we will travel this life well worn
no matter the cost, no matter how long
Eulalie walked alongside Somnus through the halls of the citadel, conflicted. She wanted to comfort him, to let him know that everything would be well and that they would get through this together. But, she also wanted to demand answers from him as she thought back to his spoken warning when they had been standing in the courtyard: ”Do not trust him.”
The ivory woman wanted to give him space and time to process as they walked, in relative silence, their hooves marking their steps throughout the castle. Their guests had been welcomed, given rooms, and were no doubt now wandering the court as they pleased. Eulalie had a feeling however that Somnus might be having an eye kept on Atreus for all the fanfare his arrival had come with; and not the good kind.
She did not know what to think, did not know how to feel. Clearly there was a history that Eulalie wasn’t aware of, and the way Somnus so clearly, so blatantly, did not like Atreus worried her. Especially for their son. If she was not to trust him, how could Regis be entrusted to his care? What if this man was the only one who could aid them? She couldn’t help but wonder if he actually would.
Once they entered their rooms, alone but for their son, sleeping behind another closed door, and the presence of their bondeds, Eulalie turned to look at Somnus. Her dark eyes took in the expression on his face, the way he stood. It pained her to see him so deeply affected by this, but in truth the anger he had displayed also frightened her. She looked at his verdant green eyes and remembered how like ice they had been. Then, unable to remain quiet any longer she finally asked. “Brother?”
Even though he didn’t speak, Somnus was grateful for the lingering, uninterrupted silence as they wandered aimlessly through the halls of the citadel. It gave him some much needed time to collect his thoughts, to calm his racing heart and the strange, burning sensation that seemed to thrum in his veins in time with his pulse. Eulalie stayed at his side the entire way, not speaking, not judging, just staying at his side, determined in that beautiful, steadfast way of hers to remain ever at his side, even when he was being a bloody git.
Inevitably, they did return to their chambers, checking momentarily on the resting Regis before leaving him in peace with their respective bondeds. Only when they were in the privacy of their own chamber did Somnus turn to face Eulalie, letting his troubled gaze of emerald meet her level brown. Then, her voice filled the previously uninterrupted silence between them, a single word that was far heavier than any mantle.
’Brother?’
He inhaled sharply, not about to disrespect her by altering his stare. Eulalie deserved the honest truth; he owed her so much more than that alone.
“Indeed,” he murmured wretchedly, letting out a long, deep breath as his shoulders, heavy as they were from the strain of the day, drooped a little, “We share the same father. We’re half-siblings.” But he knew that such an explanation wasn’t what Eulalie was pressing for. Why the hostility? Why the distrust? There was so much that had happened between he and Atreus, where could he even hope to start?
Pausing, the dunalino finally averted his gaze. He sighed again, wondering why words were failing him now when he was typically so silver tongued. “My apologies that I never told you about him. Quite honestly, Eulalie, I thought him dead. We haven’t always been on the best standing.” Yet that still did not explain the deep distrust between them. Somnus knew he had acted like a fool during that little display, but he didn’t entirely regret it. Not yet, at least.
“I promise you that I’ll tell you all that I can, darling, but I fear that it is a long and emotionally draining venture. You deserve to know, so I will readily tell you… I just wish to prepare you, if you would like to hear it all.”
I'll be brave when you are frightened
You'll be strong when I am weak in the knees
Eulalie could not find it within herself to be more stern with him, not about his attitude, not about his keeping something like this from her. Not when she looked upon his face and saw the shadow of distress over it. Not when he deflated with his breath and spoken words. She wanted answers, but to see him stand before her so nearly defeated wore away at her resolve. Already there was a softening to the sharpness of her gaze.
A half-brother. Eulalie had struggled enough with her own sister to know that sibling relationships were not made of blood alone, if at all. She yearned to know more, however. The discontent she had witnessed was not born of simple genetics she was sure. Whatever it was that had put such a chasm between Somnus and Atreus was much more than that.
“You’ve never told me about your family much,” Eulalie said, and she thought of all the weight he has always carried on his shoulders, of all the ways he has doubted his ability to be a King and she wondered if this is why. Was it this, this part of his past that she’d never heard, that made him question himself and had filled him with guilt?
The ivory woman looked at the way this burden weighed on him as he averted his gaze and sighed, and her heart ached for him. There was a line between them, binding them together. Maybe not physically, maybe it was not there at all in any capacity, but she felt it all the same. It tugged on her every time she looked at him, every time her beat a little faster at his touch or settled into a content rhythm when he was near. Now, it pulled on her, drawing her close to him.
Eulalie closed the space between them even before he had finished speaking, and she pressed against him, wrapping him in a gentle but firm embrace. In the quiet between them she allowed herself to feel the way his heart beat beneath the blanket of his skin, and she knew, had always known, that this was right. Nothing could change that. “You can tell me, and I will be here with you through it all. You don’t have to carry this alone any longer.”
As Eulalie crossed the already sparse distance between them and enveloped him within her warm, loving embrace, Somnus felt himself melt into it. Slowly his eyes slid shut, letting Eulalie’s love and strength shield him and protect him from the world, if only for a moment. Pressed against her, flesh against flesh, gold against white, his muscles began to relax, the tension seeping from his very being as though being pulled from the bottoms of his hooves. With her, he could breathe. With her, he could think.
Indeed, he had not told her much about his family, if at all. He had been fleeting when speaking of the past because he had thought, like a colossal git, that it no longer mattered… Yet it did. Atreus showing up on their doorstep proved that point well enough.
Sucking in a deep breath to rally himself, Somnus did not move or even attempt to pull away from Eulalie’s gentle hold. He remained there to relish her warmth, letting the feel and smell of her give him strength to find the words that needed to be said. Eventually, they came, and Somnus did not allow himself time to stop and think of what needed to be said. For the first time in many, many years, he spoke unfiltered, letting out everything.
“Atreus and I shared the same father, but we had different mothers. I never did know much about his mother… He would never tell me. All I truly remember about him during my youth was that he was always a little troubled. Our father paid far more attention to me and I believe that made him jealous, so I can only assume that was some form of catalyst for whatever troubles his head.” The dunalino paused for a moment but only to press a soft, adoring kiss to the side of Eulalie’s neck. He could not stop speaking for long, or else he would lose the willpower to just talk without thought.
“One day, Atreus left. I’m uncertain as to why. He left and I thought very little of it, oblivious as most children are, although I did miss him for quite some time. Eventually I moved on, leaving my mother and father behind to explore the world. The vast curiosities of the world intrigued me and I yearned to know the secrets that were being kept hidden from me. That was also when I met Ulric for the first time. I had begun traveling with a caravan of guild merchants to learn more about their trade and their skills in diplomacy, and he had been a mercenary hired to keep them safe along the roads. We got along brilliantly.”
“I traveled with them for quite some time before finding myself lingering among various noblemen and dignitaries of the world. I learned everything that I could from them; how to negotiate, how to speak, how to address strangers, friends, and enemies alike. I learned that a sharpened tongue could prove far more lethal than a sharpened blade… And then I found myself in Vhallen, and I was quickly swept up into the King’s Court.” The words were becoming far more difficult now, as the pain of losing his King would never truly heal. Oh, how Somnus had loved him, but he knew that his King would wish him to be happy, and happy he was with Eulalie. How very, very happy he was.
Sucking in a long, deep breath, Somnus held it for a few heartbeats before letting it out. As though out of habit, he pressed another kiss to Eulalie’s pale skin, but this time to her jaw. A silent worship, a reverent ‘thank you’. “I quickly became the King’s chief tactician and advisor, and we were very close. I served at his side for years. Eventually Ulric found his way to Vhallen and joined the military there. And then Atreus also arrived. Things were very good between us for some time. We did our best to mend the bridges burned by our parents, and we were successful.”
But how could he properly explain what had happened next? Swallowing hard, the Dawn King choked on his words but continued to talk. Eulalie needed to know everything in order to understand, and he prayed that she would understand and not hate him for it.
“Atreus fell in love. He met a lovely woman named Calliope who only brought out the best in him. She became pregnant and they were happy, but someone slipped a lethal poison into her drink. We could not save her or the foal, but we tried.” But it hadn’t been enough. It was never enough. “I believe it was this that caused his final descent into madness. We did not know who could have done such a thing, and Atreus was distraught. Somehow he discovered the man responsible for what had happened and murdered him in cold blood, torturing him before killing him. We held a trial, as the man responsible for Calliope’s death was a nobleman and had deep roots within Vhallen, and his family demanded retribution. During the trial, Atreus admitted what he had done and why, but… My King and the council gave him the death penalty. I did what I could to sway their minds. I was near frantic in an effort to save Atreus, but they would not budge.”
Unbidden, his heart began to beat a little faster, the anxiety of the memories causing his pulse to quicken. He breathed deeply once more, doing his best to calm himself. “They tried to execute my brother using poisons, but he escaped his prison cell and fled. An investigation was done and the soldiers responsible for watching him were discovered to have been torturing him for the days of his imprisonment. If only I had known… We sent out our troops to find him, but no one could. After a few weeks, we gave up. I was grateful, you know? That he escaped with his life, but I was terrified for the state of his mind. No matter how long I searched or the letters I sent to my affiliates, no one could find him. Then, a year later…”
Somnus paused and grit his teeth, ears pinning back as he recalled the fires, the screams, the terror, the heartbreak. “A year later, Vhallen was attacked. Our military had turned against itself by one traitor and my King was slain. His last command to me was to get the innocent people to safety and live. I… I have no proof, but my heart tells me that Atreus was behind it. It was too intricate of a plan, too intelligent. I’m certain that he believes I am responsible for what has happened to him. Perhaps I am. All I know is that whatever mended relationship we had is now beyond repair, and seeing him today… I’m worried, darling.”
And worried was an understatement. Somnus was terrified of what Atreus might do if he still felt that the dunalino was responsible for what had happened. Oh, he knew that he wasn’t innocent; there was so much more that he could have done in Vhallen to spare Atreus such a cruel hand, but while he had done his best, it hadn’t been enough.
I'll be brave when you are frightened
You'll be strong when I am weak in the knees
In that embrace Eulalie understood. They stood chest to chest and she could feel his heart and hear his breath and she knew: this had been weighing on him for far too long, whether he had chosen to speak of it before now or not. She lent her strength to him, her resolve. The sunshine woman felt her love for him in her whole being and she wished it were something more tangible, something for him to hold onto.
Then, he breathed, and then he spoke.
She listened with rapt attention, patiently allowing him the quiet and time he needed to get everything out. His description of their youth reminded her (not so fondly) of her own childhood. Her parents had always favored her elder sister, as though she were their only child. But, to become cold and hardened was a choice. Eulalie had never allowed the actions of her family or anyone else to skew who she was, to mold her into something that she did not want to be. For all the ways they had looked down on her, for all the ways they had treated her like she was less than worthy, the ways they had hurt and wronged her, she had tried not to give them the power. She wondered why, then, had Atreus seemingly given himself over to the jealousy?
When Somnus paused, Eulalie wondered if he might stop speaking. But he pressed a kiss to her neck and continued, and a smile turned up the edges of her lips. She gently brushed her nose along his skin in reassurance, a feather light, adoring touch.
The words continued to flow, slipping off Somnus’ tongue and filling the space around them. Each one painted a picture in her mind. The thought of a younger, curious Somnus and serious Ulric brought another smile to her face. She had never known their origin story, and she thought it suited the pair of them quite well. It made her happy to know that he’d had a friend in Ulric throughout these troubling times in his story. That they’d had friends in each other. But Eulalie could tell this tale was becoming more difficult for him to voice, as each pause came, every breath he took to prepare himself to speak more. She admired him so much, and her heart swelled.
Soon, the images painted in her mind turned dark. Stained with blood and betrayal and darkness. It would be a lie to say that her heart did not ache for what had been done to Atreus, for the trials he had been forced to face in his life. Eulalie could not, and did not want to, imagine how she would react if something were to happen to Somnus and her children, especially done by another’s hand. Would she too go mad? Do anything for revenge? She couldn’t say, and the thought only made her resolve to protect her family even greater.
Then Somnus was done, the last of his story falling to the air and dissipating like a mist in the eye of the sun. She did not move, for a moment, remaining there pressed against him, until finally she did step back, catching his verdant green eyes with her own, dark as earth. “Worried about what he might do while he’s here,” she said and it was not a question because she did understand. If Atreus did destroy a kingdom in his grief and anger, now he was here, tasked with helping to heal their son’s ailment. Even she, too, felt the clawing grip of worry at her heart. “We will keep an eye on him, Somnus. We can leave Alba and Tabbris with him every time he’s with Regis that we cannot be. We won't let any harm come to him.”
Eulalie looked into Somnus’ eyes and had nothing but love and compassion in her. She felt no differently about him, for nothing he could ever tell her could change the way she loved him. She knew him, and if anything the responsibility he felt for all the things that had happened spoke volumes more than anything he may or may not have done. And while she could not know what Atreus’ intentions were here in Delumine, and though she hoped above all that those intentions were good, they would be prepared either way.
She stepped close to him once again, and would gently press her forehead to his and close her eyes. “You are incredibly brave, and caring and good, and I love every part of you,” The words slipped from her lips with ease, filled with nothing but truth and devotion. “You do not need to carry this guilt with you,” she paused, and would press the rest of her muzzle against his, “Somnus you need to forgive yourself for what has happened in the past, or it will haunt you for the rest of your life. You did what you could, and you are enough.”
Oh, but did his troubled heart sing at the praise. His lungs opened, and he could breathe, as though he had been drowning and she, the land that his scrabbling hooves found purchase.
’You are enough.’
Verdant eyes, soulful and raw and burning like an exposed wound, lifted to meet the earthly dark eyes of his beloved. Their gaze met, staring, and he relished within the adoration, pride, and love that he saw swimming within Eulalie’s beautiful eyes. There was pain, too, but he knew that it was pain for him, and not caused by him. They had always said that eyes were the windows to one’s soul, and there was no doubt in his mind that Eulalie’s soul was just as beautiful as the rest of her.
Blessed as he was to call her his, then.
Within that moment, Somnus felt his heart soar. Oh, but it was a wretched thing, still wracked in grief and guilt… But slowly it was mending, cured and cultivated from the lingering strife by the bright devotion that Eulalie gave him. Blindly, she offered it, loving him without conviction, and he felt himself breathe just a little easier in her presence, in her love, the weight becoming less and less cumbersome to bear.
A breath escaped his lips, and it was as if the darkness that clawed at his being was expelled. The ichor that tainted him filtered out, and while not perfect, it was easier to breathe, to see, to be.
Oriens, bless this woman.
A beacon of gold as vivid as the strands of her hair, a beacon of life and light, Eulalie stood next to him. Never ahead of him, never behind him, always beside him. They were equals in this, kings and queens of their own world, worshippers of the divine where their deity was each other. Intimately, Somnus shifted his weight, letting himself lean into her touch and her love. He felt the soft curves of her body give in to his touch, warmth and reassuring and familiar. Taking a few more precious, greedy seconds to clear his head and relish in her warmth and love, the Dawn King finally found his voice. It was choked with emotion, but not of overwhelming pain.
“I am trying,” he whispered, watery verdant eyes meeting deep earth, “It… Is a struggle. Insurmountable and seemingly endless, but I am trying. It is far easier now that I have you at my side. I cannot even think where I would be now, darling, if you were not here with me.” It was impossible to say. Honestly, Somnus did not want to know.
Letting his shoulders roll back to try and loosen the muscles from his frame, the dunalino cleared his throat. His eyes were misty, but no tears fell. The lingering, choking emotion was beginning to fade, becoming easier to handle. Here, in this moment? Yes, he was concerned. He was worried for Regis. He was concerned that Atreus was in their court. He was worried about the world around them… But with Eulalie, Somnus knew they could face it all. She was his greatest strength. Their family that they had created together was his greatest treasure.
If one would demand it so, he would throw his crown to the ground with no hesitation to keep them safe. He would challenge the mightiest of creatures to defend them. He would climb the tallest mountain, endure the worst pain. There was nothing that Somnus would not do for them. The same devotion he had once shown to his beloved King, he now showed to them. Perhaps, through that devotion, that legacy could live on.
And then, in a moment of clarity, Somnus knew what he had to do. Something came over him, something almost desperate. There was no moment longer that Somnus wanted to wait. He did not want to spend another day where, in the eyes of the Gods, in the eyes of Oriens, he and Eulalie were not united. He took a single step back to see the entirety of Eulalie’s freckled face and then spoke once more, but his eyes did not move. Panic set it, but only for a moment, yet he shoved it aside.
“... Eulalie, my darling. We are one. We have started a family. You have gifted me with two beautiful children, but I feel… I feel I must ask you one more thing. Would you marry me?” He had nothing to offer, save for himself and his eternal devotion. All that he had to offer was himself, and Somnus prayed that it would be enough.
all along i believed i would find you
time has brought your heart to me
“You will never be without me,” Eulalie said. So sure of it she was that her heart beat a little faster and her earth brown eyes glimmered like the sun shone from within them. She was an eternal flame, a burning fire, warm and comforting and steady. She would always be with him, her whole heart, her whole soul. Her whole being. It was tied to him, and had been she knew, since that first day out on the banks of the Rapax.
She thinks of that morning, with the sun shining and she thinks of pink dolphins and miracles. And what a miracle, love is. What a gift that she should feel it so deeply for another and have it returned in kind. Her heart was incomplete without him, Eulalie realized. Without him it would spend the rest of her life searching, yearning. Together they were whole. Together they were made better. Stronger. It was a feeling of what she imagined flying might be like—in the clouds—the sun brushing over you, filling you, with the whole world open to you below.
She felt every emotion of Somnus’ keenly, every beat of his heart and release of his breath. She felt it all, as if they were her own. Were they not? Was her heart not his, his not hers? Had they been destined to this, so lucky that the gods had placed them where they needed to be to find each other, in the time that they would require it most? She wanted to say ‘You have never been without me,’ because it felt right. Standing here Eulalie felt as if she had never been anywhere else, and could be nowhere else after this. At his side was the only place she belonged in this world.
‘Would you marry me?’
Eulalie thought of the moment she had stood within the halls of this very citadel, heart pounding, worry creasing her brow. She thought of the moment she had come to tell Somnus that she was with child, fearing, above all things, that she would offer him her heart and he would not take it. Oh, but he had taken it, so gently, so steadily, and held onto it every day since then; carried it with him, faithfully, carefully. She remembered her fears and her doubts and she let them go. There was no place for them here, even in her memories.
She need never doubt him.
She need never hesitate with him, for all he had ever done was give her reason to love him more fully than she thought she ever could.
“You are my home, Somnus. The place I will always return to again and again, in this life and the next and all after it,” her voice was but a breath, a whisper on the air, reaching out and brushing against him, filling the silent space around them. Eulalie had not thought she could love him more, could find more reasons to stand at his side, and yet her heart overflowed. It overflowed into her veins, into every cell. Into her very core. If you could see inside her she would be nothing but devotion, pure and everlasting.
“You have had and will always have my heart; it could beat for no one else but you,” her eyes glistened, her joy brimming on the edge of everything that she was. And beat her heart did, a rhythm, a chorus, soaring to the skies above. Oh, how stories could be written about the love her heart sang, how the love her heart sang could convince even gods to mold the world to accommodate it.
“Yes I will marry you,” she smiled. The first of her tears slipped down her cheeks. Everything in her hummed, glowed, rejoiced. She stepped closer to him, pressing against him, wrapping herself in everything about him. There was nobody and nothing but them in this moment, and she would be nowhere else for the rest of her days but here, standing with him. Loving him. The rest of the world would just have to wait, “nothing on this earth could change my mind.” And she held him close to her and vowed that she would never, ever let him go.
His breath caught in his throat and he waited, never tearing his eyes away from hers.
You are my light, he wanted to say, but in that moment, he was mute. His tongue was held ransom at her mercy, and only she could offer him deliverance. ’You are my beacon of hope and of promise. You are my future, Eulalie.’ Somnus wished that he could write her a novel, to build her palaces with the words he could pen down. There was so much he wanted to explain, so many things he wanted her to know… But all it took was one look into her earth dark eyes, the tears swimming within a gaze of rich, velvety brown, and he knew that Eulalie already knew these things and more.
Eventually, her words came. Her blessings. The mounting tension and uncertainty released in his breast as though salvation had found him, and praise be, how glorious it was. He was her home. He gave her so many things that he believed she only gave him. What a fool he had been.
Dark lips turned upwards in a watery smile, his eyes swimming with their own tears. One fell, staining the gold of his face with a single dark rivulet, but these tears were welcome. Happiness swelled within him, replacing everything that the day had taken. Nothing else existed save for this moment.
“Eulalie,” Somnus breathed out, the single word of her name a balm, a prayer, “My beautiful, blessed Eulalie.”
Yes. Yes. She would marry him. She would bestow upon him the happiest moment, save for the birth of their children. Through her, Somnus knew that he would become the happiest man in the world. No one else could ever come close to knowing the elation that ignited within his chest, the speeding beat of his pounding heart.
Swallowing hard, he made his own vows in the intimacy of their own private company, unable to tear his eyes away from the freckled face of his beloved. “In you, I will forever know light and love. In you, my darling, I see a future so bright and full of promise. In you, I see the eyes of our children, both born and unborn. In you, I see us, and that is perhaps the most beautiful thing of all.”
Us.
No longer would it just be ‘me’. It would forever be an ‘us’. What more could he want than that? Absolutely nothing.
The strength of the emotion swelling within him threatened to choke his voice, but he cleared his throat and went on. Funny, that while typically so sure of tongued, being in Eulalie’s magnificence could render him useless. “You have made me the happiest man in all of the worlds, darling. This gift… Every gift you have ever given to me, I fear I will never be truly worthy of them. But I promise that I will try, every day, to return to you the joy, the love, and the life that you have given to me.”
With that same watering smile, Somnus retook the step, closing the distance between them. He reached out and pressed another kiss to Eulalie’s face, just upon the freckles of her left cheek. “... It seems we have a wedding to plan, now.” And he wondered, with a heart full of happiness and love, what their children might think.
