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Fight: Judged  - battlesong—

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Played by Offline inkbone [PM] Posts: 73 — Threads: 1
Signos: 25,195
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#9

Aislinn VS Rostislav


@Aislinn - Total: 80/100

  • Attacks 51/65

    • 22/25 -- Based on creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail).
      • 1st post: No attacks, but a creative entrance. Very descriptive of the surroundings, time of day, and weather.
      • 2nd post: I would have liked to see something other than a 'rush', but overall a good attack!
      • 3rd post: The nose-dive air charge was a creative way of using her wings to her advantage.
      • 4th post: No actual attack in the 4th post; more or less the "after-effects" of her previous attack. Very creative landing that minimized the damage taken afterwards, but didn't leave her "unharmed" from her own attack.

    • 17/25 -- Based on realism (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
      • 1st post: No attacks. Very good, realistic feel to pegasus/wing mechanics.
      • 2nd post: In my opinion, Aislinn - taller than Rosti but significantly less bulky - rushing Rosti was not a realistic choice, simply because of the obvious nature of his armor. Especially since he has a pretty heavy chestplate and a hornplate to boot. It would have been better to rush from a different angle, maybe!
      • 3rd post: While not necessarily a bad attack, I was really concerned about the idea of Aislinn throwing her entire weight into what was essentially a nose-dive. Mostly because if Rosti chose to side-step or otherwise avoid the attack, it might be very hard for Aislinn to stop all of that momentum in an attempt to avoid hitting the ground! And crashing into the ground at that speed would most likely cripple her.
      • 4th post: No actual attack in the 4th post; more or less the "after-effects" of her previous attack. The ducking and tumbling across the plateu was a really nice effect that made sense. Her reaction and the descriptive nature of the after effects made me whince. Poor Aislinn! But her taking damage from the result of her own attack is very realistic.

    • 12/15 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
      • 1st post: No attacks. Few grammar mistakes. A couple sentences/fragments that read oddly. Otherwise very good!
      • 2nd post: A couple grammar and sentence structure mistakes here and there.
      • 3rd post: Very good grammar and sentence structure.
      • 4th post: No actual attack in the 4th post; more or less the "after-effects" of her previous attack. A few instances where the reader could get confused as to who the post was referring to (Rostislav or Damaris). Some of the sentence structures would have read better if flip-flopped (for some of the longer, complex sentences), but overall very good!

  • Blocks 29/35

    • 11/15 -- Based on creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
      • 1st post: No blocks in first post.
      • 2nd post: No 'official' block used, but her reaction to Rostislav's charge was nice. I liked how she swung around in an attempt to face him and raised her wings. I would have liked to see an explanation of what exactly caused the gash - it's implied to be his teeth, but never explicitly stated. Would also have been nice to see an explanation of how exactly the gash might immediately affect her!
      • 3rd post: Definitely using her wings to her advantage! I liked the idea of her suddenly bursting up into the air, although I was a little confused when I first read the post - wasn't sure if she just beat her wings, or actually launched upwards. Was able to tell by the end of the post, though!
      • 4th post: No official block used.

    • 14/15 -- Based on realism (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health and Attack)
      • 1st post: No blocks in first post.
      • 2nd post: No 'official' block used, but being able to hear the clinking was very realistic.
      • 3rd post: Official block used. Bursting up into the air was a very good out.
      • 4th post: No official block used.

    • 4/5 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
      • 1st post: No blocks in first post.
      • 2nd post: No 'official' block used, but overall good grammar. A few sentences could have been worded differently to give a more 'natural' feel while reading.
      • 3rd post: Very good grammar and sentence structure!
      • 4th post: No official block used. Good grammar and sentence structure.





@Rostislav - Total: 77/100

  • Attacks 45/65 

    • 20/25 -- Based on creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail)
      • 1st post: I liked the idea of him attempting to surprise her, instead of taking the typical route of "revealing" himself and having a conversation about fights. I do think that an ambush while wearing metal armor is easier said than done.
      • 2nd post: Definitely wouldn't have thought of a buck as a return attack, but it works! I liked the attention to detail surrounding your description of him position himself for the retaliation attack.
      • 3rd post: No attack in the 3rd post.

    • 13/25 -- Based on realism (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, and Bonded animal)
      • 1st post: A little clunky overall, although Damaris' statement ("Go now, before she hears your heavy breathing!") is a nice homage to Rostislav's generally larger bulk and less endurance. There's some slight confusion when reading the post, in regards to which side Rostislav is on (physically) when he "initially" sees Aislinn. If Rostislav turned left to come at Aislinn from her right, that would mean he was in front of her when he initially saw her - which would most likely blow his cover, no matter the tall grass.
      • 2nd post: I think that realistically Rostislav should have had more of a reaction to Aislinn rushing at and slamming into him. She is technically taller, although definitely leaner. He would have been able to absorb the majority of her charge, but in a realism sense, it would have most likely knocked him backwards, off balance, or made him skid and strain against the dirt as he fought to turn her kinetic energy back at her.
      • 3rd post: No attack in the 3rd post.

    • 12/15 -- Based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
      • 1st post: There's a few sentences that read a little oddly, and a couple instances where a comma could have been used. Otherwise, very good!
      • 2nd post: I really liked this post overall! Sentence structure was good.
      • 3rd post: No attack in the 3rd post. Good grammar and sentence structure.

  • Blocks 32/35

    • 14/15 will be based on creativity (originality, imagination, and attention to detail) 
        1st post: No blocks in first post, only an attack.
      • 2nd post: Incredibly impressed! I liked the idea of Rosti getting distracted by the blood in his mouth, and the effects of the initial impact were very well described.
      • 3rd post: I was a little confused by the opening paragraph of this post - most notably the bit about Caligo. Did Rostislav actually mistake Aislinn for Caligo? Other than that, I like the attention to detail surrounding how Rosti took the brunt of Aislinn's attack!

    • 15/15 will be based on realism (mechanics and whether you accurately reflect your Health, Attack, and Bonded animal)
      • 1st post: No blocks in first post.
      • 2nd post: The realism is very refreshing! I liked how he was winded from his initial attack (and partially from his own armor), and also distracted by the blood in his mouth. Props to describing in detail the drawbacks of the armor, as even though the crestplates effectively took the brunt of Aislinn's bite, he still got scraped from the armor itself.
      • 3rd post: Rosti's hind end crumpling under Aislinn's air charge was very realistic and well thought out! He does have a decent bit of metal plating armor on his rear end, but with such force behind Aislinn's aerial charge, it will definitely leave a horrid bruise.

    • 3/5 will be based on writing metrics (spelling, grammar, punctuation, run-on sentences, etc)
      • 1st post: No blocks in first post, only an attack.
      • 2nd post: Sentence structure was good.
      • 3rd post: A handful of spelling mistakes - most notable is that 'Caligula' is actually spelled 'Caligo'! :p Otherwise good.







       
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Messages In This Thread
battlesong— - by Aislinn - 08-02-2017, 11:14 PM
RE: battlesong— - by Rostislav - 08-02-2017, 11:15 PM
RE: battlesong— - by Aislinn - 08-04-2017, 09:05 AM
RE: battlesong— - by Rostislav - 08-05-2017, 06:36 PM
RE: battlesong— - by Aislinn - 08-07-2017, 02:33 AM
RE: battlesong— - by Rostislav - 08-09-2017, 05:14 PM
RE: battlesong— - by Aislinn - 08-10-2017, 08:01 PM
RE: battlesong— - by inkbone - 08-13-2017, 03:35 AM
RE: battlesong— - by inkbone - 08-28-2017, 05:35 AM
RE: battlesong— - by sid - 09-04-2017, 04:32 PM
RE: battlesong— - by sid - 09-04-2017, 04:49 PM
RE: battlesong— - by inkbone - 09-17-2017, 02:45 AM
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