EIK vs SERAPHINA
@Eik - Total: 78/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
@Seraphina - Total: 66/100
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 10/15, Realism 5/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
CLOSING REMARKS:
I really loved the emotion that BOTH of you wove wonderfully into all your posts. Everything felt very genuine and real, especially given the most recent events. There were a few instances where both of you had unrealistic aspects, but that will always happen in every fight! Overall, the ending was my favorite part. Sera not giving in to Eik's masochism - and recognizing that it was just that - was a very poignant moment.
OFFENSIVE: Creativity 26/30, Realism: 17/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 13/15, Realism 10/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 4/5, Mechanics 4/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (intro)
- I really like how smoothly this read and how well it showed Eik's "enlightenment." The Davke attacked affected so many Solterrans and all in different ways - but the calmness that Eik exhibits displays perfectly. In his actions, and in your words - it flows wonderfully!
- SECOND POST (defensive/attack)
- Defensive: Although he didn't fully avoid this blow (nor even try to), I honestly can't say that this is felt at all unrealistic because of that choice. It somehow fit his mindset very well!
- Offensive: I do question if it would be sensible for Eik to use a recently injured shoulder to attack with, but given his frame of mind, it almost makes a little bit of sense!
- Mechanics: There were a few sentences that read oddly, but nothing too extreme! The phrase "In fact some part of him wants to be the punching bag" read a little odd to me - it might have benefited from adding a comma after the in fact, to emphasis a slight pause... however, when discussing grammar, a comma is not necessarily required in that particular instance - so it is neither right nor wrong to have it with or without.
- THIRD POST (block/attack)
- Defensive: You chose a very unique way to block her secondary bite! While it wasn't directly addressed, it can be assumed that with his change in stance and position, the flank bite wouldn't make its mark.. however, it would have been nice to see it at least mentioned. It was, however, nice to see him think cooly and logically on how to maneuver around the mane-pull.
- Offensive: I think his defense and offense lead into one another wonderfully! I liked the smooth transition from her pull, to his following of her motions, and then the sudden rear, pulling himself away and potentially leading her into his next attack.
- Mechanics: The first paragraph threw me off a smidge. There was a sentence that started with "and" that felt like a very abruptly ended sentence... like there could have been more meat to it to make it read better or pull you in more. However the rest of the post was very nice! I especially liked the previous masochist quote reference.
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OFFENSIVE: Creativity 23/30, Realism: 20/25
DEFENSIVE: Creativity 10/15, Realism 5/15
WRITING: Creativity 4/5, Realism 2/5, Mechanics 2/5
Creativity: originality, imagination, and attention to detail.
Realism: mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your health and attack
Overall writing: creativity, realism, and writing mechanics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc.)
- FIRST POST (attack)
- Offensive: It was a simple attack, and there's nothing wrong in that! I came into this almost expecting this to be a "let off some steam" spar, but she seems much more tentative and thoughtful than I first expected.
- Mechanics: I really liked how you worded her initial attack - it read very easily! Despite being a lengthy post that was mostly introspective, it lent a lot to the situation at hand. I liked how Seraphina's nature really shined - as angry as she was/is, she has a level head. In both your writing and Sera's actions, you can clearly see how her mentality changed - from the anger she felt about the Davke attack, to the fight/spar at hand.
- SECOND POST (defensive/attack)
- Defensive: Eik wasn't actually going for her shoulder, but rather her side - so I think that was a little bit of an oversight.
- Offensive: I liked the idea of how, even though she's got all these thoughts roiling around in her head, she still has the mindset to be more tentative with her attacks. I WILL say that the mane pull and then flank bite were two technically separate attacks, so be mindful of those! ^-^
- Mechanics: I do think the flashbacks in the parenthases were a nice touch, however at certain points I feel like they almost interrupt the flow? I think what threw me off the most was the formatting of them - multiple ends/restarts of the parenthases made me feel like when 1 was ending, the flashback was fully done and we were going back to present... only to move on to another aspect of the flashback.
- THIRD POST (partial block)
- Defensive: I really liked the addition about her collar, plain and simple. It's such an important part of her yet sometimes easily forgotten.
- Mechanics: Honestly, I don't have anything negative to say about this post. It was very to the point, and the emotion you wove into it was beautiful.
CLOSING REMARKS:
I really loved the emotion that BOTH of you wove wonderfully into all your posts. Everything felt very genuine and real, especially given the most recent events. There were a few instances where both of you had unrealistic aspects, but that will always happen in every fight! Overall, the ending was my favorite part. Sera not giving in to Eik's masochism - and recognizing that it was just that - was a very poignant moment.
the novus crew
the someday crew
