. In the heat of the moment, she doesn't know if she connects or not -- and as alarm bells scream in her mind, as she flirts with the possibility of crashing, she flares open her wings and allows the wind to yank her away. Her wings angled to turn her momentum into an escape, to keep away from closer quarters with the more experienced mare.
It is exhilarating. It is terrifying.
It's something she could fall in love with, over and over, how reckless she could be with her own mortality.
Summary: theo feints a charge at israfel and uses the momentum from her leap to take flight, using the sun for cover as she climbs. she challenges israfel to follow her, but regardless if israfel does or not, she divebombs at the other pegasus, intending to hit her with her front hooves -- whether she hits or not, she opens her wings and banks left to try and escape whatever Israfel's retaliation might be, planning to play a game of cat-and-mouse.
Vermilion eyes remained rooted upon Theodosia’s frame as she watched for movement, rose-kissed lips twisting upwards into a feral, wild grin. No longer did she have to be a political delegate, forcing pleasantries through clenched teeth with polite smiles. Here she was a warrior. Israfel was always a lit flame, and this battlefield was the ignition. She licked her teeth in anticipation, glee shivering up her legs and coursing into her breast, molten blood pumping through her veins.
It was time.
When the pale cadet lunged, all coiled muscle finally releasing as she shot forward, Israfel braced herself, steadfast as her golden-etched wings suddenly unfurled, feathers stretching and fanning towards the dusk-colored sky. Gilded, cloven hooves dug further into the soil, narrowed eyes watching as Theodosia launched herself from the earth, racing across the distance between them, but it was not to collide. No, instead, the pale demi-goddess feinted the attack, and her luxurious wings unfurled to draw her into the air.
Israfel’s grin remained. She watched through a critical, burning stare as Theodosia carried herself into the air, the sun at her back as though to use it to her advantage. A bark of mad laughter escaped the Warden’s maw.
’Foolish girl.’ It would not aide her adversary, not today. The might of the sun pumped through her very veins. She was the one born of the sun, of the light, of burning flame and scorching passion. It would not serve Theodosia well to use the very foundation of Israfel’s being against her.
Instinct kicked in, the blood of her godly father rising to the forefront as Theodosia dove downwards to make her attack, front hooves poised to strike like lethal daggers. Magic sung through her veins, scratching, itching, demanding to be unleashed from its imprisonment in a torrent of suppressed might. Suddenly, from the base of her very hooves, a twisting, winding pillar of flame erupted and engulfed Israfel’s very being, the scorching air whipping her hair about her face as the flames obscured her view of Theodosia’s approaching visage. There was a brief moment of panic that cut through the temporary high that had filled her head, piercing the veil of adrenaline and excitement and stealing the breath from her very lips.
The last time she had been engulfed in a pillar of flame, colossal and encompassing as it decimated the very land around her, she had died. Burned alive, her very element had turned against her, but this… This was not then. This was now, and she needed to focus. The flames were hers to control, hers to manipulate, and she would not give in to dread. Not here.
A second pillar of flame flickered to life roughly twenty feet in front of her current location, the churning flames twisting like a tornado made of molten heat, rising higher and higher into the air as its circumference grew. Only when the second tornado had formed did Israfel release the charge of her magic, and from one pillar to the other did she teleport. From beneath Theodosia’s mighty body did she disappear, avoiding the attack of her dagger-sharp hooves to instead appear in the air twenty feet away.
Her wings unfurled with a snap, gilded feathers fanning wide as she took flight from a standstill. Upon her skin the fire remained even as the flaming pillar dissipated, the golden markings adorning her entire body now beacons of righteous fire. Her grin was a cocksure one, watching Theodosia veer to the left of where she had once been standing with a predator’s gaze. The first tornado diminished itself in a curl of fire, the earth blackened beneath its might, but Israfel did not hesitate to see what action Theodosia would take next.
Instead, she attacked, her splayed wings snapping back to propel her downwards, following the charge that Theodosia had just taken. Ducking her head as her wings spread out to slow her descent and avoid crashing into the earth, the Sun Daughter tucked her chin down towards her pale breast. Aiming the sharp prongs of her flaming horn towards the alabaster cadet’s exposed left flank or rump, Israfel hoped to find purchase and stab, or even scrape the exposed flesh in passing. In the air as they were with gravity working against them, kicking out with their hind legs would prove to be difficult, so the Warden anticipated that such a typically risky maneuver would be met with little resistance.
Above their battle, Solaris still circled, a flaming icon of war amidst the dying sunlight. The Phoenix loomed overhead, continuing to wait for the perfect moment to strike.
Summary: Waiting for Theodosia to make the first attack, Israfel holds her ground as Theodosia flies into the air. When she goes to strike from above, Israfel uses her pyromancy to block/dodge the attack and teleports herself twenty feet away and in the air. Then she charges to attack from behind, aiming her horn for Theodosia’s exposed left flank or rump.
Attack Used: 1 Attack(s) Left: 1 Block Used: 1 Block(s) Left: 0 Item(s) Used: LIST ANY ITEMS USED, IF ANY
The wind sings in her ears, whipping her long mane against her neck, sending icy tears leaking from her eyes, and yet she does not falter in her dive. She is a comet, streaming across the evening sky, and she laughs as she falls, as gravity yanks her towards the ground -- for all that she has achieved, she is still a young icarus, and it is recklessness that drives her towards her fellow demigod. When the tornado of fire bursts in front of her, awe-inspiringly bright against the evening sky, she throws back her head and laughs even as her wings scream with the force needed to alter her course, to veer herself away from the flames that threaten to lick across her skin.
She thinks that the beat of her heart might be a wardrum, echoing in her ears like a call to battle, and it’s never been more familiar than it is now.
She twists in mid-air the best that she can, her wings straining to lift her away from the ground that calls to her, and she knows she will be sore for days with how hard she is pushing herself. She has always done so -- her body is restless even when she is bone-tired, aching for one more patrol, one more chance to prove herself as anything other than a bastard god’s bastard daughter. There is a hunger within her chest, deep and gnawing, unable to be satisfied even with all that she has achieved in her short life, and she doesn’t remember a time when she has not felt hollow beneath her bones.
Behind her, storm clouds begin to gather on the horizon, pitch-dark and threatening. She catches sight of Israfel’s attack mid-beat, the flames dissipating into thin air and leaving the ground beneath them charred and blackened. The mare’s horn gleams in the twilight, tendrils of fire twisted around the ivory, and it might have been beautiful if it were not terrible at the same time. There is no escape, no way for her wings to carry her out of range quickly enough, no ability to kick out and defend -- the horn bites into her flesh, carving out a chunk in passing.
She cries out, and the heavens answer.
Around them, the storm clouds rumble, static rolling across her wings as an omen of what was yet to come. Against her alabaster flank, the blood was a bright crimson, streaming down her leg -- as bright as her own warpaint, a warning to them both. What little animal sounds had been in the Steppe died out, suddenly, a void that was quickly filled by the rumble of thunder -- and then the sharp crack! of a lightning bolt arcing down through the sky, called towards the restless magic in her chest, trapped between where she and Israfel hang like figurines mid-air.
Her ears ring with the aftermath, her sight briefly stolen by the same errant bolt -- and she is left flying blind, unaware of where Israfel might be after such a display, and cursing Vespera under her breath in a way she is quickly becoming accustomed to.
Summary: slightly startled by the fire tornadoes, theo doesn't move fast enough and takes israfel's horn to her flank -- it's a long but not terribly deep cut, and will likely scar -- she'll be pretty sore for a bit. theo's heightened emotions have called to a nearby storm, and in response to the hit she has inadvertently called down a small bolt of lightning in her direction, between herself and isra -- blinding and deafening herself by accident. this use of magic has left her exhausted -- she's probably gonna fall flat on her face no matter what isra does next :p
Attack Used: 2 Attack(s) Left: 0 Block Used: 0 Block(s) Left: 1 Item(s) Used: does her magic count?
It seemed as though it took minutes, but in reality the attack was only a few short seconds. The double-prong tines of her flaming, golden-etched horn cut through the supple flesh of Theodosia’s left flank like a flaying knife, leaving a very distinguishable and crude wound behind. While not deep, it was a long laceration, and without the inevitable aid of a healer it would certainly scar. The battle was not over and Israfel knew better than to let it distract her, so she refocused on her opponent, ears snapping back to lay flat beneath a wild mane of hair.
Theodosia’s crimson blood stained the Sun Daughter’s horn as she wrenched her head backwards to disengage from the initial attack, a rolling bead of red trailing down the side of her horn to get lost within the ivory hairs upon her face. Should they not part here, there was a very good chance that their wings and limbs could entangle and send both of them careening into the ground directly below them, and Israfel didn’t exactly fancy ending the battle in such a way. Not yet, at least.
Not so easily. This battle would end on her terms or not end at all.
Gritting her teeth, her eyes piercing pools of vermilion determination, Theodosia’s scream suddenly rang sharply within her ears. It was far more than just a cry of agony or pain. There was emotion in the sound, deep and profound and unfathomable to anyone who had never experienced the same. Rage, certainly. Heartache, definitely. Determination? Undoubtedly. They were matched, the two of them, and Israfel understood. Oh, but she understood. She understood Theodosia’s grief, her fury, her strengths, and even her weaknesses. They truly were nearly the same, varying in only slight ways.
Around them storm clouds seemed to form and collect within the skies, blotting out the meager sunlight provided by the setting sun and stealing away the stars that had twinkled overhead. Thunder echoed throughout the Steppe, the evening breeze beginning to pick up with stronger gusts that buffeted their aerial bodies. The smell of rain and ozone lingered throughout the air, and the Warden of Terrastella managed to just inhale sharp enough to practically taste it when a bright bolt of lightning shot down from the heavens themselves with a mighty, deafening ’crack!’ It struck just before the two fighting demi-goddesses, bright and bold enough to presumably blind them both.
“Fuck!” Israfel jerked backwards with a start, eyes clamped shut against the searing, sudden blindness that seemed to overtake her. The lingering effects from the sudden strike of lightning seemed to carry on the wind, a steady current of electrical energy that traveled from the tips of her cloven hooves to the tips of her ears. Wings splayed out wide, legs stretched out in fear of suddenly scraping against the pock-marked land beneath her, the gilded woman struggled to remain airborne from the sudden disorientation. Bright spots danced behind her closed eyelids, and whenever vermilion eyes opened to slits, the spots stubbornly remained.
Solaris!
The command came quickly, effortlessly traveling from equine to avian. Solaris let out a powerful, echoing cry that pierced the air in a similar fashion of Theodosia’s lightning bolt, and the flaming crimson Phoenix whirled about amidst wind and ozone. Keen lavender eyes spotted Theodosia’s body down below, all soft ivories and luscious locks of ripe alabaster, and then she dove. Down, down, down did the Phoenix descend, twirling once in the free fall as she pulled her wings flush against her narrow sides to dive-bomb the Storm-Caller. Flames licked and caressed against Solaris’ large body, the burning fires illuminating her descent like a flaming arrow into an endless abyss.
Solaris had no idea if Theodosia had also been blinded by her own lightning bolt, but she fully intended to treat it as though she had. Like a falling star she plummeted towards the two battling equines, and only when she was close enough to her chosen one’s opponent did the Phoenix snap her wings out to catch her weight, feathers and flames billowing as she slowed her descent to try and strike down upon the cadet’s spread wings. Talons reached out like a rain of daggers, the fury of her flames hot enough to scorch and blister, and Solaris attacked from croup to shoulders.
Whether or not the attack would hit, the mythical bird fully intended to soar right on past Theodosia’s antlered head and fly back into the cloudy sky, where she would wait until Israfel’s next command.
Summary: Pulling back from Theodosia so they both don’t go careening into the ground, Israfel is temporarily blinded by the bolt of lightning that Theodosia had summoned. She called upon Solaris to attack next, and Solaris dive-bomb’s Theodosia while on fire. Solaris attempts to scrape her talon’s up Theodosia’s back or have her be burned by the fires, whichever might happen should Theodosia not avoid the attack.
Attack Used: 2 Attack(s) Left: 0 Block Used: 1 Block(s) Left: 0 Item(s) Used: LIST ANY ITEMS USED, IF ANY
‘Never bow your head,’ her dam had told her when she was still a young child, back when she had still stood amongst her immortal siblings and when measured, had found herself lacking -- the child of a mortal with lightning in her heart, born of magic and tragedy, and it hadn’t taken her long to realize she was different. Her siblings had angels for mothers and the fleeting attention of their shared father -- she had a dam treated worse than the lowliest scullery maid, and it had made her blood boil when the reality of the situation had come crashing in.
There is ozone burning in the air around them, sharp and stinging in her nostrils, and her ears ring with the concussive force she’d just called down towards the earth. Everything has been blotted out in flashes of white, her vision flashing with spots no matter how often she blinked, and there is a sudden weight of exhaustion dragging her inexorably down towards the unforgiving ground. It’s close enough to the feeling of passing out that she nearly panics, clawing at her consciousness in a concerted effort to stay in flight.
She can’t crumble here.
She is still flying blind when Solaris’ cry pierces the storm-filled sky, her body jerking in surprise. She has no time to react, not with the spots still flashing brightly every time she tries to find her bearings -- her only indication of the intended attack is when white-hot pain sears across her croup as the phoenix's talons dig into the flesh there, and she is spared further damage only by her instinct being to duck in the face of the attack.
The sudden movement sends her off-balance, her hooves finding the earth beneath her and stumbling hard, hitting her knees in the dirt. She might have looked like she was praying, except for the exhausted grin that pulls across her lips as she tries to make out Israfel’s figure between the fading spots, her head tilted up towards the sky.
Summary: this dumb bitch blinded herself with her own lightning, took solaris' talons to the croup (shallow but long -- will bleed a lot but probably not scar) and in trying to duck, hit the ground praying (not really).
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
FIRST POST (intro)
I like how well you set the scene; I see a lot of people write short intros because they aren’t sure what to put here, but your commentary really helped get me into the mood for battle. And I always appreciate when the first person sets a scene for the next to reply to!
SECOND POST
Defensive: Well that was one of the fanciest dodges I’ve seen.
Offensive: I feel like her stabbing another horse in mid-air is just setting her up for an abrupt stop or a snapped horn haha. If she were to actually stab her, the momentum would carry her body forward even as her horn is stopping her movement, and that just sounds ouch to me. Definitely hoping she only manages to scrape her in Theo’s next post, versus stab her.
Mechanics: Kind of a bumpy ride reading through, I felt like there was a lot of description about Israfel and less so about what she was doing if that makes sense? I’d like the actions to be clearer because it’s a battle scenario, but it was a really lovely read regardless!
Notes: I’m really enjoying watching Israfel go from political delegate to Warden mode? Her commentary is beautiful, it really gives this fight a little more depth and continues from the scene you’ve set in your first post.
THIRD POST
Defensive: No true dodge used because you already used your one; that being said, I like how you played out her response to the attack! I don’t really have anything to compare it to (I’ve never been almost struck by lightning myself), but I think you played pretty well to the disorienting effect it would have!
Offensive: Oh I have been waiting to see Solaris get involved. I feel like your writing itself really helped spruce up this attack, but it feels really calculated, and less spontaneous I think? Which may have been your intent, so ignore this if it is!
Mechanics: Nothing that glares out at me.
Notes: I can really feel Israfel’s pride coming out in this post, and I definitely appreciated seeing her bonded come into play!
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
FIRST POST
Defensive: N/A.
Offensive: I really like this attack - it’s a unique interpretation of a charge that plays true to a pegasus (I’m envisioning like, barn sparrows lunging at and clawing at each other haha before twisting away haha.)
Mechanics: Some long, complicated sentences that probably could have used a read-over to help refine them, but nothing sticks out to me!
Notes: I think Theodosia’s dialogue really helps bring this post to life, the way she challenges Israfel and taunts her from the sky.
SECOND POST
Defensive: I really like the way you acknowledge Theodosia struggling in response to not only Israfel’s attack, but also her own and the repercussions the bolt has on her. I also like that while you didn’t skip over it, it’s also not written about to a distracting length; Theo just jumps on into her attack.
Offensive: I really like that Theo used her magic instinctually and in response, it plays true to her current tiers and just herself as a character. That being said, I feel like it’s worded in a way that makes it more likely to hurt herself than Israfel? Which can be a fun route to play, but since she’s using her magic as an attack I’d like to see more of a definite attack in there somewhere. c:
Mechanics: A pretty clear read! Good use of truncated sentences imo, it flowed nicely for me.
Notes: I really admire that you’re continuing the same commentary/mood from your first post, without repeating yourself or allowing it to become boring. Even though you’ve continued the same thread of thought on her emotions and her connection with the elements, each word is new and exciting and it keeps me hooked.
THIRD POST
Defensive: I almost wish I had seen more of a true block? I know she’s disoriented, but I feel it would make sense for her as a seasoned soldier to be able to hit the ground and cover her head, so to speak. That being said, I like the way you wrote out her continued disorientation, and her response to the sky borne attack.
Offensive: N/A, out of attacks.
Mechanics: A short post (which makes sense without any attacks or true blocks), that I think reads pretty nicely through!
Notes: That little flashback at the beginning has me really feeling for her. I think it tied up her battle (and her journey through this thread, in a sense) really nicely. Really well done I think. <3
Closing Remarks: Really well done guys, I enjoyed reading the emotional development of both character’s throughout the course of this thread. I really appreciated that you both stayed true to character, and turned this rendezvous into something a little more dramatic and a little more profound than either character might have anticipated. c:
04-30-2019, 10:46 AM
Played by
aimless [PM] Posts: 6 — Threads: 0 Signos: 1,580
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
FIRST POST (intro)
I like how detailed you are in describing the setting for this battle; imagery can always be a good way to set the scene/mood. I also appreciated how Israfel drew similarities between herself and Theo to strategize her attack.
SECOND POST
Defensive: Her magic made sense in the scenario, and I am glad she chose to utilize it—in a scenario like this where time is of the essence, I like how you write it as less of a conscious decision and more as a calling.
Offensive: While a good use of her horn, this attack would have made much more sense stationary. As it is written, I think the force of the collision with Theo would pull on her horn upon contact, so the fact she sustains no damage or pain after the attack renders it pretty unrealistic.
Mechanics: I am often guilty of writing long sentences myself, but many of the ones here distracted from the actual content of the post.
Notes: I enjoyed your description of the imagery here.
THIRD POST
Defensive: Not very creative, but closing her eyes is a pretty realistic reaction to the attack, so I can’t blame you for going this route.
Offensive: I am glad you chose to use Solaris seeing as Israfel was temporarily disoriented by Theo’s lightning strike.
Mechanics: The beginning of this post reads choppily to me: the description of Theo’s injury doesn’t flow well into Isra’s reaction, perhaps a different transition sentence at the end of the first paragraph would have helped. The repetition of some words in close proximity (determination, ozone, etc.) were distracting, as well.
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
FIRST POST
Offensive: I like the incorporation of the setting outlined by Sparrow in Theo’s use of the setting sun; the attack is well-written and gives a good sense of the movement and positioning of her body while still sounding eloquent.
Mechanics: In the first paragraph you describe her “scabbed over knuckles,” which maybe would have been better replaced with knees for a horse.
SECOND POST
Defensive: I appreciate how you explicitly mention the effort involved in her steering away from Israfel’s fire columns as it adds to the realism of Theo’s post. The damage taken is realistic for her health, as well.
Offensive: Your description of the strike as a reaction of Theo’s magic to the pain of being cut is both realistic and a creative use of her stormcalling.
Mechanics: A few comma splices, but nothing major stood out to me here.
THIRD POST
Defensive: She doesn’t use an actual block here, but with her fatiguing attack and relatively low health/attack levels compared to Israfel, I think this still fits well into the scheme of the battle.
Mechanics: Some run on sentences.
Notes: I think the inclusion of her exhaustion after her attack was appropriate and well-placed. The “did I win?” at the end was a cute reminder of her character.
05-01-2019, 06:34 PM - This post was last modified: 05-01-2019, 06:37 PM by aimless
All damage taken in the thread is still applicable and cannot be retconned!
Participate in a Battle or Challenge: +1 EXP to Israfel, +1 EXP to Theodosia
Win a Battle: +1 additional EXP to Theodosia
Total: +2 EXP to Theodosia, +1 EXP to Israfel
Israfel's and Theodosia's official experience has been updated to reflect these changes, so there's no need to post in the Experience Updates thread!
