Fight Type: Battle Prize: EXP, move on to next round of the tourney Contact Made: I PMed Griffin on Discord and yes I'll share the link once I post it, how silly XD
Character #1:Rostislav Bonded: Hellhound, Damaris Magic: Vexillum earth magic, that will likely discover in this thread XD Armor: Yes ref Weapons: No
Character #2:Acton Bonded: No Magic: Discipuli illusion magic Armor: No Weapons: No
I stand both silent and still on the pocked ground of the Bellum Steppe. Damaris lies at my side. Both of us stare in the direction of Denocte, waiting patiently for our opponent to appear. Though the sun is setting as te day comes to a close, I'm in no rush. Though I know little of Acton's fighting abilities, some sort of zen has taken hold of me, and I feel confident that Damaris and I are the favorites in this battle.
This battle that I have orchestrated. I've been a piss poor Warden these past few months, which is why I'm here today ready to lose a leg for my king and country. (Well that might be a bit of a dramatic exaggeration, but my point is made.) With the continued tensions with the Day Court (I'm beginning to think maybe it isn't all to do with me on that front), and the more recent issues that have come up between Dusk and Night, I can't help but feel that the denizens of Denocte are on the verge of a war on two fronts.
Not that the word "war" has slipped past any loose lips, but I'd rather be prepared.
And being prepared means first figuring out who the hell resides in the Night Court, and on top of that, who the hell is supposed to be fighting for it! Pathetic Warden that I am, I have previously not had the answer to either. But, there are now those that have answered my call, and this tournament is my way of providing a little incentive to get their asses into gear. The first pair: myself, a commander volunteering for duty, and Acton, a more or less unknown quantity. When he arrives, I intend to let colorful stallion throw the first punch. Perhaps give the non-warrior a chance to show his skills before I launch into action!
Acton had two thoughts as he made his leisurely way to Bellum Steppe: that Raum had probably never made an easier bag of signos, and that it would probably always be difficult to steel yourself when you knew you were going into a beat-down.
The Ghost was characteristically quiet as they approached the battlefield, but the buckskin was grateful for his presence nonetheless; for a few more minutes he could stop his body bracing for a punch. It wasn’t until they parted ways that Acton wondered if whether joining a tournament for a laugh was the worst idea he’d ever had or just in the top five.
He was hardly a man to fight fair, but gods damn, Rostislav was pushing every advantage. Acton could see the Warden’s armor glinting in the sunset from across the field, and he laughed, loud and harsh. With a last glance over his shoulder at Raum, who wore a decidedly unsupportive smirk, and a few of the others gathered to watch the carnage, the buckskin squared himself and stepped forward.
His gait was easy as he crossed the pitted ground of the Steppe, loose shoulders, loose hips. Acton strolled up to Rostislav as though he might say hello, or maybe ask for instructions on this whole organized fighting business.
Their shadows were mingling when finally he drew to a halt
“All this for me?” he said, that laugh still in his voice, as his gaze roamed over the gleaming armor to linger on the dark hell-hound, whose watchful gaze he would never admit he found unsettling. “Rosti, I’m flattered.” Acton showed his teeth in a quick grin, flicking his gaze back to the chestnut’s.
As he did he shifted his weight to his hind legs, and before either of them could blink he dove forward, lunging with his front hooves for anything he could reach between the Warden’s unprotected knees and ankles.
Acton wasn’t the kind of man to avoid a suckerpunch if he thought it was the only shot he had.
Summary: Acton walks in, laughs at the ridiculousness of the situation he's put himself in, sidles up to Rosti, and lunges for his forelegs.
It doesn't take long for Acton to arrive, to my satisfaction. It would be a poor show for him to keep the Warden waiting. (Not that I give that many shits, but I don't really want to wait here like a statue forever.) His casual approach surprises me, though I guess it shouldn't. He's seemed like a rather carefree fellow from the moment I met him. Still, we're about to have a fight; does he have no sense? Damaris seems to tense, on guard despite his casual nature. Of course she's the smart one. His jest makes me chuckle as well, and I glance at the shining metal on my chest. He's got a point. I shouldn't need so much prep against a self-professed commoner. But why would I not want to take every advantage? Fights certainly aren't fair in war, either. You don't drop your weapon just because your opponent is unarmed. Acton flashes a grin, and it is then that I notice he's brought company. A chestnut follows him - Raum, if I recall correctly? Sarcasm fills my thoughts. Good, an audience. I turn my focus back to Acton and roll my eyes. "Yes Acton, just for you."
You know what's stupid though? Me shooting the breeze while this crafty fool is thinking about his attack. That's what's stupid. Damaris jumps to the side with a howl, diving out of my way to give me time to evade. But I don't evade because I was fucking SHOOTING THE BREEZE. Everything fades away in that moment. Acton’s attack is lightning fast, or at least it seems that way. Though Damaris tries to give me room, my response time is too slow. I begin to shift my weight away from the buckskin, but it only serves to lessen my wound rather than save me from it. His hoof slices down my cannon bone, narrowly missing the ligaments and tendons encased there. A miracle. I squeal in pain and surprise, then grit my teeth to manage the pain as my momentum carries me a few feet away.
Small cracks in the earth appear around my hooves, as if the ground there is too dry and my weight has shattered it. But only a careful, keen-eyed onlooker would notice such a thing (perhaps Raum or someone else watching?). My mind is elsewhere. As quickly as my chunky body can manage, I pivot on my hind legs back toward Acton. My jaws are parted, grungy teeth bared as I lunge for the withers of the younger stallion. My ears are pinned to my skull, disappearing beneath my heavy mane. I hear Damaris barking ferociously in the background as I near Acton. I'm thankful for the strength of my right leg as I park my front end hard on the ground. My left leg threatens to buckle and my shoulders drop, damaging my chances of successfully making contact with my target. A hard swish of my tail is the only outburst of pain I can allow, for my focus must not waver!
Summary: Rosti is a slow fart and despite a well meaning attempt, he fails to evade Acton's first attack. Left cannon sliced up but he's not -totally- lame. Hints of his magic appear around his feets. He lunges back toward Acton's withers with his teeth but he also sort of stumbles because of his leg. Play off as you will. ^_^
That first sweet thrill of success was all the motivation Acton needed in life. Whether it was landing the first blow or the first trick or fleecing the first mark of the night, the feeling was the same: a rush of adrenaline, truer and better than anything.
He didn’t do what he did for the swell of applause (at least, not entirely). It was this: clarity in chaos, a burn like gasoline in his veins.
Always reality cuts back in too soon. This time it was the Warden’s squeal that overcame the blood-buzz in Acton’s head, and the buckskin turned to square himself back toward the unicorn. He was heedless of any hairline cracks at his feet, his attention split instead between Rostislav and the hell-hound somewhere beyond him. The beast’s barking only served to make him feel more at home, in the fading light of some back-alley brawl.
The brown stallion’s lunge was met with a wicked grin and no real attempt to evade; Acton shifted his weight to his hind legs, wheeling to his right more to stay out of the path of the Warden’s body mass than his teeth. The strike caught him on the left shoulder, teeth striping his skin in a stinging blow that immediately saw blood prickling red along it.
It is only a surface wound, and adrenaline is a suitable anesthetic. Acton was far more focused on the way his opponent’s shoulders dropped and his injured leg quavered. One of his earliest life lessons was to press every advantage, and now was no different. The buckskin surges forward, opening more space between them with a couple steps before kicking out his heels, flinging dirt and aiming to catch Rostislav on his unguarded chin or throat while the other man busied himself with keeping his balance.
Whether or not he was successful, he pressed himself forward another length or two once his hooves touched the dirt again. Acton kept his fire-bright gaze on his opponent as he pulled in deep breaths of the cool evening air, one ear trained on the man’s companion.
Summary: Acton takes the superficial bite to his shoulder as he wheels to put them more parallel, then moves forward and kicks, aiming for Rosti's chin and throat. Then he moves to put a length or so between them.
I feel my teeth meet their target. Golden skin rips beneath me and the coppery taste of blood comes with it, penetrating the tasted buds on my tongue. I've stumbled, but luckily catch myself with my good right leg, so that I don't completely fall to my knees. Success despite this mishap fuels me, and adrenaline pushes through me. Still, my weakness is showing, and I sense that Acton is too bright to not notice.
The buckskin leaps away from me, expanding the distance. I turn toward him, prepared to lunge after him. It's a stupid move, of course; he's only made more room for his hooves to fly toward my face. As quickly as I can I rear up, tilting my head to the side in an attempt to avoid the rough edges that are making their way toward me. My strength in battle is just that - my strength. My mass and muscle are my greatest weapons, not my speed nor agility. His hooves slash across and up my right cheek, opening a bloody, raw gash. I let out a guttural groan, and I feel the blood trickle down my cheek. I have few doubts that I'll gain a gnarly scar from it.
I land roughly on the ground, narrowly missing a hole in the ground that might have snapped my leg. I glance forward, seeing that Acton has continued away from me after making contact. Damaris continues to growl at the stallion but stays near me. I think for a moment what it would be like for the ground to swallow either of us. Within seconds, the earth is cracking in front of me. Clumps of dirt and rock begin to shudder, then move upward independent of any visible force.
Rostislav, what's happening? Damaris's voice in my head echoes my own thoughts. Despite this, I'm looking past the scene at Acton. In a flash, the risen earth is flying toward the other stallion. A smirk appears on my bloodied face, and I speak just loudly enough for Damaris to hear. "My magic has returned."
Summary: Rosti tries to avoid Acton's kick but gets a nasty, rough gash across his right cheek (yay scar!). Then he uses his NEWLY DISCOVERED MAGIC to attack Acton. It's just directed at him in general, so receive as you will. :)
**Griffin and I agreed on Discord that it would be ok for me to post a day late since I was at a horse show. Thank you!**
Again a jolt as body met body, there in the evening falling quickly to night. This time there was no grin when Acton felt his hooves connect; he only waited for the smaller stallion to follow him.
When after several heartbeats he did not, the buckskin half-turned, ears twisting forward and skin twitching, wary. By now any watchers were forgotten, and sweat slicked his sides in the warm summer air. The battlefield was little more than a mass of shadows and for a moment the only thing Acton could hear was both their labored breathing. He opened his mouth, licked his teeth, prepared to call an insult –
And then the world began to tremble. He could not fully see the clods of dirt and rock as they rose from the ground, but he could hear the rattle of stones, and Acton stomped and huffed a breath, ears pinning. Before his mind entirely grasped what was happening, pieces of the battleground flung themselves for him. First a pebble struck him, then a clump of sod, and he only had time to drop his head and hunch his shoulders like a bull against a snowstorm before the whole lot was on him, showering him in dirt and stones.
With his telepathy he blocked what he could, but with his sight limited by the darkness his efforts were mostly futile. It was like standing beneath a hailstorm, and then it finished as quickly as it had begun, and the world felt even more silent than before.
When he was sure it was over, Acton shook himself like a dog and straightened, groaning at the all-over ache. His skin felt broken in a few places - scrapes from the rocks - and he felt dirty and dappled by bruises.
Still, there was a bit of a swagger when he made his way back over to the Warden, and his scowl was replaced by a grin as he shook his head. When he saw Rosti's bloody cheek, his grin widened. “I’m used to fights starting with things being thrown, not ending with them,” he said, and laughed. “And I think I’m ready to go back to being just a street bastard.”
Summary: Acton starts to turn toward Rosti when he doesn't hear him coming, then gets showered in dirt. He hunches his shoulders and lowers his head against it, and uses his limited telepathy to try to stop some of the dirt clods (counting as a block, not sure if it does).
25/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
1st post: Introductory post. No attacks to judge (this does not count against your score).
2nd post: Although biting is a common attack for equines, I don’t believe going for the withers was a smart choice. Maybe a more sensitive area would have fared better, such as an open flank or ribs? Biting might not be the most creative attack, but then again, they were close in standing, so it’s understandable. Your detailing about how he does thing helps paint the picture very well.
3rd post: Rosti rediscovering his magic is wonderful, however, I would have liked to see more details about how he was using it? More of the lines of his focus, or an emotional reaction that could have triggered it. And since there has been a length of time since he might have had magic in the past, would his misuse (of his magic being dormant) then effect his current abilities since Rosti is only finding out about it now?
22/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: Introductory post. No attacks to judge (this does not count against your score).
2nd post: Rosti’s recovery is impressive, and I like how he shifts his weight onto his good leg, pushing it into the ground for stability. It makes sense that he would favor his right side. Biting is a realistic attack for equines, although I would have picked another spot, this attack still makes sense for the close range that they were standing in.
3rd post: As realistic as earth-magic ponies goes, I think this worked out very well. My only note is that I would have liked to see something along the lines of where Rosti was aiming at Acton: was he throwing rock/clumps of dirt and earth just in his general direction or in a specific spot? With a clear intention, this could have helped on Griffin/Acton’s end to know exactly how her character could potentially block the attack.
Blocks 20/30
10/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: Introductory post. No blocks to judge (this does not count against your score).
2nd post: No official blocks to judge, but I do like how you went on to describe his thought process and ultimately the “shooting the breeze” moment. Because of this, it was really easy to get a clear picture in my head, and I knew exactly what was happening at the time.
3rd post: I really liked the attention to detail as you described how Rosti tried to get away from Acton’s next attack. Although not the most creative, it was practical and made sense.
10/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: Introductory post. No blocks to judge (this does not count against your score).
2nd post: No official blocks used, however, I do want to say that Rosti’s “shooting the breeze” moment was incredibly realistic. Especially with his inner thoughts, noticing the audience, and then Damaris helping him snap out of it. Mistakes are always good and keeps things real.
3rd post: Since there are no official blocks on Rostis’s part to judge, unfortunately we can only give you so many points for realism sake. However, I did like how you detailed Rosti’s movements as he attempted to evade Acton’s lash. It makes sense, but maybe he could have twisted/turned enough to where Acton’s strike could have hit some of Rosti’s heavy armor instead? Although yes, it does make sense that with the heavy duty armor, he would be slow to turn in time too.
Writing Metrics 10/15
4/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: I liked the inner monologue, especially since he goes on to explain his purpose on the Steppe, and even his confidence for the coming battle. This set the stage very well, and the writing makes me want to root for him and for his cause.
2nd post: I adore your attention to detail! Reading how you write Rosti really brings his character to life — from his thought process, to Damaris, to how he sees and reacts to things. Your attention to detail is wonderful and paints a clear picture of what’s happening.
3rd post: Yes! I love how you described the riddled ground, because that’s dry realistic. Nothing is smooth, and anything goes in a battle. I like how you described his adrenaline, the slow con of his size/stature/and armor compared to speed and agility. I would have liked to see more in terms of how he used his magic, and maybe even what it felt like to activate his gift. But otherwise, it was enjoyable to see the reaction of Damaris asking Rosti what was going on, and then for him to realize it himself.
3/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
1st post: No physical mechanics to judge in this post. (This does not count against your score).
2nd post: His momentum moving him a few feet away is realistic with the blow to his cannon. Damaris chilling off to the side and letting Rosti do his thing in battle is good. It was nice to see her brought to life with her howling/barking, although at the moment that’s all we really see of her. His magic too.. Rosti discovering (?) his gift here is subtle but nicely there.
3rd post: Again, I really liked how you described how his size and armor prevented him to be more quick/agile. As mentioned before though, I would have preferred to have more details about how exactly he was using his magic, because otherwise it’s a bit of a confusing picture to me.
3/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
1st post: There was only one spelling mistake, and the post read a little weird in some places, but otherwise this sets the stage of the battle in a good way.
2nd post: Instead of “shooting the breeze” in all caps, maybe italicizing it would have worked? The effect was made, of course. Otherwise very, very few mistakes.
3rd post: Very few, if any mistakes. This read smoothly and was lovely to read.
@acton - Total: 81/100
Attacks 48/55
26/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
1st post: I would have liked to see more detail regarding Acton’s lounge and his attack. How close were they standing before he launched forward? At what angle was he coming towards Rosti (from the front/straight-on, at an angle, sideways, t-bone)? I did like how it was more of a knee-jerk reaction instead of planned. How Acton jumped right into things, wanting to start on his terms instead of waiting for Rosti to strike first. It really gives insight to his personality, without having to read his profile (in the sense of being more of a “act and ask questions later” kind of way)!
2nd post: I liked how he threw dirt into Rosti’s face — here, take THAT — while simultaneously moving away from him and lashing for the open spot beneath his chin. Although not the most creative due to the few vulnerable spots Rosti has while wearing his armor, it is still a sensible move on Acton’s part.
3rd post: No official attacks to judge (this dos not count against your score.)
22/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: It’s hard to figure out how accurate the realism might have been due to I don’t know what angle Acton is striking Rosti from. What is good however is the realistic shifting to his back legs. Equines commonly will rear or buck with their hind legs, which makes sense to me. Plus, he went for a sensitive spot behind his knees, which could potentially cripple him.
2nd post: I like the approach of kicking dirt into Rosti’s eyes/face as he moves away to gain some distance between them. Unfortunately, brownie points don’t exist for details like that but the realism is there. Plus, it’s also a practical move on Acton’s part to put some space between himself and his opponent. I liked how you brought in the detail of one of his old lessons that moved him to do this during the fight too.
3rd post: No official attacks to judge (this does not count against your score.)
Blocks 22/30
10/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: No official blocks to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: Although leaning out of the way is not the most creative way to evade an attack, it’s understandable and it makes sense. As always, your attention to detail and the way you write what is happening is amazing to read.
3rd post: Turning one’s back to protect themselves is not the most creative way to do things, but it does it’s job. Realistically, Acton was surprised and did what he thought he could by using his telekinesis, even if that didn’t work. I appreciate the “world trembling” details and reading how reacted to the attack. It was refreshing and made for a interesting post!
12/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: No official blocks to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: No official blocks to judge, however I would like to say that it was nice to see him try to evade Rosti’s attack. You can’t dodge everything, and to see him take a hit was very realistic (however small or menial.)
3rd post: This block wins the realism points for me. While reading it, although using his telepathy could only work so much (if at all), I was reminded how in real life, we would turn our backs and cover our heads to protect ourselves. When Acton was being pelted by dirt and stone, this is what I saw — crystal clear — from the what you described. His surprise was immediate, and he could only do so much in such a small amount of time. Good job.
Writing Metrics 11/15
4/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: I absolutely love your world building; describing the other characters and how they are gathered to watch the showdown. Acton’s inner thoughts on the tournament itself as he walks in. His sass is everything as he strolls in towards Rost is wonderful.
2nd post: I really liked reading how the fight reminded him of a “back-alley brawl” as his focus diverted between Rosti and Damaris’ barking. It was easy to be transported into his head and see how Acton sees the world in that moment.
3rd post: Your posts flow together very well, almost like reading a novel. The way you detail and describe things is absolutely wonderful. I love how you described the world/earth trembling as Rosti’s magic was activated and directed towards Acton. I was immediately in his shoes as he forgot about the crowd watching, focusing on his opponent in the heat of the moment. Very well done.
3/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
1st post: His first attack and overall post was very accurate to Acton’s current stats.
2nd post: Seeing how the adrenaline starts to kick in is incredibly realistic and I loved reading how it affected Acton. I also liked how he tries to both pay attention to Rosti and his movements as well as his Bonded. Because in the end, you never know when one might attack or the other in a fight where you’re outnumbered.
3rd post: Over all, Acton’s stats were accurately reflected. Although I would have liked to see him use a slight-of-hand illusion to distract Rosti and see a climate of Acton’s magic at some point in the thread, your block in this post is incredibly realistic for what happened at the time.
4/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
1st post: There was a period missing after “halt.” Otherwise, there was one or two run-on sentences and overall read well.
2nd post: Very few, if any, mistakes. This post flowed really well, and as always, your writing style is wonderful to read.
3rd post: I had to reread a section for clarity, but otherwise this post was written well.
CLOSING REMARKS: GUYS, this was my first battle judgement! This was incredibly enjoyable to read — the banter, the sass, all of it. Both of you did a great job and were pretty even all across the board. Thanks for bearing with me as I learn how to be a judge! <3
05-08-2018, 02:24 AM
Played by
Sparrow [PM] Posts: 2 — Threads: 0 Signos: 3,311
26/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
1st post: Introductory post. No attack to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: I felt like Rostislav’s attack of a bite here is very basic and forward, and very realistic with squabbling horses. On one hand I feel like maybe he could have attempted to grab somewhere more tender than the withers, but then again, this is only a spar and not a true battle. Overall quite simple and easy to read, and I while I quite like the subtle hints of his magic, I feel as though it could have been described in better detail, as I had to re-read it a few times to understand his magic was actually manifesting itself and that it wasn’t just Rosti’s bulk affecting the ground beneath him. However, overall I really enjoy his attention to detail in regards to the little things surrounding them, as well as his overall thought process!
3rd post: I was a little confused as to why Rosti suddenly thought what it would be like if the ground suddenly swallowed them up? I feel as though the thought was somewhat random, and with as seasoned a warrior as Rostislav is supposed to be, it was a bit uncharacteristic. As for the attack itself, I absolutely love it! I love that his magic has returned to him, and I think that’s a very creative route to take! I would have liked to see more direction or purpose with his attack, however; where was he aiming? Was Rosti just throwing the rock and dirt and hoping to hit Acton? Or was he aiming anywhere specific?
20/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: Introductory post. No attack to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: As stated above, this was a realistic move to make; fighting horses bite each other all the time. I would have liked to see a better use of direction, such as where or what part of his wither was Rosti aiming for? Nothing else major to say here that hasn’t already been said, other than I also like how you took the pain from Rosti’s leg into consideration when he returned with his own attack.
3rd post: The mechanics used for Rosti’s attack was very true, I felt like. This magic is obviously familiar to him, yet new, and I really liked how Damaris was confused by it. His boost of confidence was a nice touch as well, and other than the points I touched on above, I felt like this was a really nice touch to the battle! And, as someone who’s known Rosti for so many years, I’m glad to see him settling back into his element.
Blocks 25/30
13/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: Introductory post. No blocks to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: No official blocks used. I felt as though Rosti’s reactions at Acton’s attack were pretty spot-on and true to his character. I love the fact that he chastised himself for ‘shooting the breeze’; it brought some good humor to the situation and really let us get into his head during this spar!
3rd post: Rearing might not be the best choice when being kicked at, as it does open up more vulnerable positions. However I can completely see why he would in an attempt to get away from Acton’s kick, to protect his head and neck area. Due to his size I don’t think he would have been able to really ‘get out of the way’, so I’m glad that you had him receive some kind of injury to accurately reflect that.
12/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: Introductory post. No blocks to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: No official blocks used. As stated above, I feel as though Rosti taking the attack was pretty realistic. A sneak attack like that wouldn’t let someone of his size suddenly leap out of the way, after all, but I do wish I had seen a bit more direction. I didn’t realize until further in your post which leg had been struck by the blow. Other than that I felt as though Rosti’s actions and reactions accurately displayed his overall stats!
3rd post: As I touched on above, I feel as though rearing wasn’t really realistic, as with his size and reaction time I don’t feel as though Rosti would have had enough time to really rear up. Perhaps attempting to turn away from the attack as a whole might have been a better alternative, or using his armor to help deflect the initial impact? Other than that I really liked how Rosti took into account his larger size and touched on how he could use that to his advantage.
Writing Metrics 10/15
3/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: I really like the feeling that I get from Rostislav in this first post. I can feel his regret for being an inactive part of his Court, and I can definitely feel his desire and determination to make up for that. Overall I feel like this post is pretty cut-and-dry. I would have liked to have seen a few more uses of direction, such as ‘left side’ or ‘right side’, or even ‘north, south, etc’ to get a better feel where Rostislav is facing or standing, as well as mention in his post that he’s wearing his armor for the fight.
2nd post: I really loved the creative feel I got in this post! Rosti’s always been a joy to read, and I love how we see both his mentality as a ‘man’ and as a ‘warden’. The bit about shooting the breeze still gets me, and I love how it adds a bit of humor into the spar, like I said above. I feel as though you have a good balance of creativity with realism on how he acts and responds in this thread, and it made for a good, simple read.
3rd post: I really, really like how Rosti took into account that his strength was just that; the strength of his general size. It’s always a plus when I read characters taking notice of their physical attributes and comparing them to their opponent, and this was a nice touch I hadn’t really noticed until here. I would have definitely liked to see him make more references to the armor that he was wearing as well as find a way to use it to his defensive advantage, because I honestly kept forgetting that he was actually wearing it! Using a battle to help Rosti rediscover his magic is also a really fun and creative idea, and I’m super stoked that you took this opportunity to do it here. Overall, this post, and this thread with him was an absolute treat to read!
3/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
1st post: No physical mechanics to judge in this post. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: Very realistic and true to Rosti’s character, which is a big win for me. I felt as though your post accurately displayed his general stats, and I really liked Damaris’ actions and reactions with Acton’s attack, and then Rosti’s own. The little hint to his magic was a nice touch as well, but like I said above, I think it could have been explained a little better, even though I do like the bit about ‘maybe an outside source would notice a bit better?’
3rd post: Right out of the bat I felt as though Rosti’s reflection on the taste of Acton’s blood was a bit much; a bite would leave him mostly with the taste of fur and skin, and from how it was written made me think that there was much more blood than what was realistic. I really liked Damaris’ inclusion even though she didn’t participate in the actual fight, and her little moments really were unique to read.
4/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
1st post: Not too much overall, just a few spelling errors but nothing that took away from your writing. There was one sentence that I had to stop and re-read; “The first pair: myself, a commander volunteering for duty, and Acton, a more or less unknown quantity.” The bit about Acton confused me, and took me a few attempts to understand. I feel as though he could have been described more clearly. Despite that, this post was overall very clean and pleasant to read.
2nd post: Easy to read with minimal spelling errors, and pleasant to read. Nothing really to note or point out other than once again, use of direction; left, right, etc.
3rd post: Nothing really to note here! Easy to read and very forward.
@Acton - Total: 80/100
Attacks 47/55
26/30 -- Based on creativity of your offense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
1st post: I really liked that Acton cut straight to the chase and wasted no time in getting things started. He did so in a way that remained true to his character, and I really like that. I do wish that I could have seen more detail from him, such as the direction of his approach. I can only assume that it was head-on, given that his attack was with his front hooves directed at Rosti’s own.
2nd post: Once again Acton is here for business, and I like that he clearly expresses that. In a way this is a game to him, or another performance. I really enjoy the continuity of how he stays in character despite being somewhat out of his element! The attack itself I feel was pretty basic, but I really enjoy how it was done; putting distance between himself and Rosti is a good idea, and I really like the added flare of having him kick dirt and dust back at Rosti. I’d like to have seen a few more observations of their size differences and how Acton would use those to his advantage, but this was a nice post to read.
3rd post: No official attack to judge. (This does not count against your score)
21/25 -- Based on realism of your offense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: I found that Acton’s first attack was very cut-and-dry, very no-nonsense, and very true to his character, like I mentioned before. I really liked how he braced himself upon his hind legs, as horses will do when locked in combat. Once again, however, I would like a bit more direction; was he aiming at the front of Rosti’s knees and ankles? The insides, the outsides? Overall I felt like this attack was true to his stats.
2nd post: Acton’s attack here was very realistic. Like I said above, I would have liked to read a bit more observation on his part, but other than that I think this was a great show of his character and what he’s all about. After all, the hind end of a horse is the most powerful part, and kicking out while trying to put some distance between himself and an enemy is a good idea, especially when the enemy is so much bigger! I felt as though this post was true to his stats and build, and I really liked the use of trying to keep them ‘horizontal’ from one another.
3rd post: No official attack to judge. (This does not count against your score)
Blocks 22/30
11/15 -- Based on creativity of your defense (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: No official block to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: No official block to judge. I really like how Acton just kind of grinned and displayed a ‘show me what you can do’ attitude while taking Rosti’s attack. It was very original and I know I keep saying this, but true to who he is. As for receiving the wound itself, I felt like there could have been more originality to it, yet it didn’t take away from your writing.
3rd post: Magic, magic, magic! I love how Acton used his magic here! I felt as though this block was super expressive on his part, and I could absolutely envision his posture and stance as he braced for impact. I also really enjoyed his reactions about not really being able to see what was going on due to the evening light, and how he more or less scrabbled into action after those first few bits of dirt and earth hit him.
11/15 -- Based on realism of your defense (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
1st post: No official block to judge. (This does not count against your score.)
2nd post: No official block to judge. Like I said above, I think that the way that Acton took the bite to his shoulder was very realistic, and here, true to his stats. A horse bite itself can sometimes draw blood or inflict a little bit of swelling, so I felt like your decision for it to draw some blood was very reasonable and not out of the norm. I also really like how he acknowledges the pain and then pushes through it.
3rd post: Very realistic to his general stats, and how he would take such an attack. I know I said it above but I really liked how you wrote this.
Writing Metrics 11/15
4/5 -- Based on overall writing creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
1st post: I absolutely loved this first post from Acton. You did an amazing job in letting the reader know what was going through his head, as well as his emotions in regard to it all. The fact that he joined the tournament ‘just for laughs’ made me grin, and really held true to his character.
2nd post: I can never get enough of reading Acton. He’s always a thrill. I think here I would have enjoyed to see a bit more attention to your overall surroundings. Perhaps take more notice of the treacherous ground as he was putting distance between himself and Rosti. I also really like how on numerous occasions there were references or throw-backs to Acton’s life as a performer, and those little bits of detail are always pleasant to read.
3rd post: This whole post was very creative and a thrill to read. I love the fact that he used his magic to block what he could from Rosti’s attack, but I also really enjoy the detail that he didn’t block all of it! Throughout this entire battle I felt as though Acton was completely in character, and that’s very important when writing a fight!
3/5 -- Based on overall realism (physical mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, Magic Level, and Bonded)
1st post: Something I really liked was how, despite thinking himself an underdog in the situation, Acton carried himself with confidence. I love the terms that you used in his approach, how relaxed and loose he was. I would have liked to see more on how Acton compared the vast differences in their sizes and build, as well as how he planned to use his own size to his advantage, but I really enjoyed seeing him take note of Rosti’s armor! Also, as stated above, I would have loved to see more use of direction, just to clear things up.
2nd post: Acton was very realistic here. He reacted and took his injuries like I would expect him to, and something that I really liked was how he took notice of Rosti’s injured leg and mentioned how he had no qualms in taking advantage of such an opportunity. I maybe would have liked to read how he would have planned on using that to his advantage, as well as point out a few differences on how he would use his leaner size against Rosti’s larger one, but overall this post was a good look into Acton’s fighting abilities and the way his mind worked under pressure.
3rd post: As I’ve said a few times, I would have liked to see a bit more observation on directions and to their size differences and how Acton intended to use those to his advantage. I also wish he had done more knowing that Rosti’s front left leg was injured? Maybe next time! But overall, I felt as though Acton stayed true to his attack and his health, as well as the creative use of his magic there at the end.
4/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
1st post: Overall very easy and nice to read. Not many (if any) spelling errors, and while I saw a run-on sentence or two, as well as missing punctuation, they did not take away from the impact of your writing.
2nd post: A few moments of changed tenses and a few spelling errors, but nothing that took away for the impact you were trying to make. It was nice to read and easy to follow, with few run-on sentences.
3rd post: Overall very simple and easy to read, and no dire spelling errors that I noticed. I was able to follow a long quite easily, and everything was just a real treat to read!
Proof of dice roll is in Novus Discord's "Contest" channel @ 2:07 PM EST on June 18th, 2018 .
@ACTON wins.
All damage taken in the thread is still applicable and cannot be retconned!
Participate in a Battle or Challenge: +1 EXP to Rostislav, +1 EXP to Acton
Win a Battle: +1 additional EXP to Acton
Total: +2 EXP to Acton, +1 EXP to Rostislav
Acton's and Rostislav's official experience has been updated to reflect these changes, so there's no need to post in the Experience Updates thread! Also, an additional 300 Signos have been sent to each account due to the extended wait for the final judgement.
